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BellaMente
USA
147 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 25 2009 : 8:58:59 PM
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| I have noticed that I have an addictive personality... I always have this feeling that I need something, I need something to make me feel better, I take this, I drink that, and it's not enough. I always need something it seems and I need to know how to stop this! I know it's irrational and I want to be normal! Does anybody know how to deal with something like this??? |
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machart
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2009 : 9:34:04 PM
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| Great question!...I have addictions too...I think it is normal...my advice is to just keep up with the AYP practices and let the LOVE flow... |
Edited by - machart on Oct 25 2009 9:39:15 PM |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2009 : 9:48:31 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente
I have noticed that I have an addictive personality... I always have this feeling that I need something, I need something to make me feel better, I take this, I drink that, and it's not enough. I always need something it seems and I need to know how to stop this! I know it's irrational and I want to be normal! Does anybody know how to deal with something like this???
Every ego is addictive; it's simply a matter of degree.
Yoga *is* the cure for addiction.
Reality erases the illusion of thinking we're a separate self that needs something from "outside" itself to be whole.
In initial stages of kundalini awakening, such as you're presumably going through, sometimes this dynamic seems to be exacerbated.
Just be aware of it, and know that it's the perception of being a separate self that's at the root of all suffering and discomfort.
If the behavioral addictions really seem to be an issue, twelve step programs (as mentioned in the AYP Lessons) can be a helpful augmentation to daily practices.
The twelve steps are just a specific refinement of universal spiritual principles.
I realized sometime back that the trajectory of the twelve steps is identical to that of yoga;
*Recognizing that something better/different than "our own best thinking" is needed.
*Letting go, and letting God/"Higher Power".
*Taking the steps needed to liberate attention from memory and imagination, which primarily involves releasing memory and imagination, which are most often held in place due to lack of forgiveness for self and others.
*Maintaining conscious contact with God/Higher Power.
*Carrying the message (whatever message, in whatever way; shifting from the illusion of getting to the reality of giving that is the essence of all life, with the exception of the dream-aberration we call the human ego).
Is twelve step right for you?
Let intuition and/or wise advice from whatever source be your guide there .... if, as the first step says, your life has become unmanageable, you probably have a sense that this is so.
If the circumstances of your life don't seem that severe, and/or intuition doesn't impel you to do anything else .... I agree with Machart: continuing daily practices is the single biggest favor you can do for yourself, here ... regardless of whether or not you do anything else.
Daily practices will cause the spontaneous dissolution of the vast majority of "issues" that thinking mind is worried about; both the worry and the issues themselves start to dissipate, as an actual result of practices.
Thinking-worry can't imagine this.
It doesn't have to.
The dissolution happens anyway.
I hope this helps.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman |
Edited by - Kirtanman on Oct 25 2009 10:51:20 PM |
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christiane
Lebanon
319 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2009 : 03:06:57 AM
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Hi BellaMente
When I feel this "need" for an external source to feel whole, it is clearly a sign that I'm not centered and the enegy has dropped down to the mind.
First, accepting the symptoms that come with this 'unstable' state - anxiety, fears, uncomfortable feelings - helps calming down the storm.
Then, trying to bring more awareness to any tool you 'use to feel better'.. you feel the urge to smoke/drink/etc.?
Do it, but not mechanically.. Try to do it slowly, with awareness..
Try to see what is the feeling inside when you use this 'outer' comfort.
What are you escaping from? By running after substitutes to feel better, what are you missing? What are you afraid of that makes you run and seek outside the source of your peace?
I'm asking you and I ask myself!! coz I'm talking from my experience now. I'm facing the same uncomfortable symptoms.
What to do? Face your fear!
Sit quietly in your room, close your eyes, and ask yourself: "what are the thoughts that are scaring me and making me behave this way?"
No matter the emotions that start bubbling up, allow anything to come out and WATCH! As if you were observing an outer object..as if all this is happening to someone else..
Face any negative feeling/thought that is being cultivated inside.
The deeper you go into this, the bigger the chances you have to transform the negative feelings, fears etc. into their opposite.
But by escaping the pain and runnig away, outside, you actually postpone the transformation and healing.
It is a painful moment that can last for hours and days.
but it's worth it! It demands courage to dive into the darkness.
There's no other way..
And it goes without saying that the practices and daily meditation are essential to maintain the energy high, above the mind.
Otherwise, we are easily driven by the thoughts/emotions and it becomes harder to "see" from a distance.
Hope the above are helpful..
Love |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2009 : 11:42:12 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by BellaMente
Does anybody know how to deal with something like this???
Kinda sorta 
I'm in the same boat. I have addictive behaviors and see very clearly how irrational they are. Daily meditation helps. It hasn't led me to stop the behavior, but there is a lot more acceptance and awareness of the situation. And there's less of the behavior.
Acceptance is important. I feel that if you guilt yourself whenever you give in to a craving, you reinforce it. The inner conflict is the real addiction, not the thing you appear to be addicted to. Fighting it just makes it worse. If you're going to do it, you might as well enjoy it. I like christiane's idea of doing it with awareness.
The main thing is not to be hard on yourself. Lifelong habits can take time to unwind. So let them unwind. Try to let go and enjoy the unwinding.
Peace
cosmic |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2009 : 4:14:52 PM
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I agree with Cosmic. Acceptance is very important.
Couple of other things that may help:
They say in the 12 Step program.. (something along the lines of) if you have a strong craving for a substance.. and you can distract yourself for 10-15 mins, the craving will subside. It will come back again later maybe.. depending on the triggers.. but just distracting yourself at such points works amazingly, even for mind addictions.
Also, there is something else they call HALT.. 4 things that trigger a craving.. when you need to HALT (stop yourself by distracting yourself for the 10-15 mins).. H- hungry, A-angry, L-lonely, T-tired. If you observe when you have the strongest cravings.. it will be during one of these phases.. and re-programming your mind, by doing something to distract yourself when one of these triggers are present, will help you get over an addiction.. its just a matter of re-training the mind.. trying to resist will just make the mind crave it more. |
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BellaMente
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2009 : 8:32:36 PM
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Thank you all for your responses! I will try to practice accepting this kind of stuff. I have a hard time with stuff like 'acceptance', 'watching your thoughts/emotions', etc. but I will keep trying.
That is interesting you bring up the 12 steps- I went to see a doctor today to get some more suboxone (I have been weaning myself off but am not ready to make that leap yet) and he ended up being a psychiatrist! I haven't seen one of those in years! He said I have an extreme case of social anxiety and was going to prescribe me some xanax too but I said I want to be done with all addictive substances and definitely don't want to be on meds- so he suggested I take a holistic approach and start meditation and yoga (very rare for a psychiatrist), of course I let him know I just started doing AYP not too long ago- but he also suggested I do something like NA so it would help the addictive part and the anxiety part... So I will definitely check it out.
The H-A-L-T suggestion actually sounds familiar, I probably heard it in one of those group therapy sessions I had to go to when I was young and getting into all kinds of trouble. That definitely is true though, thanks Shanti!
Thanks again everyone for being so helpful!
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littlejerry
USA
60 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 10:29:28 AM
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bella:
i have addictions.... i also have habits... try to distinguish the 2... cigarettes for example... sometimes i smoke because of the addiction other times its a habit... example: cig after a meal is usually a habit.
Littlejerry |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 3:52:10 PM
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Hi Bella, I used to have a very strong case of social phobia, and did all kinds of things to get over it like go in public into malls and go out and do things out as much as possible- volunteering in libraries, and going to a social group (that's organized especially for people with things like that). I still go to that group.
Meditation and yoga also helped and helps me tremendously, and the anxiety lessens each month.
You are in good shape.. keep going |
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miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 4:34:12 PM
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Hi bellamente and all,
The same situation here before starting with meditation.
With meditation it changes,becoming less and less every day,month,year...
Daily practices and substitution of adictive objects for your ishta helps a lot.Give your desires to God/Ishta devata...and if you have some inner silence many things will begin to change for sure...really fast!
This situation is normal,we live in western culture.Were sorrounded by stimulous.
quote:
I know it's irrational and I want to be normal!
Whats "normal"?..who stablishes it?
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Edited by - miguel on Oct 29 2009 4:50:14 PM |
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BellaMente
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 12:59:54 PM
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Thanks everyone for your support. My case is strange because I have the social anxiety, but at the same time I have a very outgoing and social personality so they contradict each other. So I can go out and go to classes and talk to people, but I hold back a lot of what I want to say, I don't speak my mind, and I refuse to do any activity or go anywhere by myself. So I will visit my physics professor and talk to him about physics, but I wont tell him how I personally feel something or any details about my life, my past, etc. And I will go take tango/salsa dancing classes with my fiance' but I am to scared to go to a yoga class or a belly dancing class by myself...
I am noticing a big difference since I started AYP though, and I just got a new job so I hope it will help... |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 6:58:43 PM
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These are all normal feelings most people have. Most people won't talk about personal things to a lot of people. If you do people will see you as immature. You should force yourself to do things alone; it's good medicine. Everyone feels anxiety doing new things with new people. You get used to it after some practice. You have to get over the feeling that you have to impress anyone.
As for addiction, one thing that helps is everytime you feel you need something, think about God (or whatever your highest ideal is called). Tell yourself that what you really want is God, and immerse your thoughts in him. Eventually you will see that is really what you wanted. You want something that is outside yourself because you perceive God to be outside yourself. You think that you need to bring something to your body from the outside to make it whole, because you think God is outside you. |
Edited by - Etherfish on Nov 10 2009 7:02:40 PM |
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BellaMente
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 8:51:32 PM
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Hmmm, interesting points, Ether... All good suggestions, thanks.
As for the personal thing... I didn't mean personal insider only details.. For example, if I was upset about my performance on a quiz or etc. the mere thought of telling him brings a rush of adrenaline surging through my veins... Defending my reasons why I don't believe in gravitons, explaining my personal experience with psychology, even speaking aloud in class etc. etc. all these are things I cannot do without an intense rush of anxiety. And I am pretty close with the main profesor I was refering to and I want to tell him certain things, I want to let him in and share stories, but I am too overwhelmed when I have the chance... This happens with many people, I have a wall up unfortunately, a very thick, hard outer shell (interestingly my moon sign is in cancer) and don't trust anybody, not even my family. I don't even let my best friend in completely, there are just some things I do not speak about. My fiance' is the only one I will let in and can share anything with, but unfortunately because of this, all I do is overwhelm him with my billions of thoughts, observances, and opinions, pouring out of the flood gates! Poor thing, his mind is unable to process everything that I have to say since I hold it all back from everyone else!
But you are right I have a fear of rejection and criticism, and need to deal with this now, not keep putting it off to have it keep coming around and biting me in the a**. I realized that kundalini is all about uncovering the hidden, releasing the repressed, and dealing with it now, not later, right now, even if it drives people to insanity fighting it...
So sorry about all the rambling I have done... Damn that caffeine! 
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 9:33:15 PM
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I'm cancer too. I went through the exact same stuff. i have big trust issues too. I learned that you can trust people with some things and not others, and each person has a different list of things you can trust. For instance I have a very good friend who I would never trust to be a loyal lover, and yet I would trust her with my money or my life!
With social anxieties; I would run experiments. For instance I would go to a party and decide beforehand that I would make no effort at all to make people like me, and would not react to any kind of rejection; I would pretend i didn't care. Nothing happened and I had fun!
Then I met a woman i liked. I decided to not make any effort at all to impress her, in fact I would not hesitate to show her my flaws that people don't like, and I wouldn't care how she was repulsed at all. She ended up liking me even though she was way out of my league!
You can learn a lot from experiments like that. Best to do them away from home or work though, as there is nothing to lose so it's easier. |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 10:13:19 PM
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since you asked
you can try this When the urge arises and you are focused on "that" shift your attention for a little bit, even just one second, to something else and become aware of it. WHen you see that you can shift your focus, the addiction may start to loose its power. This is something I do in addition to other daily practices.
my best to you brother
Brother Neil
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2009 : 12:59:15 AM
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thank you BellaMente for sharing yourself so openly, that's very brave of you
and in gratitude to all the good advice which have been given here(f)
Oh and who doesn't have addictionsss, but we do the best we can.
if i am to give an advice, it would be do things while you're awake with mindfulness and stop yourself before it becomes too much and then you'll see how the need suddenly goes away.
namaste |
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gumpi
United Kingdom
546 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2009 : 12:48:45 PM
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Hi Bellamente,
I always had social anxiety until i fell into mental illness. I've felt some of the things you said you feel. Like speaking publicly or not opening up to others.
I think a more reasonable perspective is that everybody feels nervous to some degree. You are not alone. In fact, i think you would be surprised to find how many people are just like you are, hiding themselves behind a social mask or not opening up to others, feeling nervous etc. The other side of the coin is that you don't want to open up to others for the good social reasons that in some ways it may be "taboo". But confidence is a big aid in all interactions.
I used to engage in a lot of negative mental self-talk. That is really one of the biggest factors here i feel. I had CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) which helped me to identify or catch these negative thoughts as they came up and then dismiss them with positive thoughts. This is not only one of the biggest aspects of CBT but even Patanjali mentions this in the Sutras. It is a lot like positive affirmations also. The mind is like a habit machine, as you should be able to recognise if you catch yourself singing some songs you heard mentally. The senses receive loads of information which your mind percieves and interprets and when the interpretation gets repeated by dwelling on whatever, habits form. Believe me, it isn't hard to change the overall trend of your thoughts from negative to positive - it just takes practice and time (another thing Krishna said about meditation in the Gita).
For example, these days if i get any negative thoughts i can almost immediately forget them and make the emotional reactions dissipate quickly. What your mind needs is love and compassion for these negative feelings and thoughts by rememberance. After a while, it becomes easier and easier to let go of the negativity.
About addictions. I am addicted to drink and pot and cigarettes. These type of "habits" are much harder to change. You said you just got a job. This is probably one of the best things for you because it staves off boredom, and boredom is a big part for why we turn to bad habits. I do not work; hence i have too much free time, get bored and turn to drink etc. I don't know the answer to how to get rid of these addictions but essentially it consists of will power and making up your mind completely. How to get to that stage is something i am working on.
Incidentally, in another recent post of yours you said you were getting sleep paralysis and OBE symptoms. Is this a product of your recent engagement in meditation practices or does it have more to do with stress? If the latter, there are loads of things you can do to help yourself feel better. You have to watch what you eat and drink, practice muscular relaxation, stay away from drugs and alcohol, replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, force yourself to get out more little by little, build confidence. Relationships are often the biggest source of personal stress so make sure your environment at home brings you happiness.
Also, regarding medication, there is nothing wrong with being on anti-depressants, if that is what you are on. But in general it is better to be free of all drugs. Come off slowly, not quickly, and incorporate all other beneficial changes in the interim.
We can't always change how we feel and react to things due to upbringing, environment, learning and instinct. But we can do a lot with our thinking to nullify the effects of negative feelings. |
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Akasha
421 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2009 : 3:53:14 PM
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Regular daily effective yoga practices is a good idea.
Making an easy habit out of it, with no expectation of anything in return.
The way out is in. |
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BellaMente
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2009 : 9:29:51 PM
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Wow thank you guys for all the advice and support! I will defintely try all these techniques you mentioned!
Incidentally, I have a huge blockage in my throat and it is interesting to note that the throat chakra is linked to addictions, not speaking up for yourself and holding back thoughts, words, etc. etc! I wonder... is the blockage contributing to these problems or are the problems causing the blockage???
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Addictive Personality
