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Tantra and Self-Pacing (Audio)
January 9, 2010
It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive,
as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What
is tantra yoga?"
Q: I used to feel a lot of ecstatic energy with
stillness after long tantra sessions with my partner. But lately, I find
myself feeling tired, irritable and let down for a day or two afterwards, as
if I ejaculated too much, even though I did not. What is going on?
A: Like with any spiritual practice, we can overdo with tantric sex, and
we will feel the effects in the aftermath. There can also be a delayed
reaction, days or weeks later. There can be a combination of overdoing from
several practices. If we are overdoing in one practice, we may have a
tendency to overdo with other related practices. In the case of tantric sex,
the overdoing may overflow into mulabandha, siddhasana, kumbhaka and other
energy cultivating practices.
The answer is
self-pacing until we find a stable routine that does not leave us in an
energy overload and/or letdown mode. This is relatively simple in our
sitting practices, where we regulate the times of practice to achieve a
balance. Self-pacing is more tricky in our love life, where lifestyle and
relationship with our partner can exert an influence over the structure of
our practice. It will certainly take some understanding and cooperation from
our partner to self-pace tantric sex. Few expect loving-making to last an
hour or more, though we can get used to anything. If it has to go back to
half and hour, or fifteen minutes, it might seem a pinch, but this is still
far more than the average.
So do whatever is necessary to bring your
practice into balance with the rest of your life. Otherwise, the purpose of
practices will be compromised. We do them to improve the quality of our
life, not to wear ourselves out with energy overloads. You can be certain
that the underlying principle of the preservation and cultivation of sexual
energy (brahmacharya) will not change. It is only how we accomplish that
while keeping in balance that may shift for us over time. So we make
adjustments as necessary. In time, we will find that less is more when it
comes to tantric sex. This is true of yoga in general, as we advance on the
path of abiding inner silence and ecstatic bliss.
Be sure to keep a
good balance with sitting practices. Results in tantra depend to a great
extent on the quality and regularity of our sitting practices deep
meditation, spinal breathing pranayama, and so on, as per the AYP main
The guru is in you.
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Note: For detailed
instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga
practices and the enlightenment process, see the
AYP Tantra book.
For detailed instructions on building a
daily practice routine with self-pacing, see the
Eight Limbs of Yoga Book. Also see