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Christi
United Kingdom
4429 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 15 2008 : 05:02:09 AM
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Hi emc,
quote:
So no need to go further then. Everyone is happy with their own Truth. As usual.
I'm sorry to hear about your traumatized friends. Then I understand more of the tone in your posts.
I'm sorry if you thought my tone was harsh. I just don't want to see you end up the way many others have done who have gone down this path.
I also don't like to see homosexuals marginalized when it comes to tantric lovemaking. Especially not in this day and age.
It's not a question of one truth or another truth, I hope you can see that.
Christi
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Christi
United Kingdom
4429 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2008 : 08:15:58 AM
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Hi emc,
p.s. I think you'll find that we have far more to agree on than to disagree over when it comes to tantric lovemaking.
But you probably know that already. 
Christi
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2009 : 09:44:08 AM
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I just remembered that I forgot to update. Not that it is important, but just so that the physical side of it is correctly narrated:
quote:
The bleeding may come back - but it feels different this time......
After Amma.....I can't remember quiet when...sometime early December, the bleeding came back. It lasts half the time it used to (3 days as opposed to 7 before), and it only consists of fresh, thin blood. It came in January too, on time.
The energy loss before the period is different too. Earlier there would be a clear "fall" in clarity and energy the last 4-5 days before the period and 3 days into it. Now there is no fall in clarity - but there will be one day with a strong sense of emotional purification....something comes up and lasts for a bout a day.....but since the clarity is consistant....it is witnessed and then....when whatever it is that comes up is cleared.....there will be 3-4 days where the force of the surges diminish a little (but as soon as the bleeding starts the energy is back to normal levels), but where the silence does not diminish. Last time this happened....the crown was completely open for a few days......and the....."physical"....silence was so profound.....that there was lightness light as air. It was like the body was just a breath.....
I got up to go to bed one evening....and there was dizziness that was non located.....it was all over the place, and when lying in bed, it was like all of the "body" had thinned out and sprayed itself all over the room. Very airy.....
There was no fear....since there was identification with the presence and not the scenery......
And the longing......the longing is different too. It is seen that nothing of I is allowed to stay. No past can meet the Love.........it is all release....release...release.....it is to die in. That is all. And yet noone dies.....everything is always.
It is such a paradox
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2009 : 05:14:29 AM
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This is a response to Tadeas in the topic linked below:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=5080
quote:
so do we leave just because then we can come back? :)
Still wondering......
But.....something is seen: When going with "I".....when imparting reality to the feeling of "I".......it always happens because of desire for something other than reality. I may fool myself that this is not so.....but that's akin to saying the earth is flat. Being in the misconception that reality is reached "outside". The longing is for truth, but because of.... :-)...stubborness....arrogance.....selfishness (which is basically "to have an agenda").....the quenching of the desire is sought through substitutes. This always ends in pain here. Which is good....because again and again the futility of the leaving is shown.
And yet......it is also seen....that the dynamic of the longing......never stops. Although sometimes too much to bear....it is the longing that again and again deepens the intimacy with the Love that is Silence. And....here it is chrystal clear that were it not for Bhakti....this motion of for-the-time-being-quenching-of desires ....would go on all the time (and indeed did at some point). And yet...the longing will always be there as an undercurrent....since it is only truth that truly quenches the thirst.
It is certainly a paradox....but here it seems that it is the willingness to live as constant longing...or rather...constant "pull" towards that unfathomable, non-ending depth....and not fall (or actually....rise ) for the temptation to quench it...it is that in itself that quenches it....
It is....as if the longing inside.....that never seems to end but only deepens....it is as if this ceases to be painful only to the extent that this willingness is constant.
This is also so when still and at home in myself. Still there is further pull.....here too the temptation to fill it is present....this challenge never ends......there is always a demand for the willingness not to be....
quote:
It certainly keeps one on ones knees, doesn't it...
It is the only place to be...in constant total surrender.
Not even to ask for it.....since this too is leaving.
Very humbling it is......easy to see after a smack on the head....not so easy in a pleasant moment
The courage to stay open at all times........is the same as the surrender. Here is the only place I truly am.
So...Tadeas ...after these ramblings.....I wonder if it is so that we leave....in order to never leave again  ......?
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2009 : 4:41:32 PM
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Something happened today.....
A few days ago.....the longing increased again..... Everything started with an increase in the strength of the ecstatic surges....followed by the ache in the head.....and the longing increased....
So....I decreased meditation time, and increased walking. But it was not enough......
The crying came..........the chest full of ache. The ability to watch it now .......and not be overwhelmed by it.......is much greater. This is mostly due to the help of a friend of mine, whos energy always grounds me, opens the crown, and whos presence has taught me a lot about detachment.
Anyway.....the crying came and went....and silence filled everything...... like the softest snow falling a still winter night in the mountains I love so.......blanketing everything in white...
But the ache in the chest, and the pain in the head persisted.
Later I happened to read the exchange between YogaIsLife and Shanti here:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=5179
And when reading about the "heart breathing".....there was complete silence.....just reading about it did that
So - since then there is now heart breathing instead of Spinal Breathing Pranayama
Yoganis lesson on it is here:
http://www.aypsite.org/220.html
It is the first time I have tried this practise......the effect of it was immediate. It took away the ache in the head.....and gradually dissolved the......contraction...... felt to be in the chest. The second day I woke up feeling terrible.....a hollow, ancient darkness in the chest and in the room....so I reduced the heart breathing down to 5 min...and everything eventually balanced itself out.
The Ishta was the Shine......it is everywhere I look....so it is simple to breath it in through the Ajna and down to the heart, and incredibly soothing to breath out whatever it is that is releasing itself...no thoughts....just the streaming of breath.....
Tonight.....during the AYP group meditation.....the Shine was different....I kept breathing.....and it kept moulding itself into something that was almost tangible, but not quiet.....
After a few minutes of this......I surrendered and stopped trying to figure it out. Just seconds later......the Ishta had changed. In through the Ajna came Jesus Christ......and when he came to rest in the heart.....something gave way deep, deep inside.......talking about it feels almost like polluting it.....so......stopping here.....
Many, many years ago.....long before the longing......long before the cancer....I sat at the kitchen table alone......being broken inside because of a conflict with my ex husband (bless him).....and out of nowhere I called Jesus. I remember being totally surprised by it.....and by the intensity of the call......."if you are there....please come....if you don't come now, then I will not live any longer".......I had no idea I felt this way......I wasn't even religious at the time....
Shortly after this.......the meditations changed......and devotion came to be.
Since then.....Jesus has been here on and off....but I have never thought of him as my Ishta. And when the Shine came....then that was enough.......it is as if there was a need of Clarity more than anything.....the simple, imageless truth.....
But somehow......when it comes to the Heart space.....when it comes to what the silence really is.......it seems that the energy of Jesus Christ is crucial here now.
Oh.....I'm so daft sometimes..... .....in writing this.....it just clicked........that all this coincides with something else:
Yesterday....this hymn came. Usually...when the songs come.....they come when inspired by the Sanskrit words.....But yesterday...sitting in the sofa.....half of the the text of Ave Maria kept coming inside......eventually I had to look it up on the internet....I have sung it many times in choral works...but I needed to see the exact translation. So....after imbibing the meaning of
Ave Maria............Hail Mary
Gratia plena.........Full of Grace
Dominus tecum........The Lord is with thee
Benedicta tu.........Blessed art thou
Sancta Maria.........Holy Mary
Mater Dei............Mother of God
then the hymn came......in a matter of minutes it was finished. There was singing of it most of the evening yesterday. It sung itself inside afterwards....... last thing before going to sleep, and first thing waking up today......no thoughts about it at all....just the immense enjoying of it.....
So I finished tonights AYP meditation group with it (*laughing*...not even then linking it to Jesus Christ in the heart...)
There is still occational aching in head.....but one heart breath is enough to sink the energy into the chest....and here there seems to be infinite room for it
Am alert now.....so that the release from heart will not be too much.....5 min before meditation is plenty. And 2-3 single breaths during the day if the pain in the head comes back.
The heart breathing has also opened the Ajna further......it is almost a felt seeing from the forehead....as if the energy has been taken from the eyes .......to rest up here instead.....
Amen 
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2009 : 4:58:40 PM
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Wow.
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2009 : 5:03:45 PM
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| Good night Carson |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 04:52:52 AM
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Wow Katrine. thanks for that
Since emc recommended this website http://www.ashanamusic.com/all-is-forgiven.html,(click all is forgiven and then Ave Marie) I have found myself clicking the Ave Marie song on it, over and over for the past week - thanks emc
Then at the bottom of the website page it gives the meaning of the words in english and I discovered also that it was the words of the Hail Mary - which has been a mantra meditation for me since I was a small lad, through saying the rosary, both individually and as a family. I have such devotion to that prayer.
So last night on my way into our AYP meditation, which would have been around the time you were finishing yours, I started trying to sing the words of Ave Marie myself and was thinking I would love to be able to sing the song and fill the little chapel, where we have our meditation, with the sound of a deep baritone, not much chance of that, I'm afraid.
So perhaps when you come to Ireland for the 7th March "Satsang with Katrine", you could sing the Ave Marie for us
Your experience with Jesus reminds me of my favourite expression of Jesus - the Sacred Heart of Jesus. thanks for reminding me because I haven't thought of it for a while.
I wonder too, something I have had difficulty in understanding, if your longing in the heart would equate to the ring of thorns one sees surrounding the Sacred Heart of Jesus sometimes - does that fit your experience? |
Edited by - Sparkle on Feb 19 2009 04:57:30 AM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 04:56:27 AM
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You're welcome, Louis!
Wow, you guys seem to be very nicely connected over the ether! Such synchronicity is so beautiful! |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 2:59:06 PM
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Hi Louis
quote:
Since emc recommended this website http://www.ashanamusic.com/all-is-forgiven.html,(click all is forgiven and then Ave Marie) I have found myself clicking the Ave Marie song on it, over and over for the past week - thanks emc
Louis.....that was just beautiful.....
Thank you so much, emc!
It was beautiful to read how Ashana felt the singing of Ave Maria to be healing.......It is.
quote:
So last night on my way into our AYP meditation, which would have been around the time you were finishing yours, I started trying to sing the words of Ave Marie myself and was thinking I would love to be able to sing the song and fill the little chapel, where we have our meditation, with the sound of a deep baritone
That's amazing......we were actually in the same devotion at the same time..... A deep baritone......don't say you can't sing, we don't know these things........who knows what you can do if you really will it......
quote:
So perhaps when you come to Ireland for the 7th March "Satsang with Katrine", you could sing the Ave Marie for us
Yes........
quote:
Your experience with Jesus reminds me of my favourite expression of Jesus - the Sacred Heart of Jesus. thanks for reminding me because I haven't thought of it for a while.
That is very beautiful.....I had never heard of it before.....so had to google it.......thank you for that, Louis.
quote:
I wonder too, something I have had difficulty in understanding, if your longing in the heart would equate to the ring of thorns one sees surrounding the Sacred Heart of Jesus sometimes - does that fit your experience?
I cried when reading this......because I don't understand it either....and it is impossible to compare with the suffering of Jesus.....but yes......it does fit with what it is like.....
.......the feeling of the longing.....when it lets through more of the love at the same time as it is always this ripping....it is like being pierced.......the love hurts, yet it is also blissful......I don't understand it, Louis. I have pondered this much lately......and I wonder if it is connected to the way I feel regarding not wanting to just sit aloof looking at life. To be by myself in silence simply is not enough. What is the point of witnessing, feeling detached, what is the point of clarity......of higher vibrations....if there is no.....earthy communion? I want to consciously both be aloof and enmeshed (I am probably crazy...)....to feel all the way.....so that there is never forgetting of what it is like....to be trapped inside your own skin....so that no matter whom there is communion with....there will always be a touching point in the heart. I'd rather feel the pain and the love.....at the same time as witnessing.....rather than just standing aloof.
Not like I get to decide
I so easily get enmeshed anyway.....:-)
I remember....the feeling of being ripped open......after the cancer operation. Even though there were 30 stitches across the left ribs.....the feeling was.....as if the heart had been completely exposed....as if all protection was gone......as if the smallest impression would hurt.....when drinking cold liquids......it was immediately physically felt as a pain in the heart.....but this was also when the shine started to become visible......so the pain and the love has always been here simultaneously. Ever since that day in the forest...when 5......it is just the intensity of it that has increased. The intensity and the gentleness both.....I don't understand the workings of it.......but that is ok now.
Maybe it is the price we pay....for the ability to always expand.....for the opening to always open further?
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2009 : 5:23:45 PM
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So many spiritual aspirants say that all of creation is an illusion, and so it has no value. The only thing that has any importance is to return to God, and the only reason to be here is that everyone must be enlightened. I don't believe this.
I think our lives in this earthly illusion are an expression of divinity that is unique and fulfilling. I think this existence has value, just as we can enjoy a good movie even though we know it is not real. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 01:33:38 AM
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Yes, Ether, agree.
God loves the Creation and the purpose is somehow to enlighten the gross matter, not to escape from it. But in order to enlighten it, we must first find our way to Source, back home, so that we know our origin. Then that divinity may come back to make this world lighter and lighter, brighter and brighter, more and more shining! Consiousness being still is not difficult. That stillness in action is the trick! 
If consciousness is going to be able to know itself it has to go from passive BEING to active BECOMING... constantly becoming something new... and new... and new... The friction of the movement on the still screen is what makes experience. We are here to experience our Self, but not in ignorance (causes suffering), but consciously!
That's how I see it, anyway.
With the third eye we can go IN to the blackness, the nothingness. And with the third eye we can turn it around, letting That express itself in existence, thus... we are the Creative force of the Universe and are creating it with or mind constantly. When we become aware, we become even more creative. |
Edited by - emc on Feb 20 2009 02:20:02 AM |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 07:54:02 AM
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Thanks EMC, i agree. In fact, earthly reality being illusory is in itself an illusion. How can that be? Because what we are here for is to interact with other beings; other parts of the whole, and that interaction is real. All of the material things we move from one place to another may be illusion, but they are real tools to teach us interaction.
Anyone who is one with god can easily get along with the rest of god.
It is under the conditions of not feeling one with god that give us the richness of experience through a million "reasons" that cause conflict. Personally I like the conflict. The everyday struggle gives me a fulfilling purpose. If everyone was enlightened, there would be no reason to be here, but I AM here, so I like having a reason.
In the past i have often dreamed of being rich so life would be easy. But upon maturing I realize during the times when life is easy i don't feel fulfilled. The struggle IS my life. I don't know if this is true for anyone else.. . |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 3:15:14 PM
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Hi Katrine,
I had a pretty big dose of the longing this past week. Intense it was and with it there was recognition that this longing was in itself a movement or a contraction away from the here and now. I observed in my case, that it was energy related; a build-up in the heart chakra creating a veil which made contact with inner silence seem disconnected which ironically intensified the longing.
When the energy becomes out of balance for me this way, asking the universe (praying) for the energy to be rebalanced here brings the grace to correct it most times unless I am consciously aware of it being my own doing that got me that way (unbalanced) in the first place. In the latter case, the grace of the universe is to let me suffer so I can learn not to overdo the energy practices again in the future, this is an important lesson for me as I am often a stubborn learner here and apparently need to redo it again and again! Sometimes over doing energy practices etc. can lead to this excess energy build-up in the heart which leads to too much bhakti and hence the quiet unrelenting pain of the longing. Fortunately this too shall pass.
A
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 4:16:28 PM
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Hi Andrew
Thanks a lot for sharing
quote:
I observed in my case, that it was energy related; a build-up in the heart chakra creating a veil which made contact with inner silence seem disconnected which ironically intensified the longing.
Yes.....I have pondered this....because it is energy related here too. And earlier it was almost impossible to not identify with what you call the veil. Here it is not so much that I am careless or stubborn (plenty of stubbornness......just not so relevant here) regarding experimenting with energy. The ever ongoing opening (which is the same as purification) has its own dynamic regardless - and the periods where it intensifies simply come of themselves here.
quote:
When the energy becomes out of balance for me this way, asking the universe (praying) for the energy to be rebalanced here brings the grace to correct it most times
Yes - that is beautiful Andrew
I guess the Ave Maria and Jesus Christ was the version of that here.... It sure worked wonders ......and the heart breathing is great.
quote:
Sometimes over doing energy practices etc. can lead to this excess energy build-up in the heart which leads to too much bhakti and hence the quiet unrelenting pain of the longing. Fortunately this too shall pass.
Yes....
Here...it is the Bhakti that is almost always too much
And when everything is sacred....where to look away from it?
*laughing*......I'll ask the shine to please soon let me learn to dance Tango....*laughing*.......it will be grounding.....and be so much fun...
Do you experience the blissfull love ...and the piercing of the heart at the same time? |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2009 : 11:24:20 PM
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| Not sure what you mean by piercing of the heart? |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 06:44:46 AM
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Morning Andrew
quote:
Not sure what you mean by piercing of the heart?
When you step on a.....what do you call those things that you pin papers to the wall with.....when you step on a nail (?).....you pierce the sole of your foot.....
It is like that.......in the heart.
It is probably the level of sensitivity......it has always been high. For instance......if you were standing here and I would watch you accidentally hitting your head on something....or fall....or any kind of injury......be it physical or emotional.....I'd immediately feel a physical pain....like a wave going through the body. It comes in from above and leaves through the soles of the feet. It has always been like that.
After reading your post.....about the longing being a "leaving".....something simmered over the night.....waking up today not thinking anything in particular.....but during the heart breathing before the morning meditation......the seeing of the face of Jesus Christ (it is particularly the eyes.....they can bearly be looked at)....it fills the chest cavity......the release on the exhaling.....the piercing came.....the crying came.....so just sat with it until it was finished. While understanding nothing, Andrew.
Anyway....did 10 min of meditation....and then sang a song made a couple of weeks ago: "Yatova imani.....Bhutani jayante" ("That....from which these beings came into existence").....and another song made a few months ago: "Amaram ham....Madhuram ham....Om Namo Bhagavate.......Vasudevaya" (Immortal I am....Blissful I am....om — O my Lord; namah#803; — my respectful obeisances unto You; bhagavate — unto the Personality of Godhead; v#257;sudev#257;ya — unto Lord Kr#803;s#803;n#803;a, the son of Vasudeva.)......and then finished it with Ave Maria.
The singing allows a lot of devotion and is at the same time very grounding......so right now this replaces Samyama....because when doing Samyama when going through another heart opening....it immediately overloads.....energy gets stuck in the head. I have wondered whether cosmic samyama would be better.....but haven't tried it yet.....
Standing in the kitchen preparing breakfast.....singing a samba....you see....i am really crazy....when happy like that it must be expressed....so sung "Antonios samba".....dancing around all by myself...."and let the music flow.....like light....into the rainbow"....."we know the dance.....we still have a chance....to break these chains and flow....like light......into the rainbow".........*laughing*.....
Then sitting eating in silence by the candle....looking at the faces of Ramana Maharshi, Amma....and the mountain Arunachala......all of a sudden the face of Jesus Christ...the eyes...in the heart....filled the space. Nothing is in words......but the love from those eyes......allowed the surfacing of a deep sadness within. The only thing I can equate it to......was what it was like when I met my ex husband.... to rest in his arms after making love..... I cried then too.....there was a deep release of sadness then too......from the years of beatings and verbal abuse at home with my father (bless him).
The release from the heart now reminds me of this.....the sadness is familiar.....except that the magnitude of it is much greater.....and a lot deeper......it feels ancient.
And I can't help wondering...whether the piercing....has been a resistance to the surfacing of this deep sadness. I sat there....tears streaming.....very silent......until it finished itself.
This sadness......it is something very....crucial. The feeling is that....it must be allowed.....always. If aware of this.....it is not a problem. If unaware however......it will be resisted....and this is maybe the contraction....that again and again is pierced.
If it is like this....then no wonder there has been both blissful love and pain.
Now...sitting here writing....here is great peace. Everything is quiet....and the love in the heart is gentle.
...and the laughter is lose .......better finish this post.....*S*.....before it bubbles all over.......
PS
One strange synchronicity: I got a Stillpoint treatment....the day after the AYP meditation group ...the therapist works with vibrational essences and chrystals. The essences are chosen from Silence......without knowing anything. There are hundreds of essences to pick from.....the whole wall is filled with small bottles.....anyway.....the main three essences she picked for me was:
"Vibrational shift"
"The Christ light"
and.....(you'll like this Yogani ):
"Deep Meditation"
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2009 : 6:09:52 PM
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I love dance and most of my friends are dancers. A while ago I asked one to show me what the samba looks like. It was awesome! I was surprised and enjoying it. It looked at the same time like intense enjoyment of music and the beat, excess energy that was perfectly controlled, and then thrown away and given to the world.
It was like an expression of radiating lifeforce!
I wonder if antonio's samba refers to Antonio Carlos Jobim? He wrote the "one note samba". (it has a lot more than one note in it) |
Edited by - Etherfish on Feb 21 2009 7:33:16 PM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 07:05:43 AM
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Hi Katrine
One often sees that one of the criteria for happiness is, being fulfilled in one's life purpose, for that particular time.
You often speak of the need to give away what you have, your love, your peace, your stillness.
When we become "aware of suffering", whether it be a piercing pain in the heart or a gentle ache or the entering into a depressive state, we can ask the question "what need is not being fulfilled here"?
When Amma was asked why she never stopped what she does, she answered, she has no choice.
With her compassion and love, how could she sit at home and watch tv, for instance, she must be giving away all the time, it is her life. This is her need.
You have so much love and so much to give, it would not surprise me that this pain in the heart is born of the need to share and give away more of what you are.
When we are "aware of suffering within", we can also ask the question - what attachment is causing this pain? and engage in some self-inquiry.
This seems to be a dilemma because we can continuously go inwards and solve every ache and pain, but perhaps every time we go inward we also need a corresponding outward movement into the world. If engaging like this is inherent in our life purpose then we can only suffer further by restricting this movement.
From a personal perspective I am seeing this kind of thing more and more in myself. For me, I seem to have a gene that takes me into depression, so for me the awareness of suffering, in this respect, is the recognition of the early onset of depression, no matter how light it is. The earlier it is detected the better and the more easily it is dealt with.
So my gauge and guidance and my indicator of whether I am on course or riding the wave or however you see it, is the awareness of this onset of depression.
This requires me to "do" things in life to fulfill the needs in me that are not being met and resulting in the onset of depression. If I don't catch it in time it can enter into a foggy period for a few days before the mist starts to clear, and then the same old needs some back at me again and again and again.
So on the one hand we can be in stillness and on the other hand we can never be still, like they say, stillness in action or the action of non-action.
Hope this helps, it has helped me
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 09:06:04 AM
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Thanks Sparkle. There may be a parallel to physical pain in this.
I learned that when I have physical pain I can easily stop it by being fully aware of all the aspects of it (I won't elaborate but if anyone wants the technique, email me).
Then I broke my wrist once, and used that technique to kill the pain, not knowing it was broken.
Five months later I decided to go to a doctor! So then I realized I need to know when the body is telling me the pain is important.
And i found the answer:
It keeps returning. if I kill the pain and it keeps coming back, there is a bigger reason for it. |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 10:39:26 AM
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Hi Ether
quote:
It looked at the same time like intense enjoyment of music and the beat, excess energy that was perfectly controlled, and then thrown away and given to the world. It was like an expression of radiating lifeforce!
It's lovely, isn't it......It is such a paradox....that what looks like perfect control....really is the exact opposite.....it is a total release....a total letting go.....into that which then is free to become the expression of radiating lifeforce.....
quote:
I wonder if antonio's samba refers to Antonio Carlos Jobim?
I have no idea.....could be....
It is not the first time the Samba is .....near:-) Almost 9 years ago....in the musical 101 dalmations.....I did the Cruella DeVil part. And I had to learn to sing and dance samba (Cruellas Samba) at the same time......
And boy was Cruella angry!......It was such a katharsis....*laughing*.....all that anger spilling off for months and months.....and the joy of dancing.....it was so much fun. Demanding (lost 14 pounds) - but fun.
Didn't know I had it in me
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 11:57:45 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
[quoteIt's lovely, isn't it......It is such a paradox....that what looks like perfect control....really is the exact opposite.....it is a total release....a total letting go.....into that which then is free to become the expression of radiating lifeforce.....
What I meant by perfect control is each style of dance has a sort of personality or character. The energy must be thrown out while staying in character to be really good.
Like when you were Cruella. If you reverted to being Katrine the performance would lose the illusion and not be as good.
My dance troupe is working on a piece where I play a military commander. Our choreographer said "your character is more important than the dance!" I am the opposite of a military commander, so it is challenging.
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I wonder if antonio's samba refers to Antonio Carlos Jobim
I have no idea.....could be.... ?
Jobim is very close to samba roots, as he is big in Brazil where it originated.
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Demanding (lost 14 pounds) - but fun.
Didn't know I had it in me
Dance performance doesn't use your thinking brain. Dance teachers emphasize that. One guy I take classes from stops the class and says "You guys are thinking; I can feel it. Stop thinking!" |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 1:07:27 PM
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Hi Louis
Thank you for your deep understanding.
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One often sees that one of the criteria for happiness is, being fulfilled in one's life purpose, for that particular time.
Yes
Since the seeing of the literal unreality of "i" ......one of the implications of it.....is that.......the fulfillment is only total when the expression is completely free. Spontaneous. Just like in the dancing Ether observed.....
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You often speak of the need to give away what you have, your love, your peace, your stillness.
When we become "aware of suffering", whether it be a piercing pain in the heart or a gentle ache or the entering into a depressive state, we can ask the question "what need is not being fulfilled here"?
Yes....thank you for highlighting this......
Since yesterday........this has simmered........and this is what is seen: The love, the peace and the stillness....is not something that I have....or can give away....It is not mine for the taking, and neither is it mine for the distributing. It is only when the identification with the "i" is here that it seems so.
I can only be what I am. Only then does the flow happen here. And the piercing in the heart......the contraction....I have tormented myself with the thought that this must be a resistance to this fact. That the pain is here because I am not aligned with what I am. But yesterday....after the surfacing of the sadness.....it was seen that this is not true. (It is like Shanti said in the beginning of this topic....about the love of Ma) It is the belief in the judgement of what happens that is the non-alignement. Not the expression itself. When there is surfacing of judgement regarding this......I still buy it. I identify with the "i" then. And your question is beautiful...."what need is not being fulfilled here".....it seems that here it is always the same need that is not fulfilled:...The alignement to the moment....which is love.
And like you say...this is "being fulfilled in one's life purpose, for that particular time". It is the "being here now" and therefore enjoying the love of that......
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When Amma was asked why she never stopped what she does, she answered, she has no choice.
With her compassion and love, how could she sit at home and watch tv, for instance, she must be giving away all the time, it is her life. This is her need.
Yes.....I have pondered this....because....it seems that what it all boils down to.....is the one single need that we all are an expression of: The need to be one with the flow of Life. Once synchronized to the flow...the need is gone......then we are what we are and there are not two. It is just like the sun.....it doesn't shine because it needs to......it shines because it is its nature to do so. So Amma.....that radiant love essence....she is just like the sun.......she can't help herself.....she is so aligned that there really is no other choice.
And....the opening that happens continuously.....in facing the new direction that life takes here...the giving of Satsangs.....the releases...the letting go of attachments.....all of it is the same thing.....It is challenging....so it triggers all these patterns within. And this is exactly what needs to happen. Simply because it does. Your post clarifies a lot here, Louis. I am very grateful
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You have so much love and so much to give, it would not surprise me that this pain in the heart is born of the need to share and give away more of what you are.
Yes. It is just the stubborness here that seemingly gets in the way of this unfolding.
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When we are "aware of suffering within", we can also ask the question - what attachment is causing this pain? and engage in some self-inquiry.
Yes, definitely. Sometimes here......I have noticed that the self-inquiry can be motivated by the need to get rid of the pain. This might work for a while. But the most freeing self-inquiry is not a pain killer. This time.....with the piercing.....there was more interest in the truth behind it. And the universe supplies truth.....always.
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This seems to be a dilemma because we can continuously go inwards and solve every ache and pain, but perhaps every time we go inward we also need a corresponding outward movement into the world. If engaging like this is inherent in our life purpose then we can only suffer further by restricting this movement.
This resonates a lot here, Louis. It is not primarily about solving the ache and pain. It is about consciously letting go of all agendas - including the agenda to stop any agenda. So that the "corresponding outward movement into the world" that you speak of....has a chance to happen. It is not so much that I understand the sadness. Not at all in fact. As long as there is an openness......a non-resistance......then the opening itself will process the sadness. No understanding is needed. Only the direct experience of it.....awareness touches and dissolves. It is this that is the non-doing of truth. And from here....the flow outwards is balanced and in tune.
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From a personal perspective I am seeing this kind of thing more and more in myself. For me, I seem to have a gene that takes me into depression, so for me the awareness of suffering, in this respect, is the recognition of the early onset of depression, no matter how light it is. The earlier it is detected the better and the more easily it is dealt with.
So my gauge and guidance and my indicator of whether I am on course or riding the wave or however you see it, is the awareness of this onset of depression.
This requires me to "do" things in life to fulfill the needs in me that are not being met and resulting in the onset of depression. If I don't catch it in time it can enter into a foggy period for a few days before the mist starts to clear, and then the same old needs some back at me again and again and again.
Thanks for sharing this
Yes.....this is perhaps a lesson to take here. To be alert to the onset of the longing...no matter how faint it is. If...right then there can be a loving act towards myself.....whatever it might be....to serve others...or make a cup of hot chocolate......let's see what will come of it....
Many things are opening up here now. I spent the week-end at a friends house.....and she had 4 therapists there as guests. One of them....came with an interesting suggestion. They are expanding their center......getting a new hall.....that will include teaching of Yoga (asanas). The two Yoga teachers are from Europe. Anyway....they might be interested in me giving meditation sessions and Satsangs there. This place...is about a 20 min walk from where I live....along my favorite path...the river walk
And the stillpoint therapist that I saw this week.......she might be interested in having me coming to give meditation classes at her new school. This is also great.
Who knows.....maybe I'll end up working - and living - all over the place *laughing*
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This requires me to "do" things in life to fulfill the needs in me that are not being met and resulting in the onset of depression. If I don't catch it in time it can enter into a foggy period for a few days before the mist starts to clear, and then the same old needs some back at me again and again and again.
Yes......can't run from them....can we. From what I feel reading your post, one thing is chrystal clear:
I cannot linger any longer. I will not continue to resist the fact that there is sometimes resistance to what I am. If the need is...to just let go all the time.....then compromising with this....in different ways.......is not very wise, is it
So better let life fulfill itself
(This includes the Tango )
Louis - thank you for being such a wise friend
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 1:15:27 PM
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Hi Ether
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The energy must be thrown out while staying in character to be really good.
Like when you were Cruella. If you reverted to being Katrine the performance would lose the illusion and not be as good.
My dance troupe is working on a piece where I play a military commander. Our choreographer said "your character is more important than the dance!" I am the opposite of a military commander, so it is challenging.
That must be challenging, Ether. I'd love to see you on stage
Yes - I see what you mean regarding the character. What I found was that the most fun started happening...when the character was so much under the skin...that the control could be let go of......at least to some extent. Cruella was spontaneous then- within the character - without my "doing it".
Or "thinking it" ....as your choreographer would say |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2009 : 4:00:35 PM
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Yes; to become your character! I'm not there yet.
About the pain of the longing: I think it is possible to live through that pain; welcoming it as if it was a vaccination to take you to the next level. When you resist pain it persists. If you welcome it because you know what it is connected to, it can be a doorway to a different perception.
As the snake injects its venom into you, you become one with the snake.
As Jesus is nailed to the cross, it is the end of his suffering. |
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The Longing
