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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 02 2014 : 9:38:54 PM
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I'm in love with a massage therapist I've been going to see for a couple years. I was deep, deep, deep in meditation a couple days ago, and I had an ecstatic/erotic vision with her in it. Wasn't trying to deliberately imagine anything, but the image would not be denied. Not sure if she has a boyfriend.
We usually hug after the session. Today as I was walking away, she reached out and brushed my back with her hand as if trying to grab me. I kept walking. Interesting.
The past few years have had a string of short-term monogamous relationships. None have lasted. Obviously, I am a little confused, and slightly tortured. When will the wash-rinse-repeat cycle end?
Well, the formula is touch and release, a la samyama. All good things in all good time. If it's meant to be...blah blah blah. More platitudes to tarnish reality with. 
Also, I pretty much fall in love with everyone. With women, it's much worse. Their beauty is consistently astounding. This is not lust. This is a reverence, an admiration, a non-dual reflection of Self.
Or, maybe I'm just highly delusional and stuck in some failing patterns of attachment and flights of fancy.
Anyway, any thoughts appreciated. Random, whimsical, deep, shallow...all good.  |
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Ayiram
88 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2014 : 03:15:50 AM
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quote:
When will the wash-rinse-repeat cycle end?
Not until you learn the lesson it´s trying to teach you... The good news is that with every repetition you´re getting closer and closer...
Not until you accept things as they are and not until you accept that they may never change.
Why labeling things? It´s all experience.
...and as for being in love with everyone...nothing wrong with that . It´s hard not to be, coz everyone is an expression of the Divine...
Once you get to see that all that beauty you see in others is actually in yourself (which doesn´t mean others are not beautiful, it only means we measure the outside world according to what´s within us), then you realize you don´t need the other to be fulfilled. We all have it all already in ourselves. Then we can fully love the other.
In general, I´d say: Go with the flow of your heart. Keep your focus in the heart. There things are simple and everything is perfect as it is. There you have the direct connection to the Divine. And when you go to the mind, just come back home.
Much  |
Edited by - Ayiram on Oct 03 2014 03:32:15 AM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2014 : 03:31:38 AM
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i hear you BT...same over here
and thank you Ayiram for your excellent advice
quote:
Not until you learn the lesson it´s trying to teach you... The good news is that with every repetition you´re getting closer and closer...
Not until you accept things as they are and not until you accept that they may never change.
.
quote:
then you realize you don´t need the other to be fulfilled. We all have it already in ourselves. Then you can fully love the other.
this is what i finally understood ...but it is very possible that i might get few more wash-rinse-repeat cycle ...or maybe not 
BT what i found extremely helpful is connecting with the inner male in me ( in your case conncecting with the inner female) ....i invoke the inner male in me and i do feel his presence and i do feel pleasure and fullfilment |
Edited by - maheswari on Oct 03 2014 03:45:56 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2014 : 06:16:49 AM
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| Keep getting those massages; it's a win, win, win! Treat it like luscious scenery. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2014 : 11:33:24 AM
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Hello guys
Are you sure you want a relationship Bodhi Tree? Finding women attractive is one thing, wanting a relationship enough to motivate you to put in the effort might be another.
To tell the truth, my question is inspired as much by your post as by my own personal experience. Since my yoga got serious, there were a few occasions when I thought to myself 'If I weren't in this long-standing relationship, I don't think I'd bother to start one.' What would motivate me? Sex has become optional. Love? My husband is the one who once procured me precious glimpses into its magic, now the magic is everywhere.
Perhaps I'm just going though a phase? Perhaps not? |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2014 : 2:30:47 PM
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| Will this angel to make the first move. This can also be a question: will this angel make the first move? |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2014 : 5:25:50 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogboy
Keep getting those massages; it's a win, win, win! Treat it like luscious scenery.
 This got me chuckling. Simplicity at its finest. Thank you, Dogboy!
quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
BT what i found extremely helpful is connecting with the inner male in me (in your case connecting with the inner female) ....i invoke the inner male in me and i do feel his presence and i do feel pleasure and fulfillment
I think there's a lot to be said about that. Definitely. Once I heard a preacher say: "If you're single, and you're dreaming of a certain kind of person, you have to become the person you're dreaming of, or else that person will just be a figment of your imagination."
So I guess getting in touch with the divine feminine would solve that riddle.
quote:
Originally posted by Ayiram
Not until you learn the lesson it´s trying to teach you... The good news is that with every repetition you´re getting closer and closer...
Ha! So true. Destiny seems to have some self-regulating mechanism to keep us in check until we're in the groove. I guess they call it karma.
quote:
Originally posted by BlueRaincoat
Are you sure you want a relationship Bodhi Tree? Finding women attractive is one thing, wanting a relationship enough to motivate you to put in the effort might be another.
Great question. I'll release that samyama-style. Thank you for the motivation check.
After some reflection (and a couple days of releasing desires and visualizations), I think stillness is speaking to me in a way that's saying I should probably back off. More and more, I realize that life has certain sequences that have to be followed for things to really take off. If the order gets messed up, the plane won't fly properly. So, that's probably my case...trying to rush to the dessert before the main course. I think that's why Yogani emphasizes placing inner silence before ecstasy, because without the quiet foundation, the energy can be chaotic.
Well, thanks everyone for chiming in! Super helpful. Wishing you all the best in your relationships.
Luminescence. Tranquility. Harmony.  |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2014 : 11:09:01 PM
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Dear Bodhi:
You are one of the strongest people I've ever met, and a cherished friend. Let me go out on a limb and say "to heck" with everyone else's view of you.
You're doing great. There's always blah blah blah, blasé. Let it not become malaise!
Much love 
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Edited by - Anima on Oct 05 2014 11:17:58 PM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2014 : 4:05:31 PM
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Thank you, Anima. Glad to be on this journey with you.  |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2014 : 4:26:16 PM
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Hi Bodhi Tree
Reading your story, I'm reminded that I'm "in love with" my massage therapist too. I have not gotten a massage for years, but she ended sessions with a craniosacral therapy move where she would hold my head at the base of the scull and it gave me a hold-me-and-never-let-me-go sensation. After all this time, something of that sensation somehow sticks with me in a good way. I'm grateful.
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2014 : 9:28:15 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by bewell
but she ended sessions with a craniosacral therapy move where she would hold my head at the base of the scull and it gave me a hold-me-and-never-let-me-go sensation. After all this time, something of that sensation somehow sticks with me in a good way. I'm grateful.
She does the same thing to me! Killer. Brutal. So cruel how she lets me collapse completely into that cradle of her hands--relieving all the weight of worry and doubt. These women are evil! |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2014 : 03:41:08 AM
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| @ Bewell - Thanks for the tip! |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2014 : 1:29:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
Killer. Brutal. So cruel how she lets me collapse completely into that cradle of her hands
Experiencing a similar problem, I went from half hour sessions to a full hour.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2014 : 11:09:30 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
These women are evil!
They sure are evil!!!
I love my massage therapist as well... When working on and releasing blocks, she sure can make energies move in ways that are sensual... but she, being a woman and me not being into the same sex thingy.. I haven't thought of asking her to become my partner...
Lovely thread... thanks everyone who posted here.
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2014 : 7:13:51 PM
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| That's it. I'm switching from acupuncture to massage. |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2014 : 10:27:48 PM
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It sure sounds better than the wooden floor I do asanas on!
PS, Bodhi: Every time I spoke with my dad, he would proclaim, "Son, I think I'm in love." So is the plight of all men, I think.
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2014 : 03:07:58 AM
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quote:
she sure can make energies move in ways that are sensual
i do traditional thai massage.The masseuse is a thai woman and although you keep wearing clothes through out the session (they provide you with white very loose cotton top and pants) , i do feel a sensual pleasure when she massages my thies and butt
too bad it is not a man |
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Purohit
India
43 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2014 : 03:27:52 AM
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As i continue my sadhana, women become more beauitiful and alluring each day...
It hurts...
as the body is getting older.
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2014 : 11:55:28 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
They sure are evil!!!
I love my massage therapist as well... When working on and releasing blocks, she sure can make energies move in ways that are sensual... but she, being a woman and me not being into the same sex thingy.. I haven't thought of asking her to become my partner...
Hmmm...so you're saying I should switch to a male therapist to eliminate the potentiality of sex union...now THAT would be discipline and restraint! 
quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
That's it. I'm switching from acupuncture to massage.
No! Hold strong. Don't be lulled into the tactile allure of a woman rubbing down all the muscles until the bliss is swelling across the frame of the body like a calm typhoon skipping across the ocean.
quote:
Originally posted by Anima Deorum
PS, Bodhi: Every time I spoke with my dad, he would proclaim, "Son, I think I'm in love." So is the plight of all men, I think.
Indeed! Not a bad deal though. It's all about the staying power. Our only chance to level the playing field.
quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
i do feel a sensual pleasure when she massages my thies and butt
too bad it is not a man
Yep...it's all downhill from there...the point of no return.
quote:
Originally posted by Purohit
As i continue my sadhana, women become more beauitiful and alluring each day...
It hurts...
as the body is getting older.
There seems to be a directly proportional relationship between the degree of beauty we can behold and the metaphysical quantity of inner silence we are residing in. Need to develop some "spiritual physics" to account for this undeniable trend in perception of Being.
Re: getting older...well, just remember, the heart will stay FOREVER YOUNG... |
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Chaz
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2014 : 03:07:34 AM
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This thread really makes me think of a girl I was recently romantically involved with. She loved rubbing my back, and of course I loved it when she did and she loved that even more. Man I really miss those back rubs, they would light up my whole spine and the pleasure seemed to radiate into every cell. *sigh*
For the record we're still very close, just not physically as we now have hundreds of miles between us. So I don't get that luxury anymore. She's really special to me though. She has this radiance about her, something a lot of people have noticed. She doesn't do any energy work or anything like that. But she certainly expresses the beautiful qualities of the divine feminine.
Bodhi if my relationship with the girl I mentioned has taught me anything it's that these bonds are such powerful forms of self-discovery. Even the short-term ones. They may come and go in many forms with different people, they may evolve or dissolve, but the lessons they hold are everlasting. Often we don't have to go looking for these bonds, they just happen on their own accord. Just go with the flow man. You probably already knew that though. :p |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2014 : 11:08:18 AM
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Thank you, Chaz. Wise words. Things happening on their own accord. Effortless whispers in the treetops. Firm thumping on the ground. Squirrels, bumble bees, human sub-creatures.
Ahhh...to quote Morpheus from The Matrix: "There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path." So maybe I know about some principles and patterns, but have I experienced the fullness and fruition I so desire? That's the trick. When vision and desire become achievement. Action (including non-action) leads to fulfillment.
Stay strong, wolf warrior. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2014 : 02:00:10 AM
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quote:
The past few years have had a string of short-term monogamous relationships. None have lasted. Obviously, I am a little confused, and slightly tortured. When will the wash-rinse-repeat cycle end?
still thinking about this post BT.It has been almost 1 year since i stopped my last monogamous "relationship".This year was tough in the purification, lots of mind stuff coming out for exemple:
it is greener on the other side
i should have found a life time partner by now
i am 36, the clock is ticking
i need sex with a man
i need to be loved
endless mental rambling....and all of it has been seen through (hopefully) ..all are mind lies...
then suddenly,since 3 weeks something totally changed.I became Happy. Happy with everything happening in my life , "the good and the bad." I am laughing all the time!
On the sexual level, I became totally satsifeid with myself, by myself, with my inner male and female together
now i am not easily excited to be with a partner, i prefer to be by myself cause first i feel there is still more to explore in me and second i want a partner that is the same level of me spiritually...have been meeting few guys lately all spiritually green, well i dont feel it works , i feel i have nothing to say when they bombard me with "mind questions"
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Edited by - maheswari on Oct 14 2014 02:18:38 AM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2014 : 08:20:22 AM
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That's awesome. Sounds like you have a very healthy space of detachment that could only be a result of abiding serenity. When I am firmly rooted in that emptiness, I feel the same. Doubt, regret, frustration, disillusionment...these vibrations do not strike to the core, but rather exist on the periphery of mind. The eye of the storm is forever calm, as the madness swirls around it. Mind is not enemy. Mind is friend. Mind is window into reality.
As you beautifully put, there is more to explore. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2014 : 09:41:18 AM
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Wonderful place to be Maheswari
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NewbieGG
Bulgaria
52 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2014 : 10:29:21 AM
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We are not promised happy relationships Bodhi . What we are promised is all the tools and methods to evolve . May be in your previous life you had plenty of love and family happiness ... and now this is missing to create searching and suction from new ideas and sources .
May be Maheswari is on the right way looking for someone spiritual because this will be honest sharing without secrets , tantric sex will find use as well
It will be interesting to hear more stories about relationships started after spiritual awakening , as 37 yo single I am into this subject too... |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2014 : 4:59:21 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by NewbieGG
We are not promised happy relationships Bodhi. What we are promised is all the tools and methods to evolve. May be in your previous life you had plenty of love and family happiness ...and now this is missing to create searching and suction from new ideas and sources.
LOL. Well, the evolutionary tools should lead to happy relationships, yes? What good is a tool that won't get the job done? I think I'm just a novice when it comes to using the tools, and with time, some level of mastery will arise. Maybe.
I like your synopsis that destiny may be creating a challenge for the sake of development. I'm a fan of Joseph Campbell's proclamation that each person is the hero of their journey. The power of mythology.
Thank you. |
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