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emc
2072 Posts |
 Posted - May 24 2008 : 5:50:59 PM
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Had a wonderful meditation which revealed some more glimpses of wisdom.
During the latest week(s) there has been a lot of coarse and gross information that has reached my mind. The media has been indulging in messy criminal histories, at work people have continued to discuss them (for example the incest case in Austria)... I have been trying to refrain from taking in more sh*t. All my life I have been digging in the darkness and foul, stinking corners of the world. During my life my mind has been filled with all there is to know about sexual, physical and mental abuse of whatever kind; torture methods; violent crimes of all sorts; all sorts of humiliation and suffering happening in wars, pornography and prostitution; female genital mutilation; maltreatment of animals in general, the animal industry in particular etc etc etc... There's no end to all info on how pain is created on this earth that have been packed into my poor brain! I decided a couple of years ago to just STOP taking things in, but it sips in anyway...
But it's like I've been carrying this burden all my life, being AWARE of all that pain that most people shut out immediately and don't want to know about in the depths, only be horrified by as entertainment. I've been extremely aware of all that for many, many years.
Today, in meditation... there was this old gospel coming to me. (Ooo, the slaves who sang those must have been such beautiful souls and wide open!!!) It was in the background. I felt anger coming and I started to think about trash whores for some reason and their situation, and I got so tired, soooo tired, and did what I usually do with obnoxious thoughts in meditation: invited them to join the meditation. Saying no to them makes them scream louder - saying yes to them dissolves them. But this time... more and more came... and I invited them all... all those heavy thoughts... and I sat there... with my burden... and didn't know what to do with it... and I was angry... and I hated God that was such a pervert to create this life as a horror movie. Illusion, sure, but why a horror movie? So I just shoveled it over to him and said: Take it back! You created it, just take back what belongs to you!
*crying like a baby writing*
And it did... It took it back. The light just took it and this gospel was sung in the background...
I'm gonna lay down my burden
Down by the riverside
down by the riverside
down by the riverside
I'm gonna lay down my burden
Down by the riverside
I aint gonna study war no more
aint gonna study war no more....
I'm goin' to lay down my sword and shield...
I'm going to put on my traveling shoes...
I'm going to put on my long white robe...
I'm going to put on my starry crown...
And as I cried, as I do now when writing, I went into a child pose (physically), a total regression, and my arms (with automatic movements) held me like a baby... and I realized what it means to go innocent again like a baby... but with wisdom... This Osho zen tarot card - Innocence - came to my mind:
"The innocence that comes from a deep experience from life is childlike, but not childish. Children's innocence is wonderful, but ignorant. It will be replaced by mistrust and doubt when the child grows and learns that the world may be a dangerous and threatning place. The innocence coming from a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the constantly changing wonders of life. Zen says, if you let go of all knowledge - and that means everything, your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given you by others - if you let go of all that which has been given to you by others, your being will get a totally different quality: innocence. It will be a crucifixion of your persona, your personality and your innocence will arise anew. You will be a child again, reborn."
Imagine a child looking at the atom bomb in Hiroshima, not getting what it is... and then just experiencing immense pain! And then imagine being just as open and innocent but seeing clearly what it is about and letting that pain go through your whole being... and still be untouched, and yet so very, very deeply touched... in the moment... but then... when it's over, it's over. As if there never was a bomb, no injury, no nothing... and there's this new and fresh moment, untouched by any misery of the past...
Then there is no more creation of any burden anymore. It is laid down forever. It is getting lighter and lighter... this is truly a journey of enlightenment. |
Edited by - emc on May 26 2008 1:49:24 PM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 04:46:04 AM
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Beautiful post emc, thanks |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 07:28:49 AM
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Thanks for sharing that, emc
This is exactly how it is.......
Neither to suppress nor to escape nor to indulge.
When all of the attention is on what is - no matter what - then no future is manufactured.....and all moments are fresh.....
Unburdened..... |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 09:33:50 AM
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Thanks for response!
There was this really burning heat in my whole head area when the light came and cleared the place! Cleaning the house, huh? Phew! Yep!
The LET GO of thoughts and feelings is much easier now. The stillness just takes it all. |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 12:13:22 PM
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It's funny....because for quite some time now.......in order to bear what I witness in myself, everytime I feel I can't face it, I can...if I pray for the Shine to take it. Here is anger - please take it! Here is greed - please take it! Here is selfishness - please take it!
The Shine can only take it if I acknowledge it first. So it can't be given away as an escape. And the facing of it has to be honest and true in order to see what is there in the first place. I have to really want it.....to truly want to see things as they are.....and then refrain from judging.
It involves pain....but this too is to be faced. And when faced...pain does not last.
I am so happy you discovered this for yourself, emc |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 1:46:38 PM
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Thank you, Katrine. It's this deep, deep sense of closing the circle when it happens. It's like... it's like... the feelings or thoughts go back to where they came from, like a direct surrender of all parties at the same time. I surrender to the feeling, The Stillness surrenders to the fact I have now seen it as it is and Life has got no point in keeping the feeling in form, so it dissolves into The Nothingness... And there's like this relaxation, knowing there's nothing else to do, but to keep surrendering, let go, let go, let go... and there's this beauty when it happens and a joy is there from the receiving. Thoughts and feelings are given back as gifts... As if life had just waited and waited to get it back again. Very strange to explain, but it's all that at the same time in one instant.
And so true, it can't be given away as an escape! It has to be fully accepted and surrendered to first.
Thank you for your wonderful feed-back, Katrine! |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2008 : 1:25:04 PM
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reading this has taken me to a more positive place, if only for a moment, but a moment none the less
thank you for sharing, it will leave an impriint in my mind, the words are a blessing
Neil |
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Innocence
