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Sanskritbliss
USA
11 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 09:26:40 AM
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I just found Yogani a few days ago after 32 years of searching for my path. Actually, it was a one paragraph mention in a fabulous book called "American Veda" by Philip Goldberg (page 221 hardcover).
One of the most astounding things for me is how many people on the forum have followed similar roads to mine leading here. I did TM in 1980, moved to SRF (Yogananda) for the better part of 14 years, and did brief stints with a whole bunch of others (including Sahaj Marg). Have been doing Insight Meditation for the past six months, and about two months ago came back to TM and a very patient instructor who has been guiding me through my personal challenge of NOT coordinating the mantra with the breath.
Yogani's explanation of Deep Meditation blew me away and helped me more than all my sessions with the TM instructor. I hated my mantra from TM and love the I AM of AYP. :) I am eternally grateful for these teachings and this forum. And that is one reason why I believe I have finally found my "home" in AYP.
For the past year and a half, I have been on disability for chronic fatigue syndrome (CFIDS) with the worst symptoms being dizziness (24/7), migraines, and brain fog.
As I've watched my life disintegrate, my yearning to find my spiritual path has increased exponentially, and I have been single-mindedly searching. It has been a very difficult surrender, letting go of all the work I have done on the Internet, taking down all my sites, not writing any longer, etc. Letting go of all my hopes and dreams.
I no longer know who I am or what I am meant to do in this life. I can't even drive much of the time. It's very unnerving and humbling. I have been forced to slow down to less than a crawl. I have to just be.
AYP feels right to me and I feel a profound joy and relief in that knowledge. I love the simplicity, even within the future complexity. And the common sense nature with no rigid rules.
I am wondering if my illness could be partially a kundalini awakening based on what I have read on this site. I have always been scared of kundalini and know little about it.
No one can figure out why I am dizzy and I have had just about every test on earth. It is bizarre. I also have ridiculous chemical and food sensitivities. It feels like my nervous system is fried.
QUESTIONS:
1. I really want the balance of the deep meditation and SBP. But is it ok for me to do SBP in my condition? I HOPE SO as I love it!
2. In SRF, I always got sick with a bad cold after a few weeks of doing Kriya and that is partially why I stopped. I am feeling like I may be getting sick from SBP. But I really love it. Has anyone else ever had that experience?
3. Is T'ai Chi a good way to do grounding? I have been doing a version called T'ai Chi Chih, which is a wonderful and gentle form of T'ai Chi. I am unable to really do exercise, but I can manage to do this.
All yoga postures seems to aggravate my condition and not feel good. Though the SRF Energization exercises seem ok. Anyone still doing those?
4. I have a lot of issues with breath, sometimes feel very short of breath (yes, have had all tests, nothing wrong). I did Buteyko for awhile, which really is anti-deep breathing. But I have a lot of "breath consciousness" and have trouble NOT thinking of the breath. There is a big fear factor in there for me. Any thoughts on this? It feels clunky doing deep meditation and NOT coordinating with the breath.
5. If I get the two Easy Lessons books, does that contain all the material in the smaller books? Do I need to buy them or is everything contained within the site and forums? Money is an issue right now.
6. Technical question - how do I do a search on the lessons? I see the Search within the forums, but cannot find a search feature for the lessons.
7. Can someone direct me to what is essential for me to understand about kundalini rising and grounding when following this path? I don't want to have another "thing" to worry about, so for me less is more. :)
Thank you to anyone who has the patience to read this and respond. :) So excited to be part of this wonderful community. Yogani, thank you for speaking to my soul and for your generosity and clarity of vision.
Susan |
Edited by - Sanskritbliss on Jul 17 2011 09:44:09 AM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 09:46:58 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sanskritbliss
5. If I get the two Easy Lessons books, does that contain all the material in the smaller books? Do I need to buy them or is everything contained within the site and forums? Money is an issue right now.
6. Technical question - how do I do a search on the lessons? I see the Search within the forums, but cannot find a search feature for the lessons.
Welcome Susan!
Glad you found your way here
I would like to speak to questions 4 and 5. The Key Lessons on the left of this page will be enough to get you on your way on the AYP path. The books are a nice addition when funds allow. There is lots of info on the site, and the way I search it is by going to my Google search engine, typing in "aypsite" and whatever search term I want to explore. For example I just did this search: aypsite "American Veda"
I found this:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....ID=8756#8756
Best
Be
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xir
Ireland
25 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 09:53:36 AM
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I crawled into bed, in the mid-day, i felt all my energy sapped, like my whole body was exhausted, like it was used up. I feel this every day at odd times, especially when I start work, but I slept very well. Sometimes, I feel emotionally drained, dealing with people.
I tend to process a lot of energies, about different people, without actually 'doing' meditation.
I have found going on a walk, is a really good way to kind of be peaceful, and it kind of processes a lot of different energies.
Sometimes, it feels like I am sleeping, for hours and hours, then I wake up. Sometimes, my best insights come when I am walking, sometimes, they are not insights, but just feelings, like I am more positive.
I do Qi-gong now and again, when I feel like it. It's not like Tai-Chi but it's a powerful one, that leaves me feeling refreshed. It is powerful visualisations, included in it, and takes 25-30 minutes each time.
I try and do this without questions and without expectation, I do it because it feels good. I think you know what feels good.
While I am not happy, that I do not do it all time or that much, I trust my own intuition and my own emotions, regarding what to do, when and how much.
Sometimes, I wish I could do more, especially when I feel tired, but I just lie down on the bed, and put my hands over my belly button and kind of breathe for a bit, and sometimes, just energy here, i slip into a kind of soft sleep, where I am awake.
Don't think anyone really needs lessons. Read lots of book, they all have the same feel.
They are dominated by people trying to understand, like one sided, it pays no attention to the intuition we all have, where nothing really is understood, but by trusting it, we can kind of get a feel for ourselves, the direction of where the energy flows.
Sometimes, it just feels like you know what to do, and by allowing the actions to flow from that knowing, there is kind of an agitation and the other side that wants to know why, how, how much, when, what, but that is part of the unfolding, the doubting oneself, until eventually what emerges, is a practice of life itself....
where one does Qi-gong / meditation when one feels the need to do, or when the practice itself takes over, and the flow of life shapes it into something for you...
Did you ever just get something, or have something just fall into place, without actually thinking or going looking for ... but you know it was a result of you're own patience and you're own practice ... and recognition of what you were actually doing ... but deep down you kind of knew ... when what arrived was something that was for you... in the end...
it's like you remain faithful and do without expectation ... you're practices ... and eventually it gives back to you ...
like investing time into something ... but you don't know why ... but you do feel that by doing it ... you can see it unfolding naturally... but it's not a result of doing the practice... but more kind of allowing of more and more ... of it in you ...
....
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xir
Ireland
25 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 10:17:52 AM
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| Lot of spiritual bullsh*t out there, i tend to have absorbed a lot of it. Yeah, you don't need to give up anything... or take on anything new... i just do qi-gong for medical reasons ... i given up on the spiritual side of things ... because it's not important at the moment... |
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yogani
USA
5247 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 1:08:22 PM
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Hi Susan, and welcome!
Glad to hear you are finding the AYP writings helpful.
Bewell is correct -- you can go a long way with the free lessons on this website. There is a "site search" feature on the top menu of all pages on the main website. It is Google-driven also. You can zero in on the lessons by typing "lesson" before your search term in the search box. If you don't type in "lesson," you may see a lot of forum topics listed before lessons, since Google search covers both.
The two big "AYP Easy Lessons" volumes cover all of the online lessons, plus about 20% more. That is the fullest coverage of the AYP system of practices.
The small "AYP Enlightenment Series" books provide instructions on the core practices of AYP in an organized compartmentalized way, for those who are looking for easy entry points into the AYP system according to individual interest. What is in the small books is also in the big books, but easier to find in concise form in the small books (100 pages each) than weeding through the two big text books containing over 1000 pages of material. The small Deep Meditation book is popular and a good add-on to the lessons. It, or any of the E-Series books, is not expensive in paperback, and less than half that in ebook format.
There is also the Secrets of Wilder novel, which is a way to take the journey of human spiritual transformation vicariously in a story, which includes the practices, extensive coverage of experiences, etc.
Regarding SBP, balancing of practices, and so on, in AYP we have "self-pacing," which enables anyone to try and regulate just about any practice without overdoing too much. Of course, self-pacing means taking responsibility for our practices in relation to our experiences, including the possibility of delayed reactions when overdoing our practices. If the advice in the lessons is 10 minutes of SBP with self-pacing as needed, and the practitioner is doing an hour of SBP, then all bets are off. So, if you like SBP and find you are sensitive to it, keep it short, like 5 minutes before deep meditation, and self-pace as necessary. It is always going to be your call. That is the nature of the AYP open source system.
As for following or synchronizing the breath in mantra meditation, it can happen. It is simply a matter of habit. If we follow the procedure of deep meditation, easily favoring the mantra whenever we realize we are off it, then other habits of attention (including attention on breath) will gradually lose their grip. There is nothing wrong with finding ourselves on the breath, thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc, along with the mantra in deep meditation. It is normal. We just follow the procedure and easily favor the mantra when we become aware that we are off on something else. In time, this becomes an easy and deepening habit, and the other things we may have been preoccupied with become less predominant. What we end up with is increasing abiding inner silence in our life, and less fixation on all objects of perception, including thoughts, feelings and our external environment (including the body). Then we find everything in our life moving toward more balance, peace, creativity, energy and joy. But we have to be consistent in our daily practice to see these results coming over time.
I think you will find the approach to kundalini in the lessons to be reasonable and balanced. And, yes, Tai Chi in moderate amounts is a good grounding practice. Keeping a reasonable amount of activity going during the day, according to our capacity, is just as important as our spiritual practices. Practices enliven activity with inner silence and spiritual energy, and activity stabilizes the result of practices in our life.
Remember, more of practices isn't necessarily going to be better. Part of your current issue may be having tried to do too much, including switching things around a bit too often. Here in AYP, we often say, "Less is more" ... and, "Human spiritual transformation is a marathon, not a sprint."
So relax, self-pace, and enjoy!
The guru is in you.
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jenniferad
47 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 8:41:43 PM
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Hello Susan!
I am new here too! I have been following AYP practices now for two months and I absolutely love the practices and the effects they are having in my life. I had kundalini awakening in 2005/2006 and I wish I had known about this system back then. Like you, I knew very little about kundalini. My journey was extremely painful and it is quite a relief to know it doesn't have to be that way.
I am sorry you are having so many difficult physical symptoms and I hope you find relief. Everyone is different, so each practitioners' results will vary in detail and in how long they take to show up. For me, I was having recurring migraine headaches before AYP and now I haven't had a migraine in almost two weeks.
Also, I had a deeply satisfying relationship with coffee and now I don't drink it at all. My kids would hear me sigh in delight every morning when I would enjoy my morning java. But the strangest thing is, when I started doing spinal breathing and deep meditation, I no longer wanted coffee because it made me feel unwell. Now I don't even miss it. The pleasure I used to get from coffee I get even more just from the energy moving through my body.
I also would experience brain fog before AYP, especially in the afternoons on a busy and hectic day. That has totally cleared up. I have been getting less sleep because I have been waking up earlier to meditate, but I am much more clear headed and have plenty of energy. Another nice effect is when I am in a rush I no longer feel uptight or stressed. I am sure that is nice for my kids.
I hope you will share about how you are doing as you follow the practices. I have a very dear friend who has similar symptoms to yours, and I have wondered if they are all due to blocks in kundalini energy. She is suffering very much right now, and I wonder if AYP would help. It might be useful to her and others to hear personal stories from people who have such chronic and difficult symptoms finding healing with AYP.
You said you feel you might be getting sick from SBP. What is happening to make you think it is SBP that is making you sick? I have felt a little strange after overdoing it with SBP a few times. What has happened is a little of what happened in 2005/2006, which is I start feeling a little scared of the power I am tapping into. I also feel a little dizzy and I get into kind of a dreamlike state. Then I know I am overdoing it and decrease the amount of time I spend on SBP and DM. That is self-pacing.
Like you, I am very grateful to yogani and to everyone else on this forum who post kind and helpful answers.
Best wishes to you, Susan.
Jennifer |
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Sanskritbliss
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 11:37:29 PM
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Thank you so much for all the responses. Yogani, thank you for your words of encouragement and clarification. Just listened to the six part radio interview with you and it helped even more.
Jennifer, yes, I will definitely post any changes. And I, too, feel kind of scared about all this. Don't know what I'm unleashing. :) I actually have no interest in ecstatic energy - My fervent prayer is to be free of fear and find some peace. On the other hand, if that happened, I'd probably be pretty ecstatic. If the dizziness lifted, well then there'd truly be cause for celebration.
I think this illness is a spiritual lesson and it has brought me to AYP (and to my knees). So I will just do my meditation and pranayama twice a day. Actually, I just got the Samyama ebook and I cannot wait to incorporate this practice. I think that is more than enough for now.
Again, thanks to you all.
Susan
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riptiz
United Kingdom
741 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 11:40:43 AM
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Hi Susan,
Although I don't follow the AYP practices I fully endorse Yogani saying 'self pace'. In your case CFS which I believe is energy based you need to be careful that you don't do too much as it will make things worse. The colds you expereince are cleansing due to energy work. Before I was seriously involved in Reiki and gave a distant attunement in my early days to a lady in the USA who suffered MS.Unfortunately I was inexperienced in some of the results from energy work and she was in a flare at the time. She ended up in more pain than before due to the energy overload.Hence I caution you to listen to your inner guidance about overload which I think you have an understanding of.
L&L
Dave |
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Questions from Newbie - chronic illness and more
