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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 26 2012 : 1:06:08 PM
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Hello all
Not really sure where exactly to begin on this one but i have some questions and would appreciate any input you guys may have. Just a quick history, ive been practicing for about a year and a half after a spontaneous K awakening, started out a bit too eager and stacked on a ton of practices and since then i have learned to self pace like mad or else the consequences have been pretty dire. Since about last August i have cut back severely, from 45 min sessions to a couple of minutes of SB, 6 or 7 mins DM and about ten mins rest. Samyama comes and goes, should prolly go for awhile but how i love it Lately i have gotten to a point where i just cannot seem to stabilize for a very long period of time. Things just feel very different...before when i would overload i would get the body heat, rashes, extreme crankies, shaking and other things, this let me know when i needed to self pace...now my body feels great, light, ecstatic but not too much so, my appetite is way down from craving grounding foods,colors are like being on acid, visions/visuals up the wazoo...feeling very good. Lately though i have been experiencing the worst depression and 'dark thoughts'. this is new to me and im not sure what is causing it. The top of my head constantly feels cool and tingly, i used to experience uncomfy crown stuff like painful pin pricks, too much heat, tons of sucking and pulling and all that is gone now. besides my heart feeling a bit light, the breathing shallower, my body feels amazing. its just the mental stuff that is happening that is getting unsettling. when i lay down at night almost instantly it feels like im going out of my body, just relaxing and delicious, i dont favor it or try and encourage it just seems to happen a lot. i will wake up and these dark thoughts will be going full stream, sometimes my mind is just repeating 'failure failure failure' over and over, its insane. i feel like i am dying constantly, its really bizarre, just endings everywhere. on top of that i am feeling extreme empathy for..everything. cried like a baby watching kung fu panda 2 hah Even when i am being incredibly active or out with family, my mind has been in this funk and im wondering how i should go about my practices to reduce this? right now i only do one session a day, my morning session, i use the third enhancement. maybe breath meditation would be better? backing off completely? i appreciate any advice, or tips from others who might have gone or are going through something similiar. Much love to all of you |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2012 : 5:33:52 PM
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Hey Friend 
Not sure exactly what is up these days, but pretty much everyone I talk to (including myself...and yes, smartass, I *do* talk to myself ) has been going through a challenging time since (around) the new year. My guess is something astrological, but really I have no clue what's going on. You can suffice it to say, at least for me, things for the past 6-8 weeks have been crazy tumultuous, totally chaotic, and very, ummmm, "different." All that was "the ground" before has now been ripped away and replaced with space or water or something equally unstable. "The great unknowing" is everywhere now. For me it has been challenging to "re-find center," but still, at the same time there has been an almost drastic, deepened sense of peace. I think that for me, this is the most challenging part of it all. My mind has been desperately trying to find some sort of reconciliation to the (seeming) contradiction between being completely uprooted yet still at peace. Sometimes I worry about not being worried.  No, seriously.  Hahaha.
I don't really have any suggestions for you with regards to where to go with the practices, but I would suggest following your instincts. I just wanted to pipe in and say "you're not alone" as there are lots of us who are going through similar struggles right now.
Much love to you,
Carson |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4516 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2012 : 5:56:54 PM
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Hi Failforever,
Yes, it sounds like purification going on at some speed. With regards to the crown, even if the sensations at the crown seem light and not painful or excessive it can still be too much in terms of what it churns up elsewhere.
I would cut back on practices for a while if I were you. As you say, going to breath meditation for a while could well be a good move, and dropping samyama also for a while too. The key to managing a kundalini awakening is to find a stable platform where you can find some peace and inner stillness each day without it sending your life haywire. If you can find that, and keep it going for at least a month or two, then you could try adding to your practice again, little by little, keeping an eye out for too-much-of-a-good-thing happening.
On the other hand, if you are able to simply observe the negative thoughts with equanimity as the Witness, and smile as they leave, then that is another matter. That's the thing about negative thoughts though... they can suck you in.
You have to find a way that works for you...
Christi |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2012 : 10:57:23 PM
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| Thank you both for the input, i really appreciate it. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Feb 27 2012 : 05:54:40 AM
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Amen to what Carzon has said here. I stopped all practices for two weeks after energy hitting my neck and being unable to move it at all; plus I would wake up this intense fear in the pit of my stomach or just generally have the feeling of intense suffering but could find no cause to link it to. I started practices again last night and will proceed with caution.
It got me wondering - Is it something to do with the 2012 spiritual/ consciousness shift saga?
Sey |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2012 : 6:15:20 PM
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| Just an update...I stopped all practices for a bit to be safe. I just started again with only a few minutes DM and a super long rest period. Thank you wise person who advised me to rest waaay longer, it has already paid off big time. Love to you all |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2012 : 7:09:36 PM
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Hi faileforever
You could also try a different, less potent meditation technique to see how it feels. Personally, I've switched to a short, "simply sitting" meditation (only once a day) for the time being in order to stay in balance and it's been working good so far. Even breath watching still brings too much stuff up for me at this point, but simply sitting for 10 minutes with a 10 minute rest seems just right for my system.
Anyway, hope all is well for you and company.
Love!
Carson |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2012 : 7:20:47 PM
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| Thank you Carson:-) I should have mentioned i am also doing only breath meditation anything else and i can feel the energy rising pretty fast... feels just as effective We are in the same boat my friend. |
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