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monu
India
11 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 05 2012 : 2:30:53 PM
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A few months ago , I had started doing yoga under guidance of a trained professional though I doubt his capability of meditation but his physical training was commendable . But,few years ago itself I had started practicing meditation . I used to sit idle in front of my puja room for long periods sometimes with headphones playing religious tones . But , then one fine day in my yoga class . while practicing meditation . I felt my hands and body were moving vigorously but in a definite manner .It was a very good moment . But, It turned out the other way . My Kundalini had awakened . It might have been because of four precise reasons
1- My inner turmoils
2- past memories
3- love towars lord shiva
4- or just meditating without any results for months
I had a bad child hood
I was bullied alot .. for my skin color and everything related to me
and it created a psychic impression . I live a dual personality one part of me is humorous and chilled out and the other is sad . the latter comes out only when people discriminate me or laugh at me or im going through a bad period.* note my childhood has also effected on my self esteem drastically , I keep thinking of the way I look.. people call me smart but then i dnt care ..for me im ugly..
But all throughout I have kept loving lord shiva
today after months of my kundalini bein activated ..I ave realized my shakti will take time to reach shiva ..may a lot of time ..i dnt know . the serpent may not even reach my head till im alive
but all of this meditation . I started was to boost my academic and personal life but all that has happened is in the neagative .
I think about love.. I dont have a girl friend
my grades have fallen down
I think for weeks ..about some silly incident like someone laughing on me
I make big issues of small things
I keep thinking about sex
My grades have gone down considerably
I have constant mood swings
I still love lord shiva
but , this thing is ruining me
NOTE - I have even tried astral projection .. those silly sites had the method..I had few lucid dreams ..but then when i sleep and meditate ..i reach a stage where my body gets a shock and thats it..nothing further..Later I realized it was a syndicate .
My parents dont understand whats wrong with me..
On the contrary even I dont.
Please help me for heaven sake.
Im only 19 .. Im depressed and I want to make something of my life..I have also stopped meditating
HELP ME I dont have a guru
only shiva ..
please tell me a way through which my shakti would reach my head..aka kundalini process will be completed..
This is my last hope
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2012 : 2:45:35 PM
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My sleep cycle has also been ruined. I remain hopeless . what is the reason .what should I do.
THE DAYS IS USED TO SIT IDLE during meditation .I used to feel small sensations . As for today . I having tingling sensation every time. I have pressing sensation ie feel to press the thumbs of my hands legs and also the ends of jaws repeatedly .Most of the times when i try to concentrate . I also have muscle moving here and their cant explain that.Once upon time . just after reaching a high meditative level I used to feel Im the best . but then now i feel terrible .Sometimes I ask god to kill me. I keep thinking bad things .Im not me at times . My father tells me That im blessed to reach this level .But, I dont know if its a blessing . I have also started smoking too much. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP .Im begging |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2012 : 3:13:30 PM
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Dear Monu,
I sympathize with your trouble, I’m sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. I’ll take some time to send you some loving energy in Samyama today.
My advice is three-fold, practical, emotional and spiritual.
Practical
You are 19. When I was 19 I loaded a shotgun and tried to blow my brains out. Fortunately I realized it would be unkind to my mother to do this. Like you, I know what it feels like to be bullied and rejected, or to have a hard time getting a girlfriend. I’m now 27, and you cannot believe how much will change as you get older.
You’ll look back at your worries and insecurities, and laugh. Life is not that bad. Take some time to think about what you are grateful for, the things in your life that are good, and that will put in perspective. I also recommend next time someone makes fun of you, write down what your thoughts and feelings were about it to get it out of your head, then raise an image of that person who made fun of you in your mind, and send them as much love as you can.
It will draw your focus away from your own problems, and help you to realize: there is nothing at all wrong with you, their actions are simply foolish.
For a long time past, I’ve had this habit. If anyone is unkind to me or upsets me, I take an image of them in their mind, and send them as much love as I can. We are only unkind and cruel to others when we are on a level of fear ourselves.
Emotional
All the suffering that you describe is simply thought structures which are charged with emotional energy, that occur in response to certain external stimulii. You can dissolve these structures in awareness, so you no longer experience upset when people say unkind things, because you simply don’t identify yourself with anything that people can be unkind to. Try and take a very clear look at reality next time someone says something that causes you to experience a negative emotional reaction.
Stage one, sense impression: You see their face, and their mouth opens and makes a sound.
Stage two, conceptual meaning: they say words, and your brain interprets the meaning, perhaps it’s some unkind comment
Is there suffering here? No there is not. Just a sound with a meaning. Suffering only occurs in your own mind:
Stage three, subjective context / self-referential meaning: You imagine yourself to be a human body, who can be hurt by unkind comments. Thought and emotional structures become active in your brain which are unpleasant emotions and negative thoughts. They say all sorts of things, and obviously exactly what these structures are like is personal to you.
Stage four, seeking / resistance: Typically we tend to either desire or be attached to the external sense impression (say the words were praise and we felt good) or we tend to resist and be averse to the external sense impression and experience (in the event the words were criticism or unkind and we felt).
Get to know this process of how your brain interprets external sense impressions and creates painful stories and emotions about particular sense impressions, and good stories and emotions about other sense impressions.
The fact is, reality is neutral, all sense impressions are neutral, nothing is good or bad, it’s simply the stories and emotions in our mind that we project onto it that make it seem otherwise.
This process will bring you wisdom.
Secondly, to release and process the painful emotions, sit with them, and synchronize this mantra with your breathing: I AM HERE NOW.
Breath calmly, breathe regularly. Notice how there is resistance to the emotions, how something doesn’t want to experience them.
Sit with them breathing like this for hours. You will have an important realization:
Emotions are just unpleasant sensations in the body. Sense impressions are neutral until you interpret them with an idea of you as a personal self.
In addition, the emotions will gradually dissolve.
Spiritual
If you are experiencing kundalini overload in some form, you should do grounding techniques - have you looked into and researched ways to ground yourself? I would stop the spiritual practices for a while if your primary problem is related to kundalini overload.
From my heart to yours, as truly we are the same: the loving, presence, awareness which underlies all perceptible forms, I love you and my heart goes out to you.
Josh
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Edited by - mr_anderson on Jun 05 2012 4:59:28 PM |
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2012 : 3:28:24 PM
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| Thankyou . But, then you seriously feel I should stop the spiritual thing . I mean if my kundalini goes down forever or something . I am confused . I am a btech student and I have like ruined my 1st year as it is. I dont study . Im so tensed . Please tell me if im lucky enough to ahve my kundalini awakened or is it the other way round . For all these years only my faith on god has helped me . I dont want to end up being a psychopath as for now I have too many images of myself..I will definitely try whatever you told me to :) |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2012 : 3:58:20 PM
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You describe many problems at once in your original post.
-Did all of these problems exist before the kundalini awakening?
-What are the exact symptoms that happened after this kundalini experience which you describe?
It's not entirely clear to me from your post what is related to kundalini, and what is the natural problems of a 19 year old going through a difficult time in life. |
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2012 : 4:36:14 PM
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| exact symptoms after kundalini awakening are that I feel much more depressed of life. I get affected by small matters. their is no direction in life. I do wrong stuff and wrong deeds and I know this is bad . AND im obsessed to aquire love and I have these freequent mental shifts where i keep thinking about sex .after which I feel very low on the level my mind can dip also when i try to concentrate I have so many distractions and i also have pricky sensation near my thumbs hand and legs and in the end of my jaw . I havent done much meditation after my kundalini awakened .may be that might be the reason |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2012 : 4:51:57 PM
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Ah. Ok I see. So a few pointers:
-Depression is definitely a common symptom related to kundalini awakening. I've certainly had my share of it also through kundalini. Jana Dixon talks about it here: http://biologyofkundalini.com/artic...y=Depression Depression is a result of overload. Many of us on the forums have experienced it. Me included. When I get depressed, I stop ALL PRACTICES. If it's as bad as you've got it, I'd stop for several weeks and:
-do a lot of running and hard physical exercise (press ups, weights, sprinting anything like that)
-eat heavy grounding foods
-stop thinking about spiritual stuff for a while. go out, have fun, play sport of some kind.
-do things which completely absorb your attention in a fun and joyful way
It sounds to me as though you have not been self-pacing. Spiritual practices can be very powerful and cause serious problems if we do not take them carefully and slowly.
How regularly and for how long have you been meditating?
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 12:46:24 AM
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| I cant explain that . see the actual meditation . that is sitting in a proper asana ..I havent done that since ages but , I do a thing daily . that is ..when Im about to sleep . I go in shav asana . and concentrate on my breathing and only keep lord shiva in my mind chanting om namah shivaya . this is not for a definate period it can be from 15 minutes to 2hrs and I do it almost daily. During this time I feel muscle movement . prickling sensations and energy build up in my hands . I also feel watery near my ears and sometimes I get up abruptly. I also get body shocks ...like whole lot of energy entering my body ( the kind of feeling those astral projections sites tell . when the body sleeps) |
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 04:20:52 AM
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Hi Monu,
It seems that your Bhakti (love for lord Shiva) in combination with your spiritual practices have caused a major overload in your system. Since it seems to make your life very difficult at the moment, I would definitely stop all practices from now on, including the one you do before sleeping (the chanting etc.). Besides that, don't do anything that fuels your Bhakti; avoid attending spiritual services, rituals, Tthinking about your lord, reading spiritual books etc. Also, the tips mentioned by Mr. Anderson help a lot.
Wait until you are stabilized for at least 4-6 weeks until you consider spiritual practices again. If you want to start practising again, I would advice you to come back to this site and read the lessons here. They provide a more balanced approach towards Kundalini and mediation (based on self-pacing), which won't interfere as much with your day-to-day life. But for now; stay away from anything spiritual, do a lot of grounding and have faith that like everything else in life, this too shall pass. All the best to you! |
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Namath
350 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 05:55:07 AM
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Hello Monu;
I feel with what you're going through.I had/have my portion of depression too.& When one has strong Bhakti like yours,it's difficult to back up & stop practices.If someone tells me to self pace,I would feel :"are they kidding....this force is greater than me to stop or self pace"...But the last week I've been through serious break-down.During the practices everything is beautiful & perfect....outside the practices,the world is crazy & thus I would burst in Anger storms without any pre-warning....that basically ruined my life for the last week or so...
I would love to say as mr_anderson told you ...to keep you in my Samyama...but hey I'm overloading myself so no more Samyama for me too .But you've been in my thoughts since yesterday & wish you take the decision NOW & stop all your practices for a while....a short break can bring better results to your spiritual practices sometimes.
"om namah shivaya" is very powerful in itself....Take it easy on yourself Monu,As yogani always says"We are here for the marathon not for a sprint...long & steady what wins..." //not the exact words but something like that...
All Love.
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 08:18:35 AM
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Thanks people . I mean , Im so overwhelmed . the kundalini activation had made me so depressed and angry on the world . The way you talk and support me is so kind . I personally couldnt do it . because there is so much meanness in me now . I have started hating the world .I feel better now that it has happened with many and they have come out of it . My primary concern is my career now and on the contrast it is the only thing i dont pay attention to. I had thought the problems im facing is because the lack of meditation at a specific time and I personally dont do much puja that is lighting candles or I dont even recite much shlokas . Though I know some. I only keep lord shiva in my head and recite om namah shivaya and whenever I am praying in my puja room I just say that god save me . (malyalam being the lingo). And sometimes hamsah that is godess saraswatis bheej mantra. I also have faith in the guru lahiri mahasaya but as such no living guru . There is this question I ave to ask though ,
Since a long time I have had this plan. I am having my vacation for 2 months starting day after and I had this unbreakable plan of meditating for 1 hr daily . to help my kundalini . But, alot of you tell me not to . I have been planing it for so much time and the plan even includes going to the puja time morning evning and night without fail. What shall I do?
Shall I cancel it ( I will really have to put a lot of effort to tell my mind not to) ( it is my dream plan to get my life back on track)
The plan and regime is strict but then you people are telling me to enjoy . on the contrary thats what I have been doing
The plan goes like this
for the next two monts
- No friends ( I have a huge friend circle) wont contact them
- No mirrors (as i have mentioned before my phsycic impressions make me think that I look ugly( that is so girly )haha but, no mirrors for 2 months might help)
- Gym
- Internship
- No facebook XD
- No cigarettes
- No sexual practices
- No junk
- No nonveg
- Meditation 1 hrs
- Daily puja
I know the positive aspect would have been if I would have written I would eat healthy, I would eat vegetarian ..( but im so much more negative now)
I may just take a break for enjoyment When the dark knight rises releases here XD
The things I have planned might bring in order and method in my life which does lack a lot in my life
But , then it will be too tough because my life is so much more different . Im so much more free spirited but sad on the inside
Will all of this help my kundalini problem guys?
Im confused and I want to make these 2 months the best for me .
Tell me things I could remove or include to boost my kundalini or to remove the problems I face .
Thnk you Namath .Medea . Mr Anderson ( I could feel the love u sent)( Today has been so much better than the last few months :) |
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 09:49:16 AM
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Hi Monu,
Again, I would stop all spiritual practices, and avoid things that fuel your Bhakti. In my opinion, this is no time for you to go into retreat. Instead focus on grounding; hang out with your friends and loved ones, exercise, eat heavier foods, swim etc. Chances are if you follow through with your plan, things will stay like this or get worse. Take these 2 months time to relax, ground and enjoy yourself! |
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Namath
350 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2012 : 11:15:42 AM
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Monu...In my opinion,I would double what Medea said...You'll be fine anyway....do what you are meant to do.
The Guru Is In You
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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Swan
India
256 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2012 : 01:54:42 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by monu
I have been planing it for so much time and the plan even includes going to the puja time morning evning and night without fail. What shall I do?
Shall I cancel it ( I will really have to put a lot of effort to tell my mind not to) ( it is my dream plan to get my life back on track)
Dear monu, I also think you should cut that back. You may think about coming back to such plan when you are more balanced. Otherwise you wont be able to to reap the benefit fully, rather you may get more imbalanced. You like Shiva! I also do why dont you tell him that you want to go for such a spiritual retreat, and ask him to take you when it is most appropriate for you?
for the next two monts
- No friends => I suggest to do the opposite at this stage, friends are very good help.
- No mirrors => Face it man!! and convince yourself that look does not make you. Do you think that all the goodlooking people are successful and happy just because of their look, and all the not so good looking people are unhappy and unsuccessful? I dont think so. Why dont you look around to see the people and tell us what do you think?
- Gym => excellent idea, will be very helpful, but do it in moderation.
- Internship => no idea
- No facebook XD => Not a bright idea
- No cigarettes => excellent idea, any day (here is my experience with it http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....PIC_ID=11339)
- No sexual practices => well it actually depends, too much energy build up may not help when you are in disbalance. See how it works out for you.
- No junk => no idea what is it
- No nonveg => Ok, but you should eat heavy at this stage
- Meditation 1 hrs => as evrybody told you, not a good idea now
- Daily puja => Again take a break, god loves you anyway.
You can have a look at the link below to better understand the grounding activities: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....PIC_ID=11385
And as you are here, have you started reading the AYP lessons?
Love |
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2012 : 07:14:34 AM
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No I havent started the AYP lessions ..and about the mirror thing I actually dont consider myself ugly or smart . I dont care . I have seen all sorts of people saying all sorts of things to me. when I was young they told me I was black and ugly . When i grew up they told me I was smart . But, then those child hood wounds I mean I was 3- 7 years old .all i used to do was make drawings of lord shiva and other gods but mainly shiva . that was the time ,the world was cruel on me.how can u molest a 3 year old kid even if he is black.so since then I have this image of myself a part of myself keeps telling me Im so ugly. someone laughs or does something I think its on me . or precisely its on the way I look and I feel that in my heart and not because I want to be smart just because I feel how can somebody be so cruel . Im so good , why are they bad? and after kundalini being activated .it has aggreviated even more
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2012 : 11:52:11 AM
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Ill tell you people a small thing how the kundalini has effected me . Their is this girl I like alot . She keeps staring . Today I saw her and she was like staring and then I smiled and she did not respond and Im like so depressed . I know its so very common . But, I just cant control feeling bad . cigarettes . Im hating today . MY EMOTIONS HAVE MAGNIFIED SO MUCH
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2012 : 6:55:08 PM
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Monu,
I don't see what your last statement has to do with kundalini; being sad because a girl didn't smile at you sounds more like the typical troubles of a teenager more than anything else.
You know, if I where you, I would talk about all this with somebody who knows you well. This can give some release. Also, I would not focus so much on alleged symptoms, but shift the focus on living instead of drama. It will make things a lot easier on you. Good luck! |
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Namath
350 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 02:04:15 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by monu
Ill tell you people a small thing how the kundalini has effected me . Their is this girl I like alot . She keeps staring . Today I saw her and she was like staring and then I smiled and she did not respond and Im like so depressed .
 does that hurt?I didn't know that...I do that to guys all the time ...just out of playing with no intention to harm...thanx for letting me know
Sharing my favorite saying :
"Salam on him if he likes my Salam...If not then Salam on another...  "
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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Edited by - Namath on Jun 08 2012 02:28:12 AM |
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 03:41:01 AM
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| No drama this side. Maybe u people wont understand me. Ill figure it out myself |
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 03:47:13 AM
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| thnx though . thnx for everything . love u ppl. Ill try each and every thing u told me to. |
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Medea
Netherlands
115 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 06:16:35 AM
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Hi Monu,
you are right, it is difficult to help somebody you don't know at all, with a practice that is different from yours, with symptoms that are very different from what you experience etc. I can only share my own experiences, and for me, shifting focus away from the 'drama' in the mind (sometimes triggered by experiences with Kundalini) has helped in the past.
My mind loves drama and stories and engages in it as soon as an opportunity is presented. I noticed when I fed this drama with my attention it grew and grew, so focussing on something else helped to keep it in check. In time this was not necessary any more since the need to engage in the stories was replaced by simple observing of the mind at play.
As for the story with the girl; I've had dozens of friends at that age who struggled with exactly the same things you describe. Some do still. But in their cases it has noting to do with Kundalini. It is so easy for us to blame someone or something else for our miseries and misfortunes, while in reality it is the 'I' who orchestrates all this. Having a critical look at our behaviours in this way can be a blessing, since it is only yourself you have more or less control over.
Anyways, maybe someone else can share their experiences, since I have the feeling mine don't really resonate with you (and that is fine btw.). Hope you will find yourself in more stable circumstances soon. |
Edited by - Medea on Jun 08 2012 06:17:52 AM |
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monu
India
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2012 : 06:32:39 AM
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Unlucky Im in love ,when im in such deep sh*t :P.
And Thankyou Medea , I have one such problem just like u. the problem being Im so attached to being an example and to being sad . I am attached to the rockstar feel . I mean ur a sucess but ur personal life is zero . that thing attracts me so much haha . but , im nt blaming it on kundalini its just hardluck .Its just that kundlini has magnified my emotions and mood swings so much . I want to be lot more cool . and as u suggest I will look into myself
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Neutrino
United Kingdom
9 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 1:53:42 PM
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Hi,
Just wanted to say thanks for this topic. This thread has been really useful for me — I reached a point of total overload recently (non AYP practices) and it took me a little while to realise that it was largely the bhakti and related subtle thoughts (a kind of informal samyama) that had precipitated the overload.
What was interesting was a) only recognising just how far this had fueled the overload in hindsight; and b) recognising that those kinds of subtle thought and intent continue just as strongly outside the formal 'practice' time. Seems obvious now, but I sure didn't realise that til recently!
It was only when things got pretty severe that I finally allowed myself to jettison a whole load of stuff. At one point it wasn't even a conscious choice — but subconsciously there was a rebellion from deep within, as if to say "drop that now; it's too much".
I've educated myself a bit on the kundalini process since, and it seems there are so many different angles and recommendations, but one aspect I find myself still pondering. Which is: is it better to stabilise and smooth things to proceed gradually, or take a leap and jump into the fear? Ultimately I think it is down to individual circumstances, but right now I'm not even sure how much is down to choice of the 'individual' anyway...
I know it was meant for monu but I can relate a lot to what Namath and Medea said. Seems like some of us are inherently drawn to the drama, or the intense devotion, the heroic journey; get 3rd degree burns..... but then return for more, like a moth to a flame...
I'm grateful this forum exists, thanks everyone and I hope monu you are on the way to doing better with your process. If things are really hot and claustrophobic, and you find yourself simply unable to cease devotional thoughts and feelings, one possibility might be to devote your devotion to the boundless spaciousness and emptiness aspects of divinity?
I don't know if that would fit your practices and path, but I'm thinking of when Tibetan buddhists spend painstaking hours building beautiful sand mandalas, only to wipe them clean upon completion. There may be a lot of wisdom and relief in that.
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Edited by - Neutrino on Jun 21 2012 2:18:53 PM |
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