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kaina
Poland
10 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 24 2014 : 5:55:55 PM
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hey I dont know where I could find some help about this..maybe here I could try..
I meditate about 6 months, mindfulness meditation uninterrupted and vipassana. I know its not so much, but I was always interest and doing something with magic/this kind of stuff
many things have changed even through short time..
what is strange to me??
- I see I'm crazy , world is crazy people are crazy, how its possible spend time with tv about 8 h a day, my parents spends even 20 h my mother cook and TV is on, sleep and its on, eat and its go on and on, this start to be more and more irritating than ever after my time of meditation, I cant just understand this people < I personally dont watch TV about 10 years >
-also I don't understand eating meat I'm vegetarian about 8 years
- what people talk about only seeing wrong things in others, in fact they only talks about themselves and its always in real their fault.. like someone is fat and talking about other ones that are fat but doesn't see on him..I see now my friends are not my friends anymore, I see why they were interest to speak with me it's all by ego play, so I cut off some contacts ..
- see living unconscious, walking, eating doing things automatic even no idea about it..
-emotions like jealousy, anger ? where they come from and what people are doing, what for hate anyone..
I don't speak only about others... I was catching many times myself doing the same..this all making me cry...
who am I even If I cant sit peacefully for 30 minutes? ..
and I also observed strange feelings like:
- tickling in some part of body while or after meditating, mostly in genital part or third eye( here even some kind of pain)
- feeling electricity, in back of my head, spine or in my arms
- I lost my sexuality.. totally even I couldn't have sex with someone..and I'm glad about it(!). Can't look at person like thing to use, like something to please me, I don't feel any desire or excitation about it.. just see person as it is.. didn't have sex about 3 years and I had many occasions like even 7 times for week <lol> but cant just
- don't drink alcohol 3 years too , just cant, its meaningless for me, feeling better sober
- going party seems to be boring last time I try isolate myself really often..even I don't want speak with parents I live they seem to be deaf on what ever I speak..have enough of them
- was doing wrong businesses and now I cant cheat or steal on people..left it.. even sometimes I was thinking why I cant do this anymore even I had much more money then I got now, I don't really care about it..
start really to be more desire-less..every dream I had come true or just fade away and now make me laugh..
- many times it happens I just cry spontaneously and after that use my anger or scream after that laugh or even cry with laughing..
- some of my dreams come true..or I see future like someone going to call me or come to me or think about me I know that.
- cant look the same way at people I didn't like before or had some negative feelings - now I see the clear, just like they are..even more love in it..
- found myself speaking more fast, analyzing more and even I hate maths I count a way better..
- massaging my friend she told me that she was in professional massage and It didn't help her but when I did even I don't have any education about it, it decrease immediately..
But no one who could understand me.. everyone around me seems to be aloof.. I don't know is just that all imagination or really something changes in me.. or maybe it's only my illusions of desired mind..? what is that? and what to do? |
Edited by - kaina on Apr 24 2014 7:43:51 PM |
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nickyryu
France
12 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2014 : 6:57:24 PM
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Edited by - nickyryu on Apr 25 2014 11:32:34 AM |
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kaina
Poland
10 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2014 : 7:42:34 PM
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| but you dont get this, Iam not bored now! I was bored going on party and having desires, I found I'am really happy as I'm and dont need this stuff |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2014 : 11:01:04 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by kaina
I don't know is just that all imagination or really something changes in me.. or maybe it's only my illusions of desired mind..? what is that? and what to do?
Hi kaina,
My two cents: there is really something changing. the tears are fine. the sense of distance from parents is understandable. the lack of desire to make lots of money through unethical means, excellent. the lack of desire to party is ok too.
I like the new you! I think the word for it is "virtue." In AYP terms, Yama - It means "restraint," and includes ahimsa (non-violence), satya (truthfulness), asteya (non-stealing), brahmacharya (preservation and cultivation of sexual energy), and aparigraha (non-covetousness)."
Enjoy!
Be
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Edited by - bewell on Apr 24 2014 11:07:55 PM |
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kaina
Poland
10 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2014 : 4:04:40 PM
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| thank you, so I hope its true..but I dont really know its scary sometimes like today I couldn't sleep whole night like it never happen before to me, and now moods changes all day from laugh /cry/anger/relax/cry/anger/ok/bad I try to be conscious but its more hard and hard |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2014 : 7:48:13 PM
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as they say, "this too shall pass."
actually, a forum like this is not usually particularly useful, in my opinion, for crisis management, and it sounds like you are in a crisis of sorts.
that said, some standard advice is to move toward some more calm by doing grounding activities such as gardening, and walking. eat heavy food. don't take caffeine or other stimulants as that tends to interfere with sleep.
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kaina
Poland
10 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2014 : 06:17:18 AM
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| Yes I know I rather should find master but not in my village..never seen anybody englighted :( I have one question, cause when I'm in home with parents I found is very hard to remain aware and there are living 5people including me every of them got many negative thoughts and energy I can feel It. Its like being meditative on disco is also hard, even I feel that could be even easier in bar or between my friends I felt more silience than with this family. Is this possible that some people or places can be troublesome for meditator? What should I do?? Soon I'll find own flat.. |
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2014 : 12:17:02 PM
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Hi Kaina, welcome to the AYP forums!
Many of those descriptions match those of my own perceptions and experiences when I first started simple breath meditation and inquiring into the nature of things.
Of course, determining which factors or combination of factors lead to the changes if they are indeed related is hard to tell.
Between people it seems meditation and other spiritual practices are a common catalysing and amplifying factor to changes described as positive and fulfilling, and so we can take comfort in that even if such changes takes some, or a lot, of adjustments on our part along the way.
Sensation wise, there's been tingling or pressure at the third eye, often spontaneously and quite strongly, a greater sense of whole-body-mind connectivity after years of taiji and qigong, and more recently with twice daily AYP other areas (crown, root) began to show some symptoms.
Only now I too have been asking if kundalini and/or some type of purification symptoms have been behind my own troubles that could have originated either spontaneously or from early spiritual practices.
I share these brief personal observations in reply to your inquiry about the meaning of the personal changes observed, whether others can understand your situation despite being unique as well, and if it's all just imagination.
Sure, some places are more suitable for meditation than others. I sometimes use earplugs to minimize distractions, and at other times treat the distractions as a custom practice in itself to try learning to be more transparent to the projected emotions of others.
If the unexpected emotions are causing a serious impact in your daily life, consider cutting back temporarily as Bewell suggested. That could empower you with both some understanding of the causes or factors involved, and a means to have them play out as the purification proceeds but under more acceptable conditions. |
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kaina
Poland
10 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2014 : 4:42:03 PM
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thank you! yes.. I will go for one month rest.. I hope Ill be able to rest. But also I cant cut myself of doing something cause I'm very active person, and for me sitting in one place is destructive cause mind is more rushy when I have nothing to do for days.
Also I observed not only me inside is changing, but is it possible that whole life is immediately changing? very fast and shocking situations in life, like new work, friends..is it from kundalini? |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2014 : 7:53:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by kaina
...very fast and shocking situations in life, like new work, friends..is it from kundalini?
Some would call it "life energy." |
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something strange happen to me? kundalini?
