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escapado
Germany
88 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 05:32:58 AM
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Hey everybody
I noticed that I do a lot of things that are kind of "unnecessary"
Let me explain: I try and talk to people although I have not so much interest in them and/ or don't have anything to tell them.
Not saying anything leaves an expectation on me though. And even when when that expectation is not there, there is just no talk (that way it would be more natural in that moment)
It's just that almost all I share with most of the people is smalltalk and it just feels not right going on with it. But then there is no talk at all 
This is especially noticed when I see a girl that I want to flirt with but don't want to get to know her better in a way where personality matters. So there is something in me driving me to a talk with her but then I can't really talk.
Could it just be that for the first time I see my ego-self which is not interested in anything but itself?
Whatever it is, I don't like it but when I am honest and naked before me I know that all this stuff is of a lower priority / doesnt matter at all and I have to cut back all the habits and just stay with myself. But then I am only talking to people when I need something or they need something.
it's hard to explain and I don't know if what is happening is positive or negative or just shyness in the end(?)
I hope someone can help me out on this :(
ps. I did not know where to post this because it could be because of AYP but also because of my personal approach at the whole thing that for me implies cutting off all the characteristics which lead astray (since small talk does not really give me anything. But no talk at all doesnt make things better...)
If you don't know "the exact answer" to my "problem" it doesn't matter just give me your thoughts if you want to (because I usually never post as long as I am not 100% positive since I don't want to mislead anyone since there are many people on here who could give a more correct answer [the reason I don't post but only read on here, lol]. But me myself I accept any input if you feel it could help - maybe it does :)) |
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AumNaturel
Canada
687 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 10:07:56 AM
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here's some things that passed through my mind while reading:
it's the temporary phase of detachment with the rise of the witness, a period in life where the introverted complementing aspect of personality is stronger, possibly greater introversion with age (I have heard that somewhere but not sure if the theory is well grounded), a period of time where you are emphasizing deeper meaningful relationships, a call to put more emphasis on connecting to yourself which can translate into connecting to others.
I find it easy to feel alone and isolated even when in company of closer people, but sometimes that alone-ness can actually help appreciate the company. At other times (or most times) nothing would be better than to be alone and isolated in the privacy of your own company, perhaps having a satsang with the universe.
I know what you mean when you say "talking to others only when you or they need something" but we all need something, really, and when that something finds some sort of resonance or maybe even dissonance, you might get into an absorbing conversation when you least expected it, and even form a positive relationship around that.
just some thoughts, thanks for sharing, and for paving the way for more sharing :) |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 11:22:50 AM
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Escapado
Hi, I read your post, and then had an AYP sit. I think that your practices, done daily, will help you with your "problem" of how to deal with silence and talk when relating to others, particularly to women you find attractive.
With the expansion of inner silence, social anxiety decreases. That means you can be in a situation that used to be awkward, but you can be at ease by being present to you own inner spaciousness.
With respect to sexual tension you feel with an attractive woman, remember that before you were with her, you were alone, and after you will depart from her, you are alone. The quality of how you spend that alone time will help you be skillful in the together time. One quick suggestion: notice how you feel about a woman, do your AYP sit, then notice again how you feel about that woman. Is there any shift. When you are more self-aware, then you are not so needy, when you are less needy, you notice a wider range of what is happening.
With respect to knowing what to say to "break the ice" -- the expansion of intuitive ability will go a long way. You can go outside the expected discourse, but do it with a ease, and lightness. It can be funny, or serious, or both.
Wishing you well!
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 11:59:45 AM
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A good start is to be interested in whoever you are talking to. Ask them questions about themselves and listen really carefully to the answers while keeping totally silent.
Do more listening than talking and you get to see a beautiful side of a person, the fragility and fears, the carefully camoflaged child like innocence that is a direct refection of who you are.
Sometimes with attraction the Ego gets in the way, but just treat the object of your desires as you would anyone else. It's nice to comment on things that you find attractive about that persons character or mannerisms. If you build a strong rapport you can get intuitions about a person that no one else notices which is a beautiful thing to experience and often fades the initial desiring into something far more subtle.
Meanwhile carry on with AYP practises and all will be revealed. If this awkwardness is the result of practice, then it's just a phase, a bit like puberty where everything feels a bit awkward. Thats how you know things are happening and the awkward stage will pass so hang on in there. |
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lmaher22
USA
217 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 9:49:21 PM
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| Hot chicks and shy guys? Is this something new???????????? |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2011 : 10:08:15 PM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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Kahlia
161 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2011 : 10:57:16 AM
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I think being yourself is the most important thing and not worrying too much and over analyzing things. I have the same problems with men... and women. Im not so good at small talk and I am very sensitive to other people so I find being around people uncomfortable and ackward at times. Because of this I make sure to try and get out as much as I can and be around all sorts of people to get practice and get better at it...but I do find it so... ackward...
Be yourself...just let it flow... dont over analyse. Try working with the connection between Anahata and Vishuddha, the heart and throat chakra... chanting, singing and yoga are all great for this. This will help for more natural, connected self expression and communication. It helps one not be so self conscious about their speech and verbal interaction and be more present in the moment, it helps diminish any blockages, anxiety and fear.
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Edited by - Kahlia on Aug 26 2011 11:28:10 AM |
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escapado
Germany
88 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2011 : 4:15:27 PM
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Thanks so much everybody!
lmaher22 it's not jsut that. It's like I'm fine without saying anything I don't even feel like talking but my ego (at elast Id say so now) wants me to do it.
Kahlia, yeah I noticed that! When I take my guitar with me and we all go singing and playing guitar outside talking and being with people becomes easier and I can feel an ease at the throat area! |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2011 : 09:21:05 AM
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My thoughts from similar situations:
Try to be at ease when you are not talking at all around other people. It's OK to be silent and relaxed.
Then if someone else breaks the silence, what karl said; show interest in them.
But strangers are often scared if you talk about them directly. Start by talking about something around you or your own feelings first.
For instance if you say "Do you feel it's hot out?"; most people will tend to withdraw. But if you say "I'm roasting" or "It's hot", they will tend to open up.
Also, when you are around a woman you are attracted to, you can be thankful for that feeling and enjoy the energy without taking any action on it. The woman will sense how you feel anyway. |
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Losing the connection to the people around me
