My source is broken and I am battling to get back into meditating. I have a lot of negative energy around me and family that question why I meditate. I bought guided meditations and since reading Yogani's books realise that self paced meditation maybe the better option. Please help me to get back on track.
Shanti I do have time but on reading Yogani's book I think I would need and like to change my way of meditation and I am also going through a very negative period in my life where I am getting divorced and all the goodness I have cultivated with meditation has gone. I lost control of myself over the weekend with regards to keeping quiet and it has spoilt everything and I also feel deeply disappointed by not keeping my cool and control. I now battle to get into my meditation which I love.
Very sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing at the moment. This too shall pass.
To speak from personal experience - meditation neither solves all our problems nor does it enable us to keep cool at all costs. Over time, this latter thing just becomes our nature as we abide in inner silence, but even then, it is quite normal to flare up every now and then. Many of us in these forums can attest to this, even after years of daily practices. Beating ourselves up about losing it is not useful although that tends to be our natural tendency. Nothing is lost, absolutely.
There is no problem if there was a break in your routine; I'd say try to get back to it as much as you are inspired to do at the moment. If you are so inclined, give the AYP deep meditation a try.