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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
 Posted - May 17 2012 : 03:32:12 AM
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I truly deeply desire death.Not for the sake of running away from reality.Totally tired of my mind-body system.I feel restrained by it.
Not sure how to put that in words.there's a strong desire to transcend both.
I sometimes look in the mirror & find myself saying "bye bye".heheh,I'm a ready- case for an institution!
but then again,I have a peak experience & freak out for sometimes & start blaming this and that!that's when I say,I change my mind... I love myself,I love my life...Don't want to die yet.
Last night,I felt I was dying & melting in a huge sun disc ...I was not there ...then I freaked out & started alerting myself to what's going on.
I might as well just hand this ego to Yassin.He'll be more than glad to tear it in to pieces.there maybe my release.
Love.
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Swan
India
256 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 03:54:35 AM
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Who is tired, the ego? then don't listen to it. What is the point if you leave unresolved karma behind, which will bring you right here at this point again?
May be you can consider as overload and try self pacing! .. my two cents..
Love. |
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swaha
Lebanon
88 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 04:01:30 AM
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:)
i had a taste of beyond bodymind in Yassin's presence
a huge infinite universe was opening.. infinite vortex..
i found myself ascending, formless, sucked by this infinity
it felt cold, a cold light..crystal like..
i just wanted to leave.. such peace, lightness, fluidity, liberation..
there was not a single drop of fear.. there was nothing actually..
just bliss..nothing else..
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i realized that unless i give it ALL to Him, i will remain in the vicious circle .. and personally, i am bored with it all..
no more WHYs, HOWs, IFs, WHOs.
time to JUMP IN with both feet and NO MIND. |
Edited by - swaha on May 17 2012 07:40:00 AM |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 04:36:07 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Swan
Who is tired, the ego? then don't listen to it. What is the point if you leave unresolved karma behind, which will bring you right here at this point again?
May be you can consider as overload and try self pacing! .. my two cents..
Love.
you totally misunderstood me dear Swan.I have no intention to drop the body.
thank you for your feedback.
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 10:11:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by swaha
:)
i had a taste of beyond bodymind in Yassin's presence
a huge infinite universe was opening.. infinite vortex..
i found myself ascending, formless, sucked by this infinity
it felt cold, a cold light..crystal like..
i just wanted to leave.. such peace, lightness, fluidity, liberation..
there was not a single drop of fear.. there was nothing actually..
just bliss..nothing else..
..
i realized that unless i give it ALL to Him, i will remain in the vicious circle .. and personally, i am bored with it all..
no more WHYs, HOWs, IFs, WHOs.
time to JUMP IN with both feet and NO MIND.
Dear sister Swaha;
thank you for sharing,this is beautiful & relieving. I haven't met Yassin personally as you know.But so far whenever I feel his energy,it's related to horror ...I know it's an ego thing from my sideHe's a holy man & I still love him so.
Yesterday night I felt I need to skip my practices,when I closed my eyes to sleep...there was this sun disc & there was no I & there was happiness...then I asked where am I?and I figured out there's no one...only this warm light.this is when I got alerted...I might be dying.
Looking back at it today,why the fear!It's this ego that's spoiling...everything is so perfect.
:) |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 12:07:14 PM
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Dear Delara,
Thank you for sharing. I've been through almost exactly similar experiences myself. And yes surrendering to someone like Yassine would help a lot. I know from first hand experience that he has helped me and my cousin Josephe a lot... But with Yassine you really need to be brave and hold on... For some reason maybe an egoic one I surrendered and didn't hang on all the way... All I know is I benefited and the connection and this benefit is still here even though I am no longer in direct contact with Yassine or Sheikh Belgacem but they are in my heart and a part of me and my being...
So yes, surrender and die but be brave!
Love,
Ananda |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 1:09:13 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
Dear Delara,
Thank you for sharing. I've been through almost exactly similar experiences myself. And yes surrendering to someone like Yassine would help a lot. I know from first hand experience that he has helped me and my cousin Josephe a lot... But with Yassine you really need to be brave and hold on... For some reason maybe an egoic one I surrendered and didn't hang on all the way... All I know is I benefited and the connection and this benefit is still here even though I am no longer in direct contact with Yassine or Sheikh Belgacem but they are in my heart and a part of me and my being...
So yes, surrender and die but be brave!
Love,
Ananda
thanx Ananda,This has always been your opinion.
I still feel I can do this on my own....
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 1:31:24 PM
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The guru is in you in the end
All the best dear [img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 1:56:40 PM
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| I'm ignorant...who is Yassine?? |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 2:24:22 PM
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Hi LT,
Yassine is a sufi friend of ours who was a medium between us and Sheikh Belgacem in Tunis. I've had quite a few rounds with him. I still recommend him for someone who wants a traditional guru chila relationship. As far as teachers and saints go, Yassine and his Sheikh are very authentic. Experience speaks for itself.
Here's a topic on my ups and downs with them:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=9548
Love,
Ananda |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 3:23:45 PM
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Hi Delara,
I know the feeling. So tired of the mind body system. So deeply long for that death which you speak of.
I find often, after this longing for death becomes very intense, a breakthrough comes like a new dawn after a storm, and the sky is clearer than it has ever been.
Love,
Josh |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 03:31:26 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson
Hi Delara,
I know the feeling. So tired of the mind body system. So deeply long for that death which you speak of.
I find often, after this longing for death becomes very intense, a breakthrough comes like a new dawn after a storm, and the sky is clearer than it has ever been.
Love,
Josh
Thank you Josh.
All's good.
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 03:45:39 AM
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Dear Josh;
I feel my desire for death is nothing more than death is desiring me.There's a strong feeling that something major will happen in my country & maybe surrounding....& therefore,for everyone's benefit,this death of ego is necessary.
Just blabbering...
[img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 12:53:54 PM
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| Thanks Ananda. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 08:20:00 AM
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If you can keep yourself from being suicidal, I think longing for death can be a good ishta.
That is what Castaneda wrote of in his books. He called it "using death as an advisor". In other words, when you have a question in your mind, the first thing you think of is "What would be the significance of this question if I knew i would die soon?".
Death is a very good advisor. Of course you have to be relatively free of fear so you can live a good life. Meditation and some kind of faith help with that. |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 09:07:37 AM
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"If you can keep yourself from being suicidal"
Yes,don't worry I can't even hurt a fly intentionally...why would I hurt myself
"What would be the significance of this question if I knew i would die soon?"
I use that from time to time
"Of course you have to be relatively free of fear so you can live a good life."
there's no fear.Just sadness sometimes related to certain thoughts yet peaceful.
thank you Etherfish,[img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
Edited by - Delara on May 21 2012 09:21:28 AM |
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I Desire Death
