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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 27 2009 : 4:50:44 PM
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Hello Katrine and thank you for continuing to converse with me on this...I know this conversation is really kinda pointless and "mindy" so I appreciate you being willing to try to help me figure this out.
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Originally posted by Katrine
No snow here now thank God 
Want to do a "house swap"? Trade countries for a year or so? I loved Norway when I was there as a teenager and would love to go back someday. (never made it to a single town or city in Norway though...spent the whole time snowboarding the backcountry.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
And now, I end up laughing when my wife is crying because I have inadvertantly hurt her.... Seems so wrong but is really very liberating.
One of my daughters....she can laugh like that ....exactly like you explained it.....she too had to really force herself to behave like a normal (conditioned) being....I am sorry I was so unaware at the time.....
Thank God this isn't how I instinctually react to everything right now, but I can forsee this being the way it will be in the future, so I am working now on being able to keep it under control when necessary. I really hate trying to explain to irrate people why they should be laughing as well! Most of the time they just can't see things the way I do....funny for me, not for them. Sometimes creates more tension rather then lessening it. All depends on the people involved I guess.
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Originally posted by Katrine
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but since the vision is not fully developped here (Ajna is being worked on)...what is perceived is simply this fact that I am all over the place....yet cannot see myself....
I mean that since I do not see my subtle body...or astral body or whatever....this type of being "free from the body" did not get a chance to be a distraction...So then the jump from having felt myself to be the physical body and then one day suddenly being uncovered as being just...nothingness.....it was such a totally...intimately alien...and yet completely real experience.....To know...without looking.
I think my experience is different then yours simply because I have had such a long history with Ketamine use/abuse. I think having this much experience with not being "in" the body, that when it happened naturally I was much more able to accept it. It reminded me of how I have felt hundreds of times before and it probably wasn't as jarring for me as I imagine it was for you. Maybe, maybe not....who knows.
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Originally posted by Katrine
What I was meaning was not whether or not you had had the experience of not being "mindfully" attached to anything with the awareness, but whether or not you had experienced having the awareness being "unbound" from the body. Whether you could (while in the Witness state) leave the body to automatically act on it's own, and venture off with the awareness....
Yes....sorry for being daft.....*lol*......the context differ here :-)
You're not daft, we both know this. The differing context was likely due to poorly stating my point more then anything.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
It is exactly the fact of being "unbound" from the body that is here.......without moving an inch. Unboundedness.....even though the attention (wonder if this is what you call "the mind's awareness"....attention is just a mind quality...not awareness)....attention can be on an object.....the unboundedness is still obvious....the attention is taking place within what I am....the attention is surrounded by space......
YES!! YES YES YES!!!! Exactly how I feel. And yeah, my use of the words "mind awareness" should be replaced with "attention". A much more accurate word to use, thank you. (Funny how I need grammar correction from you, a non-native-English speaker. Kinda sad actually Haha). Anyways, I can very much relate to having the attention still being active, yet being detached from that attention and observing it from a place of pure awareness. This must be why I can get "caught" experiencing only particular aspects of my exeperience at any given time, and not always perceiving the entire whole at all times. Thank you.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
I don't experience leaving the body to automatically act on it's own. What I experience is that the body is already acting on its own......the acting happens of itself.
Well, that is likely 'cause you are much further along in your journey then I am in mine. This "witness state" only happens to me during practices and even then not always.
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Originally posted by Katrine
So this is a fact... whether staying or leaving. Just like it does when sleeping...except that the so called "willfullness" during daytime is also not done by anyone. Nobody is actually doing anything....that is why this is so hard to explain. The only thing the "me"...or the identification with the attention......or with the lightbody (soul?)......is "doing"....is being "in the way" of this perceiving.....it is the identification with the "doing" .....
You speak with such depth and yet it flows as if it is nothing. I realize this is hard to talk about (words don't do justice) but you certainly do a pretty darn good job of it!! You are very right in that there is noone doing anything. If there is, it is the "I" getting in the way by identifying with the doing. Profound. Thank you again.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
just the very swimming along with it....be it with...or without the body....it is this "swimming along" that is taken to be "control". But it is not. It is illusion. It is the "swimming along" that is the "free will"....that choice to identify this way. That's all. All else is a result of this choice....but there is no "swimmer"....and no "chooser"......see? Paradox....upon paradox....but only if identified with "go figure"...*lol*....
I like this analogy. Because if we don't swim, we drown, so we take the swimming as us controlling the situation. But really there is no control as when we stop, so does life. And we don't have to swim for our destination, we can fight the current all the way....but eventually we will all end up in the ocean, either tired from fighting or liberated from letting go. Perfect. I love it.
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Originally posted by Katrine
I cannot leave my body at will like you....or rather...I can...but only through the crown...and I am told I am not prepared properly for that
I cannot leave my body at will unless I am in the witness state. And I can not "induce" the witness state. But once this "state" happens to me, I am able to leave the body to itself and it's motions, and I can just BE. It is in this BEing, that there are no boundaries.
Is it you who has told yourself that you are not properly prepared to leave the body through the crown or was it someone external?
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
But I have so far had no desire to leave the body to roam........there are enough objects to detach from in this dimension....not to speak of all the others :-)
Haha, so true.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
.....it is so easy to get attached here, see....am hopeless this way (what if I fall in love with an angel? )...*lol*...... However........this is not up for voting....whenever life finds it proper...there will be roaming within other dimensions. But it is as if the nothingness....it is already as if nothing compares to essence anyway......nothing compares to this peace...this love....but actually seeing....and actually interacting with beings in other dimensions...sounds a lot of ....awsome, sacred....FUN *lol*
You are right... There is no need to do astral travelling....there is plenty to work on here in this dimension. But FYI, I am not interested in Astral Travelling. I have done enough of that. Meeting non-human entities is confusing for me anyways. I have never been interested in communcation with spirits or angels or demons or whatever people call them these days.
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Originally posted by Katrine
Also....during the healings....the room is thick with love from other...beings. I don't see them.....but I perceive them (I call it..."the love thickens"....with other frequences...hues). The clients see them, though.....very often. So...other dimensions...are coming here....and all is well.
It sounds like you have a whole host of helpers with you Katrine....how wonderful. I would very much like to meet you and partake in one of these healings some day.
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Originally posted by Katrine
It is wonderful that you can travel like that Carson....amazing what you can see. I look forward to hearing of your travels one day :-)(who knows..maybe we'll meet *lol* on the highway..*lol*...you in a Porche..or Firebird.....and me in a rusty old Honda (my first car...when i lived in Austin....got attached to that one too...*lol*)
Hahaha....now I know you have never met me!!! I have never owned a decent vehicle in my life. You should picture me driving a Ford Festiva 'cause that is much more realistic then a Porsche! (I had a Festiva for many years ) I'm sure someday our paths will cross, in one dimension or another, haha.
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Originally posted by Katrine
Just remember that it is YOU....the seer of it...that is the peace.....If you see awareness as an object...be it light or anything.......then it is not you as essence. Know that.
I don't know if I agree with this. The time I was talking about, the time where I saw myself as a ball of pure white light, I am pretty sure that was the essence of my awareness. Of course I could be wrong, but I don't think so. This happened on an extremely high dose of Ketamine, and I had had some very different physical reactions then ever before. Usually as soon as the "K" vibrations are felt, and the "carrier wave" is heard, there is no more feeling in the body within a minute or two. But this time it was like there was a delayed physical reaction and only the spirit was affected at first. This left my eyes open during the first 5 minutes or so of the trip. This had never happened before and it never happened again. In this instance, as my "energy" left my body, I physically saw it leaving. (but at the same time I also saw the "body" perceiving the "essence"...it was like looking in the mirror kinda). I can not describe the split in awareness properly that happened during this 5 minutes, as I have never experienced anything like this before or since. But there was a moment or two when I was in two places at the same time. To me I would almost call this "bi-location" except that the two locations were the same if that makes any sense. And I WAS able to see my energy as it left, right before I was "snapped" into one single awareness. (this happened the instant my body hit the breaking point of anaesthetism.)
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
The Shine is simply clear, clear light that..."comes off" everything I look at. Including space. The shine lives..sometimes there are added qualities. It can be joyshine...it can be loveshine...it can be laughshine....or it is only just chrystalshine....it took a long time before perceiving that even this was not the essence.....I see it.....but I am it.....and that which I am....not a letter....not a syllable...much less a word...can be said about it. I understand it not at all.
Wow....Can honestly say I have never experienced "The Shine" when sober. It sounds pretty similar to some trips I have had on ayahausca, where light permeates everything, just in different concentrations, but I can't imagine living everyday life like this....Is it physically/emotionally/spiritually taxing being constantly bombarded with what I would consider "esoteric sight"? Do you wish you could turn it off ever?
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Carson....sorry for once again having not answered your question.....*lol*....
You don't need to answer my questions with answers. Answering my questions with questions is just as helpful...thank you.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
am hopeless....
Hopelessly AWESOME!!! Haha....have a great evening and thanks again Katrine!
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Apr 27 2009 5:01:22 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2009 : 5:00:57 PM
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Hi Miguel
Thank you too.......I always see it as....that it is the heart of the client that draws these beings :-)
I am very grateful...to be open like this......and being allowed to be near all these wonderful hearts  |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2009 : 5:39:44 PM
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Hi Carson
Am finding the pillow now...but just:
quote:
it is the "I" getting in the way by identifying with the doing.
Actually....noone gets in the way. The identifying with the doing...it is this that "is" the "i". If there is no identification....then there is no "i" either......funny isn't it...
That is why you were never able to find it see.....*lol*....there is noone.....*lol*......*i* is not real, see...it is just a word..*lol*..
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Everytime I go looking for that which is aware, all I come up with is my awareness. Which isn't located anywhere, which has no properites, which cannot be defined.
......LOL::::::
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This whole "awareness watching awareness" sends me into loops of confusion.
Yes.....*lol*.....since you assume...that you are the attention.....but you are not...you are before it :-).....so noone is confused....there is simply confusion....scatteredness of the presence :-)...of the intelligence....:-)
Night Carson |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2009 : 09:56:05 AM
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Hi Carson
quote:
think my experience is different then yours simply because I have had such a long history with Ketamine use/abuse. I think having this much experience with not being "in" the body, that when it happened naturally I was much more able to accept it. It reminded me of how I have felt hundreds of times before and it probably wasn't as jarring for me as I imagine it was for you. Maybe, maybe not....who knows.
Well...the thing is....that it wasn't jarring.....yes,it is completely different than anything ever imagined ......but very, very blissful.
See....I never experience it as not being "in" the body. I am in the body and at the same time the body is in what I am. But the difference between being fully identified with the thoughtbundle "i" and the bodysensation that go with it....the difference between this and being here as this very ordinary.... simple intimacy.......it is not like anything ever expected. It is so simple......
quote:
Carson said:
This whole "awareness watching awareness" sends me into loops of confusion.
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Katrine said:
Yes.....*lol*.....since you assume...that you are the attention.....but you are not...you are before it :-).....so noone is confused....there is simply confusion....scatteredness of the presence :-)...of the intelligence....:-)
Let me say this another way......when assuming oneself to be the thoughtbundle "i"........then....the attention will....because of interest...be "driven outward" ....attention will be on that which moves away from the depth of the moment......And there is so much of it!....it is what the ideaworld is...both this world and others...
When trying the "awareness watching awareness"....then something is made into a "task". As if attention is an "entity that watches"...and it is not. Not even Awareness is watching Awareness. Awareness is watching everything else. Itself...it just is. No looking. Only being. Tasting everything. This taste is sight.
Deep meditation is like dipping oneself in source/awareness. After meditation.....because of the bath in source.....the attention will naturally be less wandering....less interested in what moves. One way of taking advantage of this ....and nourish it further..... is to let the attention always go further into the moment whenever the possiblity is here. Attention can be on anything that is actually taking place (for so many of us it is on that which is not happening)...like sensing the fingers touching the keys.......sensing the breath in the body....sensing the pain in the knee......the wind on the cheek......the paper in the hand.....the beauty of nature...the twinkle in an eye......all these are also source.....because the NOW is where source is. So to pay attention to what is actually here is great.
To choose this....to always come back to the body/nature.....is a bridge....between the attention and awareness. Then attention "melts into the moment"....the moment itself "eats it".....and the being all over the place is dis-covered. Eventually one is naturally in the moment....not needing the bridge.....but enjoying it instead.
quote:
Is it you who has told yourself that you are not properly prepared to leave the body through the crown or was it someone external?
This was poorly stated on my part. What i mean is that...leaving through the crown is not necessary. When everything is already here...where would I go?....
It is simply a strong intuition here - thanks to all the writings in the AYP material...coupled with a wordless inner message......to be careful with attention on the crown....because then the surges would explode out of it....just like it did through the heart the other day. And I payed for that. It was not fun. The nervous system is not ready for explosions like that...that is what I ment. A lot is going out of...and coming in through the crown as it is. No need to explode
quote:
I would very much like to meet you and partake in one of these healings some day.
Yes...that would be great :-)
Of course we have already met.....here ....I am very grateful for all the inspiration.
quote:
Well, that is likely 'cause you are much further along in your journey then I am in mine.
Absolutely not. I am far from further along anything or anyone. I am no different than anyone else here. It is just that there is realization of this sameness. That's all. There is forgetting....and remembering.....and detouring...and yet....all of it is ok.....all of it is still happening within that which I am.
To neither swim, nor stop....... is choiceless flowing |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2009 : 10:43:22 AM
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Good afternoon(?) Katrine....Thank you for your post.....
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
think my experience is different then yours simply because I have had such a long history with Ketamine use/abuse. I think having this much experience with not being "in" the body, that when it happened naturally I was much more able to accept it. It reminded me of how I have felt hundreds of times before and it probably wasn't as jarring for me as I imagine it was for you. Maybe, maybe not....who knows.
Well...the thing is....that it wasn't jarring.....yes,it is completely different than anything ever imagined ......but very, very blissful.
I went back and re-read what you originally wrote and realized you wrote that the experience was "intimately alien", not "jarring". Sorry for making an assumption. I guess I was likely projecting how I felt the first time I took a high dose of Ketamine and hit the "K" hole. THAT was jarring. But also, blissful. So blissful in fact that the first time I did K I was psychologically hooked. As soon as the hour was up (that's how long a K trip lasts) and I wasn't high again, I injected another dose and tripped again I loved it so much. And then again after that trip was over. This was the day my love affair started with Ketamine. Thank God I have got to a point in my life where despite the fact that I can have these experiences without drugs, I am not attached to having them and am not searching for my next OBExperience. There is growth.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
See....I never experience it as not being "in" the body. I am in the body and at the same time the body is in what I am. But the difference between being fully identified with the thoughtbundle "i" and the bodysensation that go with it....the difference between this and being here as this very ordinary.... simple intimacy.......it is not like anything ever expected. It is so simple......
Hmmmmm.....I guess I can understand that....and I think this would be the/a line of demarcation between a Ketamine trip and the Witness state......on a K trip you can't identify with the body...you can't feel it....It might as well be someone else's body. In the Witness state I can still feel the body. Not acutely, but I can feel the bodies "energy" for lack of a better term. This isn't possible on Ketamine. Thanks for helping me clarify this in my own head.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Carson said:
This whole "awareness watching awareness" sends me into loops of confusion.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Katrine said:
Yes.....*lol*.....since you assume...that you are the attention.....but you are not...you are before it :-).....so noone is confused....there is simply confusion....scatteredness of the presence :-)...of the intelligence....:-)
Let me say this another way......when assuming oneself to be the thoughtbundle "i"........then....the attention will....because of interest...be "driven outward" ....attention will be on that which moves away from the depth of the moment......And there is so much of it!....it is what the ideaworld is...both this world and others...
When trying the "awareness watching awareness"....then something is made into a "task". As if attention is an "entity that watches"...and it is not. Not even Awareness is watching Awareness. Awareness is watching everything else. Itself...it just is. No looking. Only being. Tasting everything. This taste is sight.
When I was talking about "trying" the "Awareness Watching Awareness thing" I was specifically referring to a type of meditation called "AWA" or "Awareness Watching Awareness"....Here is a link to an explanation of how this is done: http://www.albigen.com/uarelove/awa...uctions.aspx
I understand what you are saying and I know the differences between the attention and the awareness, but "looking" for the awareness sends me into confusion loops. It's too simple, or it's too profound to be that simple or something. I can't put words to why this activity is so "mind boggling"....(hahahaha, just had a breakthrough due to my own words! Hahahahahahaha!!!! Mind boggling, THERE's the problem!!!! Hahahahahaha. Sorry to put you through all this mind crap!)
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Deep meditation is like dipping oneself in source/awareness. After meditation.....because of the bath in source.....the attention will naturally be less wandering....less interested in what moves. One way of taking advantage of this ....and nourish it further..... is to let the attention always go further into the moment whenever the possiblity is here. Attention can be on anything that is actually taking place (for so many of us it is on that which is not happening)...like sensing the fingers touching the keys.......sensing the breath in the body....sensing the pain in the knee......the wind on the cheek......the paper in the hand.....the beauty of nature...the twinkle in an eye......all these are also source.....because the NOW is where source is. So to pay attention to what is actually here is great.
Yes.....soaking up the essence now.....
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
To choose this....to always come back to the body/nature.....is a bridge....between the attention and awareness. Then attention "melts into the moment"....the moment itself "eats it".....and the being all over the place is dis-covered. Eventually one is naturally in the moment....not needing the bridge.....but enjoying it instead.
Sounds so EASY!!! Hahahaha......
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Is it you who has told yourself that you are not properly prepared to leave the body through the crown or was it someone external?
This was poorly stated on my part. What i mean is that...leaving through the crown is not necessary. When everything is already here...where would I go?....
It is simply a strong intuition here - thanks to all the writings in the AYP material...coupled with a wordless inner message......to be careful with attention on the crown....because then the surges would explode out of it....just like it did through the heart the other day. And I payed for that. It was not fun. The nervous system is not ready for explosions like that...that is what I ment. A lot is going out of...and coming in through the crown as it is. No need to explode
I see what you are saying now.....But in my experience, leaving the body through the crown like I have experienced does not require any attention to be placed there. This just happens of itself with no effort whatsoever.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
I would very much like to meet you and partake in one of these healings some day.
Yes...that would be great :-)
Of course we have already met.....here ....I am very grateful for all the inspiration.
YOU are grateful for the inspiration!?!?! Haha.... Imagine how I must feel then!! Hahaha
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Well, that is likely 'cause you are much further along in your journey then I am in mine.
Absolutely not. I am far from further along anything or anyone. I am no different than anyone else here. It is just that there is realization of this sameness. That's all. There is forgetting....and remembering.....and detouring...and yet....all of it is ok.....all of it is still happening within that which I am.
So humble
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
To neither swim, nor stop....... is choiceless flowing
You suggest floating? Thanks for everything Katrine...you are a wonderful inspiration as always. Much Love.
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Apr 28 2009 10:49:32 AM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2009 : 12:19:47 PM
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Hi Carson
quote:
Thank God I have got to a point in my life where despite the fact that I can have these experiences without drugs, I am not attached to having them and am not searching for my next OBExperience. There is growth.
Yes. There is immense growth.
And it is a miracle....it is so beautiful what grace makes possible once one's attitude and willpower is strongly turned towards what is sacred in life......I find it amazing what you have been through Carson.....It is very beautiful...the change in you  Thank you for always sharing so freely.....
quote:
I understand what you are saying and I know the differences between the attention and the awareness, but "looking" for the awareness sends me into confusion loops. It's too simple, or it's too profound to be that simple or something. I can't put words to why this activity is so "mind boggling"....(hahahaha, just had a breakthrough due to my own words! Hahahahahahaha!!!! Mind boggling, THERE's the problem!!!! Hahahahahaha. Sorry to put you through all this mind crap!)
Don't worry about that
Looking for awareness....implies that it is something "other than you" here......not like the question "who am I?"
It has no answer that question......it just has...direction. Inwards.
Of course...here too....one looks with an expectation of finding something......I don't know what the word "boggling" means.....but it sounds shattering *lol*.....
quote:
I understand what you are saying and I know the differences between the attention and the awareness
What happens if you let go of this knowing....
quote:
It's too simple, or it's too profound to be that simple or something. I can't put words to why this activity is so "mind boggling
Great
Have you considered that YOU are not confused at all?
Mind activity is confusion...mind can never be certain of anyting, see....very whimsical mind is.....but all along...you are that which is aware of the confusion. THAT is you. Completely wordless....imageless....
It is too simple for the mind to grasp. Because it is openness. And mind cannot grasp openness. It can only sink into it.....and be still.
quote:
Carson said:
Well, that is likely 'cause you are much further along in your journey then I am in mine.
Originally posted by Katrine:
Absolutely not. I am far from further along anything or anyone. I am no different than anyone else here. It is just that there is realization of this sameness. That's all. There is forgetting....and remembering.....and detouring...and yet....all of it is ok.....all of it is still happening within that which I am.
Carson said:
So humble
It is not humble....it is a fact. The fact is that we all struggle according to our own.....soil. Every step of the way....is equally challenging. Nobody is "further ahead" than anyone else. Our human nature is here all the time.....I'd much rather never forget this....and whatever happens that brings more light through....is never due to our "personal make-up"....it is always grace operating.
quote:
Is it physically/emotionally/spiritually taxing being constantly bombarded with what I would consider "esoteric sight"?
It is subtle, Carson. I do not feel bombarded. It has happened gradually and over time. One adapts to it. The Shine is not like a flood light....it is .....like an added aspect to everything....but it is subtle, so doesn't at all feel intrusive. It is gentle love.
You know.....and this has only been felt quite like this for the past year or so......what is physically/emotionally/spiritually taxing with all this.....is when the darkness comes to visit. See....everyting is felt so acutely....so when the darkness is here....it is like being....deprived of all meaning.....the chest is like an open, raw wound....the hollowness is terrible....(this is not like the longing....it is an actual breach)
This happens whenever there is ....what is perceived to be "rising in the frequency".....I have no better word for it...because I don't really know the workings of it. It is as if opening to the light also can hurt. In these transitional periods....there is unstableness. And what normally don't "enter" behind the light protection.....is here as a challenge to overcome. It is like an increased vulnerablity...on all levels. It is like this happens before there is greater perception. It has to do with purification also....so in overload...like the one I just went through....issues of separeteness can surface (this is also due to the contrast...and issues rising because of this...... of living by myself after having taken care of a family for 21 years.).....and doubt can come....and it takes all the strength there is...to not drown in it....to not give in to it.....to not "fill it" in non-true ways. ....and in those hours.....I feel the burden of being alone in this "spreading the truth endeavor" (this is just the mind's idea of it)......as if it is too much of a responsibility.....all weaknesses here are then magnified....and there is temporarily forgetting of the context. But even then....there is never "regretting of awakening"...thank God  And even then..the Shine is seen.....and there is still looking in the mirror and seeing that the body is not what I am. It is just that the sense of darkness is strong.
The sensitivity is already great...so during overload...it is even greater....so then.....then thoughts of being around a live guru can come....you know....to hop on a flight to India or something.....or fly through cyberspace and wake up Yogani from sound sleep *lol*. Luckily there is no money for that...India i mean.....so I stay home......and everything always resolves perfectly. Guru or not
Usually ....these challenging times does not last long. Hours....a day....2 at the most.....If I remember to pray for guidence.....there will be instant relief........but sometimes there is forgetting of this simple practise.....mostly because of the stubbornness here.....
quote:
Do you wish you could turn it off ever?
Not ever.
Not a single day passes by.....that I don't cry inside...or openly...for the gift of being alive like this.
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2009 : 12:38:55 PM
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quote:
Usually ....these challenging times does not last long. Hours....a day....2 at the most.....If I remember to pray for guidence.....there will be instant relief....
This loving generosity of....?What Is?.... that answers our prayers is humbling and touches the heart so deeply when recognized. So much gratitude rises in response. Thank you Katrine for writing about It. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2009 : 2:25:49 PM
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Namaste Katrine....
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Looking for awareness....implies that it is something "other than you" here......not like the question "who am I?"
It has no answer that question......it just has...direction. Inwards.
Of course...here too....one looks with an expectation of finding something......I don't know what the word "boggling" means.....but it sounds shattering *lol*.....
"Mind boggling" is an expression used to indicate something that sends the mind spinning off in confusion.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
quote:
I understand what you are saying and I know the differences between the attention and the awareness
What happens if you let go of this knowing....
I dissolve? I grow up?
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Originally posted by Katrine
Have you considered that YOU are not confused at all?
Mind activity is confusion...mind can never be certain of anyting, see....very whimsical mind is.....but all along...you are that which is aware of the confusion. THAT is you. Completely wordless....imageless....
No, I had not considered this...but I am now...
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
It is too simple for the mind to grasp. Because it is openness. And mind cannot grasp openness. It can only sink into it.....and be still.
Very fitting thank you. It's like trying to grasp "space".... you can put a fence up, you can build walls, but you can never really "hold onto" it.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
It is not humble....it is a fact. The fact is that we all struggle according to our own.....soil. Every step of the way....is equally challenging. Nobody is "further ahead" than anyone else. Our human nature is here all the time.....I'd much rather never forget this....and whatever happens that brings more light through....is never due to our "personal make-up"....it is always grace operating.
Yes, grace is what allows us to move forward.... You seem "steeped" in grace to me though.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
what is physically/emotionally/spiritually taxing with all this.....is when the darkness comes to visit. See....everyting is felt so acutely....so when the darkness is here....it is like being....deprived of all meaning.....the chest is like an open, raw wound....the hollowness is terrible....(this is not like the longing....it is an actual breach)
Yeah I know this feeling well. I think our ratios of darkness to "light" is probably inverse... I find it invigorating when the light comes to visit and spend most of my life in darkness. (just being honest Haha.)
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
This happens whenever there is ....what is perceived to be "rising in the frequency".....I have no better word for it...because I don't really know the workings of it. It is as if opening to the light also can hurt. In these transitional periods....there is unstableness. And what normally don't "enter" behind the light protection.....is here as a challenge to overcome. It is like an increased vulnerablity...on all levels. It is like this happens before there is greater perception. It has to do with purification also....so in overload...like the one I just went through....issues of separeteness can surface (this is also due to the contrast...and issues rising because of this...... of living by myself after having taken care of a family for 21 years.).....and doubt can come....and it takes all the strength there is...to not drown in it....to not give in to it.....to not "fill it" in non-true ways. ....and in those hours.....I feel the burden of being alone in this "spreading the truth endeavor" (this is just the mind's idea of it)......as if it is too much of a responsibility.....all weaknesses here are then magnified....and there is temporarily forgetting of the context. But even then....there is never "regretting of awakening"...thank God And even then..the Shine is seen.....and there is still looking in the mirror and seeing that the body is not what I am. It is just that the sense of darkness is strong.
This is exactly how I felt when in the process of dropping my marijuana addiction. Aboslutely unbearbly "vulnerable" on all levels. Looking for something to "fill it". Passing through these times always fills me with a great sense of relief as these are some of the hardest times I have had to face. Drowning in the vulnerability of existance.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
The sensitivity is already great...so during overload...it is even greater....so then.....then thoughts of being around a live guru can come....you know....to hop on a flight to India or something.....or fly through cyberspace and wake up Yogani from sound sleep *lol*. Luckily there is no money for that...India i mean.....so I stay home......and everything always resolves perfectly. Guru or not
I sometimes go through periods of sensitivity, but in general I think I am of average sensitivity. And I think if I showed up on a guru's ashram steps in India....man, I don't know what kinda reception I would get Haha...I can only imagine. Haha. A live guru to me sounds like a "pipe dream"....fantasy...something completely unattainable and not worth even entertaining the thought of. Just seems so absolutely impossible for someone like me to study under a live guru.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Usually ....these challenging times does not last long. Hours....a day....2 at the most.....If I remember to pray for guidence.....there will be instant relief........but sometimes there is forgetting of this simple practise.....mostly because of the stubbornness here.....
Yeah, I get into a "funk" every so often, and sometimes there is recognition of it, and the ability to see through it, but lots of times I am forgetful as well of my true nature, which is not, "funky", . I'm more groovy.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
quote:
Do you wish you could turn it off ever?
Not ever.
Not a single day passes by.....that I don't cry inside...or openly...for the gift of being alive like this.
Yes, I too thank God everyday for the opportunities I have been given....Thank you for taking the time to converse
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Apr 30 2009 11:08:56 AM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2009 : 6:11:15 PM
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Hi Anthem
quote:
This loving generosity of....?What Is?.... that answers our prayers is humbling and touches the heart so deeply when recognized. So much gratitude rises in response. Thank you Katrine for writing about It.
Yes....this featherly....gentle like that....vast.....father-like....loving essence......
I sat in the kitchen after the AYP meditation group left today......eating in silence.......looking at the painting of Jesus Christ praying to the light.......
Digesting why there had to be letting go of him......because it is his ways that speaks of essence It is compassion, love, wisdom....it is these that are the focal....emanations..... of now/silence.
It resolved another issue too.....it confirmed that loving another's essence can never be attachment. All love is well. All love is pure in and of itself. And love is not up for vote...."stay" or "stay not".... it is to be elected by.... It lives forever if left to captain the boat like that. It is the stories we tell of it ....the images we hold on to......it is these that binds. It is so easy to stay detatched when keeping a distance....like turning my face away from Jesus. It is much more challenging to put the hand on the face ...allow all the love....and be still with it.....but this is the only way it stays. In an open hand.....
After stopping the heart breathing (replaced it with 2 min of SBP).....letting go of the image of Jesus Christ....and gradually regaining balance..... as has happened so many times before.....when letting go of that which I love....it comes to stay by itself.
So he sits in my heart.....and brought the father-like essence with him...which is...like a ......something to forever be taken by....intimate love....like .....breathless breath....like a feather at rest.
It is like the times where had to let go of the shine in order for it to be permanently visible. Just like this.
So....when through challenges...there is "forgetting" of this fact.....then prayer brings it forth immediately. Like you say Andrew.....very humbling.....and very.....silencing...
And thank you for highlighting this
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DansInEveryWay
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 8:57:37 PM
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| this is the most beautiful thread. it makes me tingly to read it and soak in the words. |
Edited by - DansInEveryWay on Oct 07 2010 9:29:52 PM |
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BuddhiHermit
United Kingdom
84 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2010 : 06:35:34 AM
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Hello CarsonZi, Katrine,
Thank you for sharing your footprints into enlightenment.
If it's any comfort, this awareness is it. It deepens over time so much of what you have read will come of it's own accord as you relax into it.
Katrine explains it perfectly. So does Byron Katie, Krishnamurti .... many others.
Namaste |
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Different "Levels" of the Witness?
