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Yogajan
USA
49 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 31 2008 : 2:18:56 PM
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Since I've started the AYP practices for the most part my overload symptoms have vastly improved. My heat is mostly gone. It seems though I have had periodic surges of anger in response, about once a week, to things that don't warrant this amount of upset. I get very hot for a few moments like the anger is leaving my body like steam, almost a cellular anger being released. I don't act out my anger but it is a bit disconcerting although it feels like some deep purification going on. I have had some unexpected situations in my life in the past few weeks that no doubt factor in - a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with a very serious kind of cancer and my sister had another DUI. As far as practices go, I'm doing 5 minutes of spinal pranayama and 15-20 minutes of deep meditation. Any experiences like this or practice suggestions? Oh yea, and I am following a pitta-pacifying diet and walking daily.
Thanks, Jan |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jul 31 2008 : 10:15:39 PM
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Hi Jan,
Thank you for sharing. Sorry about the difficult situations you are going through. My prayers are with you and your friend.
Regarding anger, it does sound like purification, and although your practice does not seem like very loaded, it may help to self pace a bit.. maybe just 10 min meditation? Just till this phase passes.
Anger is a very powerful emotion and most people try and suppress it. If however, you do have the opportunity to be alone during one of these anger flashes, try and feel the anger to it's fullest.. don't suppress it in any way. Feel it, but very important.. don't make a story of it. So, while you feel the anger, just feel the pure energy of the feeling, but don't let your mind attach stories like I am angry, I am angry because life in unfair, my sister is irresponsible, my friend should not have to suffer like this, my sister should not drink and drive, she should care about herself and others who love her.. etc.. etc.. etc. (OK, maybe you don't have any of these thoughts, they are just suggestions, so you get the idea the kind of stories the mind makes). Feel the energy to its fullest with every cell in your body and along with that take the anger and offer it to your ishta, to the universe, the truth, god, a friend, someone close to you.. whoever/whatever you can feel a connection with. Let the anger die off on it's own. It will. It may come back.. like a wave.. do the same again till it subsides.. and again if it comes back. Don't bring it up with thoughts.. let it come up on its own. After awhile you will feel the intensity going down, till you wont feel it any more. This will help you get over this purification faster and to it's fullest.
I hope this helps. Hope you get over this purification soon. Wish you all the best. |
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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2008 : 02:44:31 AM
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Indeed, great advice Shanti.
I always liked the saying that went something along "the mind can't lead the heart, though the heart can lead the mind". I've heard it said a lot more beautifully haha, I forgot how they worded it... excuse my lack of poetry heh.
I find EVERY situation that I feel anxious and that I willingly go inside and feel the emotion fully, it always leads to love on some level. I mean, I'll still struggle, at times, my ego will bring back the story, and some of the nervous or angry energy might remain, but that's life I guess... haha.
I did this like a week ago with the man I hate most in the world. I was surprised, when at least for a moment, I went into the hate, and basically "poof" it was gone, and what remained was just... this moment haha :). What a crazy thing that cycle of karma, it's like us humans were meant to walk around in the dark... in circles haha, always ending up right where we started. The big circle of life. What a wild ride though ;).
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Yogajan
USA
49 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2008 : 08:03:45 AM
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Thanks Shanti and Divineis,
I did do just what you said Shanti last night. Had a huge wave of anger last night, deep from my core so it seemed and I let myself feel it fully. I was at home and let my body get into it as well, stomping, etc. It felt primal. Part of the story I had to take care not to get into more than stories about my sister is judgment at myself for feeling so angry. After my primal meltdown, I read some of Yogani's book on Bhakti and Karma Yoga about talking to my ishta about it. I was talking saying how much i'm not wanting to feel so responsible for other people and realized how I've somehow taken on the role of wanting to play God for these people and started laughing at the irony of talking to God about playing God and how difficult a time I have surrendering. (maybe the humor is lost in the translation but it made me laugh and i'm feeling like a wave has now left & my body is more relaxed). I cut down to 2 minutes of spinal pranayama and 10 of meditation to see how that goes. Shanti, were you suggesting cutting out the spinal pranayama altogether until this passes? Thanks again for your suggestions, Jan |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2008 : 09:05:32 AM
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Hi all,
quote:
If however, you do have the opportunity to be alone during one of these anger flashes, try and feel the anger to it's fullest.. don't suppress it in any way. Feel it, but very important.. don't make a story of it. So, while you feel the anger, just feel the pure energy of the feeling, but don't let your mind attach stories like I am angry, I am angry because life in unfair, my sister is irresponsible, my friend should not have to suffer like this, my sister should not drink and drive, she should care about herself and others who love her.. etc.. etc.. etc.
I really liked your suggestion Shanti and I am glad it seemed to help Jan. It is funny how I have been wondering about this things myself. I find that as I keep meditating things gradually become clearer though. I still have the same surges of anger or anxiety but somehow (slowly, very slowly and gradually) I am able to distance myself from it more and more and see them in a new light, from a new perspective as it were. I have been anxious lately and, if in the past this wave of anxiety would just get a grip on me and just take me all over the place, I now start having the possibility of remaining calm and more detached from it and, as a pleaseat aftermath, can see more clearly why I am feeling anxious, what the triggers actually are. As a result I feel more in control and centered and not shaken so much by the emotion. Of course, this isn't easy  (easily said...) but it is possible and noticeable. Just to give you my results 
One a similar note I have very recently subtly changed my meditation method with some pleaseant results. I have been meditating for almost 3 months now. Recently I re-read yogani's lesson 15 about physical disconfort during meditation. I decided to follow his advice fully in that, if it is distracting to continue the mantra, then just be with the emotion/physical disconfort/thought for a while until it subsides. I find that, if you have a bit of inner silence within, this has a pleseant effect. I do the 'i am' mantra for a while (sometimes 1 or 2 repetitions are enough) and I fall a bit deeper and there these sensations start to happen (can be a physical sensation, oscillating slightly or thoughts). I found that these sensations actually are like begging for attention so if I gently put my attention there for a bit during meditation they kind of dissolve slowly. Is as if I was moving consciousness to where it was needed and it was kind of soothing the 'bruise' (or obstruction or somehting). Then, as I feel confortable enough again, I easily go back to the mantra and repeat the process. I find this more natural for me then just forcing myself to repeat 'i am' but then again I just started with this so I want to give it a bit more time to see how it goes. I found a similar experience form another AYP forum member here: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=4022 |
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Yogajan
USA
49 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2008 : 10:48:33 AM
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| Thanks YoaisLife for your share and for the previous post. A good reminder for me about self-pacing and intuitively trusting what feels right. I have been less apt to do the "I AM" meditation for the full time as it feels more right to be still and allow I AM to come periodically on its own as I felt a little stressed and preoccupied by repeating it -- felt too willful. One of the most helpful practices for me right now seems to be long walks in the woods. I passed someone today and said hi and there was no response and then noticed all the leaves on the trees were saying hello to me through the breeze. |
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YogaIsLife
641 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2008 : 11:43:33 AM
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:)
That is very beautiful.
I heard long walks are good for kundalini so maybe that's what you need! Keep walking! |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2008 : 09:38:15 AM
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Wonderful experience Jan and YogaIsLife. And I agree with Divineis, you can actually do this with any feelings, emotions that come up. Feel them to the fullest, but don't attach any story to it.. this includes being sad, angry, happy etc. Feel the energy of the emotion, but don't attach any stories from past or present or future to it. I have talked a bit more about this inMind Filters.... Once you get good at seeing how the mind spins stories and slowly drags you into its drama, you can actually watch it and laugh at it. It then becomes a movie playing on the screen and you really don't have much to do with it.. because you are the screen.
The other thing that helped me a lot was Something to try... Once you get the stories, if you can take it with you to the gap, the silence, you will actually feel the entire thing just dissolve much quicker. You will come to a point, where you feel empty inside and nothing can stick, and even when they do, it is for a much shorter time.
You need a bit of inner silence to "get" the second practice, and even if the second one is hard to do, identifying mind filters/stories help a lot. When the ego story is exposed, it has no more power, it is something you can laugh at, and then it will never have the hold on you it did when you believed in the story. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2008 : 1:17:55 PM
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PS:
quote:
Originally posted by Yogajan
I cut down to 2 minutes of spinal pranayama and 10 of meditation to see how that goes. Shanti, were you suggesting cutting out the spinal pranayama altogether until this passes? Thanks again for your suggestions, Jan
Jan, I was just suggesting cutting down on meditation time only, not spinal breathing. But you are doing the right thing by cutting down on both. When you feel the anger sessions have subsided you can move your practice back to it's original times. Sorry for the confusion. |
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mahabaratara
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2008 : 6:29:18 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Wonderful experience Jan and YogaIsLife. And I agree with Divineis, you can actually do this with any feelings, emotions that come up. Feel them to the fullest, but don't attach any story to it.. this includes being sad, angry, happy etc. Feel the energy of the emotion, but don't attach any stories from past or present or future to it. I have talked a bit more about this inMind Filters.... Once you get good at seeing how the mind spins stories and slowly drags you into its drama, you can actually watch it and laugh at it. It then becomes a movie playing on the screen and you really don't have much to do with it.. because you are the screen.
The other thing that helped me a lot was Something to try... Once you get the stories, if you can take it with you to the gap, the silence, you will actually feel the entire thing just dissolve much quicker. You will come to a point, where you feel empty inside and nothing can stick, and even when they do, it is for a much shorter time.
You need a bit of inner silence to "get" the second practice, and even if the second one is hard to do, identifying mind filters/stories help a lot. When the ego story is exposed, it has no more power, it is something you can laugh at, and then it will never have the hold on you it did when you believed in the story.
I wish I had gotten advice like that years ago...
Funnily enough its kind of what I do now...
I could tell you some stories...
Thank You Maha |
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anger surges and suggestions
