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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 02 2008 :  11:59:54 AM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Ever since the buzzing of my hands started.....and went on for those seven days and nights back in 1997; ever since being told by three different healers I "accidentally" ran into (different occations) to "join the healer association" (I never did); ever since the mysterious healings started occurring at the clinic I used to run; ever since then – I have wondered and pondered this concept:

Healing.

At one point it was very tempting to do what they all told me (including patients). To make a living...as a healer.... out of healing people. It is not that I didn’t want to help – of all my heart I wanted that; but I couldn’t - just couldn’t – overlook the fact that I knew I wasn’t healing anybody. I had no idea how the healings worked. I knew nothing. In the beginning I used my hands; but I soon came to see that just speaking to people was enough. They healed. (At the time I also confused the healings with the homeopathic remedies I was giving....I never knew which was which...so after a while I stopped the remedies. The healings continued. Though I never called myself a healer and I never advertised as one. ) Then something else occurred (when I started hosting meditation courses) – I discovered that I didn’t necessarily have to say anything either. In a one to one consultation people would lie down or sit – we would stay silent....getting ready for a guided meditation (I would start by guiding them downwards in themselves....almost like a countdown)....and sometimes the most surprising things would occur. As in the women who had contractions in their extremities (spontaneous contractions) ...and heard inner voices...or inner music. It scared me more than it scared them (I didn't hear anything). They would say things like: "Don’t be afraid, Katrine.....this is amazing....this has never happened to me before.....but this is fantastic..... everything feels so right. Everything is beautiful...don't be afraid". The contractions would stop once we finished the session. But the women were profoundly changed. Not only did the physical symptoms disappear.....but something else happened to them: They became peaceful. Harmonious. They jubilantly reported this on the phone later on (I didn’t know what to think).....or I would hear it from other patients who had been told of their healings. It always made me quiver inside....of joy. But I didn't understand it. Also – the healings affected me too. I became healthier.

Anyway...this "thing"...this concept of healing...blastered its boarders. It became too big for me. I knew I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing.....and this was....not good. It is an immense responsibility to touch other peoples life like that. I needed to know what was going on.

Also – these questions kept nagging me: Who says that the symptoms and tragedies that people go through; all the misfortunes, sadness, grief and struggles; who says that this is a big fault of the universe? How can I know that what is taking place is "wrong" ? And even more crucial; who am I to "fix" them? At the time I was aware of the fact that ....it was a certain kind of people that came to see me. They were....open to something else (they had tried everything else that didn’t work). I knew back then also, that they were not with me because of some coincidence. But still – who was I to decide what was right or wrong in their life? I had my own imbalances.....who was I to know about their life, when my life had its own problems? This inner.....conflict, was basically what eventually led me to close the clinic.

Since then, I have been in a sort of solitary science class.....I have continued watching myself....and I have continued pondering the healing issue. Along the way, I came to see clearly the imbalance in my own life. Gradually.....things changed. Gradually..... I stopped resisiting (I am very stubborn) ...gradually the fear subsided.....and the needed changes could occur.

And now.....I am coming together. In order to heal, one must oneself be whole. Since it is never any partiality that "does" the healing. Healing cannot be done. It simply takes place. One can be a conduit for it.....a channel for the healing force.....but always as its servant; never as its....boss. If i am the boss.....then the outcome is not ...lasting. It can still be powerful.....but maybe not so transforming. Since it will not make people permanently independant.

And I have come to see that the only permanent healing is that of the heart. When symptoms occur......if these very symptoms will lead you to the opening of your heart – then nothing is wrong. Nothing needs fixing then. On the other hand; if you for some reason or other cannot progress through the symptoms; then the help of another (whos hart is open...and whos force is clean and strong and harmonious) will help you to grow. But not through the removal of the symptoms only. Something else must happen also (or else the healing won’t last): Your heart must be touched by it. As such – one touch can be enough for a very long time. The effect of it can last for a long time; if you listen and let yourself be transformed by it.

So. Today I have a completely ordinary job. I live alone (my children stay with me 3-4 days a week) in a small apartment. Some afternoons I sing ......and some evenings in concerts with other singers. Sometimes I write poems. And that’s it. This is what I "do" right now. But somehow......I keep running into people and situations (at work or anywhere) that......pulls my heart into a healing mode. It is not necessarily what I say......but it is always about being present. And this presence is always an open heart. It is an Awake inside. Then the joy can flow towards whomever I am encountering. It can happen in the street too.....I will pass someone......and in a flash I "see" the goodness in them; they will look at me.....and then light up with a smile. I always feel like crying when it happens. It may seem a small thing......but it is not! This old, crooked, arhtritis ridden woman I passed in the street......our eyes met....I sensed her goodness.....and I couldn’t help smiling. And when her face.. lit up.....she looked.....as if she was 20 years old and knew she was beautiful. No small thing, that!

Something Christi (thank you, Christi) wrote in another topic here recently (I don’t remember where? Something about "healing from the heart") triggered this post. I remember feeling the stir inside......and the wondering what this "heart healing".....what kind of "action" this actually is.....

And now....I may understand that in my case....it is simply the acknowledgement of the love in them. The shine in them. In all. And if this is healing, then by God, this is what I want to "do" with the rest of my life. It is not up to me how this will come about. But it will come about – of this I am certain. I know this, because whenever I pray for someone these days......whenever I ask the shine to help them see themselves.....it always happens. The phone may ring minutes later to tell me of it. Or I will get a mail telling me of it. Or my heart will smile because it knows it will happen. I never ask for specific ways. Only for the right way for them; what ever that might be. As for myself....I pray for the possibility of always being in the healing mode. I pray that I will continue to melt....that I will stop resisting...even the biggest or smallest thing, that i will accept it as just as valid as anything else. So that the shine may be visible to all.

And this is why I am certain that eventually.....the being and the doing in me will one day permanently blend into one.
Because.....it seems that...

As you become love, your prayers are answered.

No wonder there have to be so much purification. Your prayers are answered!
As such.... I have asked for not less than everything (I always had a big mouth).

And now I will have to bear.

emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Mar 02 2008 :  1:54:12 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Katrine, it's a wonderful post.

(Edit: I first put in and later took out a question to Katrine of how she handles great pain. I had just had an outburst of pain when I had seen a film about mulesing in Australia.)

Edited by - emc on Mar 03 2008 12:18:14 AM
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 02 2008 :  2:42:59 PM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
I don't...emc
I don't cope with it.

That is why i say that now i will have to bear. I cry too.
The sorrow of such actions......the pain.....the mere knowledge of all the cruelty that is taking place this instant...

The only way I know of is to let all of it.....and i mean all of it...pass through me unhindered. I resist not. Only then am I not identified with the pain. It doesn't mean i don't feel it. I do...to the very bone. My heart is always breaking. But see....my screaming helps neither sheep nor man. If I say NO - to what has already taken place......then how will love reach those sheep? Those men? It is myself I am rejecting...

So I accept it. But i never - EVER - forget that I can make a difference. That I am responsible. We eat their meat. We dress in their wool. How can we not be responsible?

We ARE. One single awake love will ALWAYS make a difference. Not tomorrow. NOW.

Work for the diminishing of suffering......like you already do. Continue, emc. In a thousand ways you are already helping. Just keep at it. Don't lose heart......if you were not touched by their suffering....that would be far worse.

Much love to you

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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 02 2008 :  2:44:57 PM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
We posted at the same time....
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Sparkle

Ireland
1457 Posts

Posted - Mar 02 2008 :  3:46:47 PM  Show Profile  Visit Sparkle's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you for your beautiful posts Katrine, it's so brilliant that you have clarity on how you want to work.
I also find your love very healing, your expression and the energy in your posts
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Lookatmynavelnow

52 Posts

Posted - Mar 02 2008 :  6:12:42 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine

Ever since the buzzing of my hands started.....


It always made me quiver inside....of joy. But I didn't understand it. Also – the healings affected me too. I became healthier.

But still – who was I to decide what was right or wrong in their life? I had my own imbalances.....who was I to know about their life, when my life had its own problems? This inner.....conflict, was basically what eventually led me to close the clinic.


And I have come to see that the only permanent healing is that of the heart.
I keep running into people and situations (at work or anywhere) that......pulls my heart into a healing mode. It is not necessarily what I say......but it is always about being present. And this presence is always an open heart. It is an Awake inside.





It looks like you do have a gift. The choice is to use it or lose it.

If you do have the ability to influence people in that remarkable positive way, then probably you do have an obligation to make use of it. You understand the importance of a pure vessel and a pure intent for the process to be acceptable, but on the other hand if heaven should have to wait until you are perfect before working through you, then nothing would happened in a long, long time, right? Don’t loose the opportunity to do good in life.

It might not only be the folks you are healing that benefits from this. You might check your ego when these potentially ego-boosting spiritual manifestations occur by reflecting over the possibility that this might be your opportunity to meet and heal all you former enemies that you have tortured and killed in former lives. Who knows? The thought will keep you humble, though.

Beautiful post!
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david_obsidian

USA
2602 Posts

Posted - Mar 02 2008 :  11:30:42 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Katrine, good luck to you on your endeavors.

I think you're probably right that the homeopathy wasn't doing the healing, that it was your own gift in talking to those patients.

LookAtMyNavelNow brings up a legitimate yogic concern: that this business is potentially tremendously 'ego-boosting' in not a great way. So promise us to be careful about that.

Many would say you need to be clear that it is 'God' who does the healing and that this would protect you. I would be a bit contrarian and suggest that that could even make matters worse. We all seem to be doomed to run away with thinking we are special and we can easily, maybe even more easily, believe we are special while thinking God is acting through us. Real humility is not what people think it is. Real humility does not feel holy at all. The enemy called 'ego' (narcissism) acts subtly through our very self-perceptions which are biased (often in ways that are as subtle as they are profound) towards exaggerating our strengths or importance. It acts as much through the nature of our findings as through our feelings and doings. So 'Ego' is as much perceptual and cognitive as it is emotional, and so is humility. Emotional-only solutions can be doomed to failure. That point is often missed. Maybe most of the great 'masters' of India missed it, including especially the great yogic missionaries who brought yoga to the west last century. You won't get good example of not making this mistake from many well-known yogis. Practically speaking, I would say the important thing is to just recognize this as a real gift, but not get an inflated image of it. Therein is the challenge. Any tendancy to make a big deal of the thing is your enemy. Love your gift, yes, be passionate about it, yes. But don't make a big deal of it. Be realistic about it and its limits, and have a grounded relationship to it.

If you are able to find work that you really love passionately, then, in that you have one of the best gifts anyone could have. That's true regardless of what your work is.

Best wishes again!
-D

Edited by - david_obsidian on Mar 04 2008 8:51:26 PM
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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Mar 03 2008 :  12:25:06 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you for the answer, Katrine. (I edited my post with an explanation so yours wont look so weird.)

I tried to just let it pass through as you say. It made it possible to go to sleep, but I woke up with the mind showing all the pictures again... Jeez... Now my mind has found a perfect way to catch me again. That's why I try to aviod the news. It feels like I can't handle more knowledge of pain in my brain... I don't wanna know. But I guess you don't get enlightened if you wanna run away...

Can you feel the immense joy and love SIMULTANEOUSLY with the pain? Is the joy and peace there all the time, or does the pain take over and then when it's through, the joy is back???
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 03 2008 :  12:34:43 AM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you Sparkle, lookatmynavelnow and David.

Yes.
I am aware of the implications.
When I say that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life; i don't mean that now i will open a "practise" as a healer. On the contrary. I will stay where I am. I will continue in my job as long as it is needed. But my intention will always be to heal. Knowing full well that I will never know how to do it....but now i know why: It is not a method. It is always spontanious. I can live with this now. If there are people.....and situations..... in need out there; if the shine permits it; then I will encounter them. Anywhere. Anytime. That's all.

I don't want the credit. It is not even tempting. I know the feverishness of ego trips. I have been there many, many times. It is not in the least attractive. It is the heartache of losing oneself. I can't bear to let that happen again.

Thank you for bringing this up. It is a crucial issue.
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 03 2008 :  02:21:45 AM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Emc wrote:

quote:
But I guess you don't get enlightened if you wanna run away...


Nor run towards....
The mind is very impressionable. What comes my way is one thing; what I seek is another. I am careful with what I purposly....expose my mind to.

quote:
Can you feel the immense joy and love SIMULTANEOUSLY with the pain? Is the joy and peace there all the time, or does the pain take over and then when it's through, the joy is back???


It is not like my heart is breaking with the sight of something.....and that I at the same time sing with joy. But the spaciousness is always here. The silence is always here. In the foreground. That is why i say the pain passes through. It is possible to be loving while you feel the pain.

See?

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emc

2072 Posts

Posted - Mar 03 2008 :  09:23:44 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Yes, I see! Thank you. Great to have your descriptions as a reference. It helps me a lot! Both on dealing with healing and pain...

I am also very careful with what I purposly expose my mind to! Thank you for that way of expressing it!

It sounds wonderful that your dharma seems to be healing. Lucky people who may have the opportunity to heal in your presence.
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scottfitzgerald

USA
65 Posts

Posted - Mar 03 2008 :  12:01:53 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thanks so much for sharing...my ego gets jealous when I hear of healing. A deep part of me has always wanted to be able to DO that, however I haven't figured out if all of me IS that. Make sense?


The mind is very impressionable. What comes my way is one thing; what I seek is another. I am careful with what I purposly....expose my mind to.

The ego is tricky. I have found it to be a shapeshifter, and sometimes it is no more than a filter of my perception, just a slight coloring of the glasses so to speak, so if I'm not careful, I see what it wants me to see, and of course I react accordingly.

I have found many healers who are enticed to enter that world in order to repair their own house first...and when it's in order, there is no need to further the work. Not in all cases assuredly, however in many.

Like anything else in the spiritual world, I believe we are given the clues we need at the right time. Whether we can correctly answer "Mr. Mustard in the Billiard Room with the Candlestick," immediately, is another game altogether.

Glad you are here.

Big love

Scott




Edited by - scottfitzgerald on Mar 03 2008 12:08:06 PM
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 03 2008 :  5:32:04 PM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you Scott, emc and all

Listen - there is something I have to clarify here........sorry if I have been unclear:

What I have been trying to tell you is not that "I am a healer....this is what I do". It is not like that. I am not a healer.....this is not about taking the concept of healing, and somehow "fitting myself" into that.

What I am saying is this: My intention.....is to heal. See? There is a huge difference between the two......
The first is closed....the second is forever open. From now on.....my focus is single. This is why I am so joyful about it! It is not that now I know how to work...or what I will do. It is simply that now I know my purpose:

I am here to continuously heal.

This includes Katrine and everyone else. And it is limitless. There are infinite ways in which awareness of wholeness will induce greater perception of wholeness in another. Because....I am not talking about fixing what is "sick". I am talking about enjoying....loving.....adoring... what is always whole.

The full capasity of the heart is ......that it is always heal-thy.

Let me see if I can put in yet another way:

What I love most of all is to inspire.
What happens most of all when I truly meet another human being....is that they become inspired (Katrine becomes inspired too). In such a way that the joy of it.....the nurturing that happens.....changes our outlook. And the beauty of it....is the fact that our attention is not focused on me. It is instead attracted to the joy that is in every heart.....it is our own hearts that open! It is not me we remember....it is the joy! And this is so beautiful....because this is what eventually will make us totally independant. In order to be a light unto ourselves.

So. This is healing.....as I see it. It is the sun coming out from under the sky.....and the shine engenders hope and joy in man. And through this...."I am" is finally taken into acount.....even by such stubborn people as myself.

We finally turn towards the loving mystery....with all our hearts.
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Balance

USA
967 Posts

Posted - Mar 03 2008 :  5:37:28 PM  Show Profile  Visit Balance's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
That is so wonderful and beautiful Katrine!

Thank you for sharing this with us
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Anthem

1608 Posts

Posted - Mar 04 2008 :  12:16:01 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
As you become love, your prayers are answered.

No wonder there have to be so much purification. Your prayers are answered!
As such.... I have asked for not less than everything (I always had a big mouth).

Hi Katrine,

I have noticed this and it is surprising for me and it makes me very careful what I pray for. I pray for others, how can I not when I know their suffering and when they are trying to help themselves? How could something like that go unanswered? I pray from my heart, out of love and I let it go. Funny to see myself write that (I pray now) as I have only in the last year or 2 started praying as I always had associated it in the past with religion. It's very interesting how twice daily practices changes us in so many ways!

For me, rather than the word "heal" I use the word "help". I want to help others and try to as I am moved in my heart to do so. There is nothing more fulfilling in so many ways. The word "heal" for me may happen or may not, but I know I can't control nor want to attach to a change in another person, so I leave it as an intent to help and whatever happens, happens. When I move from my heart and I act out of love, I trust that their highest good will be served even if it is not apparent to me what that may be.

I feel that in love we are one with the flow of life (inner silence/ God/ the shine in your words, etc.) so it is not so surprising that our prayers are to know the intent of inner silence itself, to be one with that and to have the wonderful gift to be a part of this and witness it.
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Sparkle

Ireland
1457 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2008 :  06:59:07 AM  Show Profile  Visit Sparkle's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Katrine said:
And now....I may understand that in my case....it is simply the acknowledgement of the love in them. The shine in them. In all. And if this is healing, then by God, this is what I want to "do" with the rest of my life.

I get a sense that your shift is bringing you back to where you were before, with the homeopathy practice and meditation, or that kind of thing.
It's funny how the word "healer" stirs so many reactions in some. You could disguise the fact that you are a healer and healing through the heart, by calling yourself a homeopath or a voice coach or anything that comes to mind - except "healer".

It is like getting into the politics of spirituality and trying to compromise in order to appease the people you want to appeal to.

Is this acceptable if you want to stay true to the "shine" to the love in all, or is it actually necessary in order to operate in the world of duality, the world of time and ego?
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Anthem

1608 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2008 :  11:38:22 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by Sparkle


It's funny how the word "healer" stirs so many reactions in some. You could disguise the fact that you are a healer and healing through the heart, by calling yourself a homeopath or a voice coach or anything that comes to mind - except "healer".

It is like getting into the politics of spirituality and trying to compromise in order to appease the people you want to appeal to.

Is this acceptable if you want to stay true to the "shine" to the love in all, or is it actually necessary in order to operate in the world of duality, the world of time and ego?


Hi Louis,

For me personally there is nothing wrong with the word "healer" nor of course, is there anything wrong with being a healer, healing of any kind etc. You can call yourself whatever you want or people can call you whatever they want, it is the intent that matters.

From a spiritual perspective to take ourselves out of the equation of ego and karma, our actions need to be open-ended and not dependent on an outcome. For me personally, though perhaps not for others, wanting to heal could be dependent on the outcome of someone being healed. For an action to be open-ended, wanting to heal is where it ends, if someone is healed or not is out of our hands.

Katrine has figured this out of course and although I hadn't read her last post when I posted my first, she states it beautifully here:
quote:
What I am saying is this: My intention.....is to heal. See? There is a huge difference between the two......
The first is closed....the second is forever open. From now on.....my focus is single. This is why I am so joyful about it! It is not that now I know how to work...or what I will do. It is simply that now I know my purpose:


You may not have been questioning this in any way, I just wanted to clarify in case I added any confusion.


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Sparkle

Ireland
1457 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2008 :  12:30:21 PM  Show Profile  Visit Sparkle's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What I am saying is this: My intention.....is to heal. See? There is a huge difference between the two......
The first is closed....the second is forever open. From now on.....my focus is single. This is why I am so joyful about it! It is not that now I know how to work...or what I will do. It is simply that now I know my purpose:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You may not have been questioning this in any way, I just wanted to clarify in case I added any confusion.

Thanks for the clarification Andrew.No I wasn't questioning this in any, all I was saying really is that it's ok to be like this and call yourself a healer. It is putting the label healer on yourself, but if that's where you see yourself then it's maybe what it should be.

I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 05 2008 :  2:36:48 PM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Anthem and Sparkle

Thank you so much for your perspectives.
You know.....it all condenses down to our definition of what it means "to heal". I have no intention of "curing" anybody. That would again be the "closed" version. The version with a set outcome. The version that says "something is wrong, and now I will fix it". The version that focuses on the symptoms.......often to the exclusion of the cause. (Obviously not always - don't get me wrong, there are many wonderful true healers out there)

To totally heal...on the other hand....is the continuous flow of the moment. It sounds (and may look) like a verb.....but it is actually the very essence of being. It is living and dying at the very same spot. To heal is simply (as Yogani would put it) "stillness in action". It is the wholeness moving. Thanks to the principle of entrainment (resonance) - wholeness vibrates....resonates....with wholeness everywhere. It is not at all busy with symptoms. It only sings of the goodness.

This song......is what I intend to continue listening to....so that entrainment can happen. I intend to continuously heal. How - is not up to me.

First we are faced with the smaller issues....then gradually the larger ones will confront us.

I will continue to receive guidence on how and when to move. I will be stirred. Tickled. I already do. It is only a question of magnitude.

I honestly don't know what will come.....how life will continue to change. I am not going to make plans. I am only going to listen. And sing. And listen and sing. I don't need a name for this song. The singing is enough.

The joy I feel......it has to do with the fact that I now understand that I don't have to intellectually know anything about Yoga in order to impact.....to induce a greater "coming together" in another human being. It is enough that I am it.

It sounds so simple......
Only - it has to be allowed afresh every instant. It demans a single focus. It demands all of me.


No small endeavour...... that.....
It shuts my mouth.....the very implication of it.






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Sparkle

Ireland
1457 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2008 :  11:50:46 AM  Show Profile  Visit Sparkle's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thanks Katrine for another beautiful post.
quote:
The joy I feel......it has to do with the fact that I now understand that I don't have to intellectually know anything about Yoga in order to impact.....to induce a greater "coming together" in another human being. It is enough that I am it.

It sounds so simple......
Only - it has to be allowed afresh every instant. It demans a single focus. It demands all of me.

Can I ask if you still maintain a practice discipline to sustain this or develop it further?
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2008 :  1:47:34 PM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Can I ask if you still maintain a practice discipline to sustain this or develop it further?


I never miss practise, Sparkle. Never.

If I am for some reason (it doesn't happen often) not able to withdraw twice a day, then I simply do it where I am. I meditate anywhere.....standing if I have to.

My practise is very, very simple though. It has to be, since the surge through the body is so strong. I do two breaths of Pranayama (the pathway is already "lit/buzzing "....so it is just a.... confirmation of root to brow), and then the mantra. Depending on how close I am to ....."passing out"......I will sitt for min. 5 min and max. 15 min. Then the resting for a few minutes. And that's it.

Outside practise....I fall into silence spontaniously. The instant i am not very mentally occupied it happens....whether i sit or stand or walk or whatever. I finally managed to "look past" the ecstacy. Or rather.....to stay open....instead of focusing on it. I am always "on"....so this was quite an obstacle until I finally saw the connection between my infatuation and the ecstacy. The infatuation then stopped.

As for the body......I feel both very, very healthy.....and very, very fragile. The surge is.......it is doing something with the body....the lungs especially. My lung capasity is great; every thing is fine that way (I used to be a flutist)......but there is an increased sensitivity. So that when fear hits....the contraction is felt very strongly in the lungs. I don't know.....it sounds paradoxical......that such a fragility could be strong. But that's how I would put it. I am very fragile, but I am also very strong. But I am alert to the fact that I need to be very mindful as to taking good care of the body.

You know.....I do not practise to "sustain" or "develop".....
I practise....because I love to. Of all my heart. It is not the ecstacy. It is the treasure ....the gem.....the immense mystery. It is the sacredness of it all. And the sacredness lingers after practise. I realize that the work I go to every day right now....it is keeping the melting at a steady pace. Had I not had this balance right now......had I been able to stay with the shine all day.....well, the body is still not ready for that.

The shine says I must give the body full chance to adapt.

It is not a problem.....because i feel as if everywhere i go....I am in a church. The world is one, vast church.

And everything.....everyday....is a holy-day. All days are Sundays (It is funny; because I was born on a Sunday )

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VIL

USA
586 Posts

Posted - Mar 06 2008 :  5:04:45 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hey, Katrine, you are just full of love, that's who you are and there's no rhyme or reason to it. How can we add love to love? No matter what you do, your wisdom of continuing practice and following your bhakti will lead you in the right direction it always does even when we don't know how it works. It's realizing the essential support as the heart in all of us and we do what we're capable of so that we can bring truth to light. Sometimes it's hidden beneathe a lot of other stuff, it's what's behind the equation... But that true essential support knows this, but it's kind of a confirmation at times. It's good to do this, although it's not necessary.

With love:



VIL

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Christi

United Kingdom
4513 Posts

Posted - Mar 12 2008 :  10:16:05 AM  Show Profile  Visit Christi's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Katrine

quote:
But somehow......I keep running into people and situations (at work or anywhere) that......pulls my heart into a healing mode. It is not necessarily what I say......but it is always about being present. And this presence is always an open heart. It is an Awake inside. Then the joy can flow towards whomever I am encountering. It can happen in the street too.....I will pass someone......and in a flash I "see" the goodness in them; they will look at me.....and then light up with a smile. I always feel like crying when it happens. It may seem a small thing......but it is not!


Yes! That's what I meant by healing from the heart. It is my life now, more and more. Everything else is kind of like "details" around that one thing, the "awakeness", in myself and another, that underlies and surounds all movement.

I remember Yogani writing that at a certain stage we realize that our state of mind is the state of mind of everyone around us. So our enlightenment calls us to serve all others as ourself.

Maybe you are being called.

Christi
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 12 2008 :  4:26:11 PM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Christi

Yes....
I see. Thank you.

And yes...I am being called. From everywhere these days....
This week I sing Verdis Requiem.....

I just got home from the dress rehersal......filled with beauty from the music...the voices....the orchestra...the lyrics

Tha last frase still lingers.....

Libera me!.....Libera me........li...be....ra....me
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yogibear

409 Posts

Posted - Mar 13 2008 :  08:14:05 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Katrine,

I don’t know how much of this applies to you or if it will be of any use to you, but your thread made me think of it so I thought I would post it for your perusal.

From the book, Yoga and Destiny by Haich and Yesudian:

"As long as an individual has not become completely impersonal, he cannot be objective, he will always judge things subjectively and his viewpoints will always be selfish. Only when a person has become impersonal can he become selfless in the truest sense of the word.

Let us take an example. Suppose we see a lame beggar. We feel pity for him. If we could perform magic--which, let me repeat, merely means utilizing natural forces of which the people around us are generally ignorant--we would immediately lay our hand upon the beggar and heal him. Our intention is based on our love for others, and so we imagine we have acted selflessly.

We would certainly be greatly surprised if as a reward for this magic deed there should be a reaction that would cause us to suffer for the rest of our life. For it is quite conceivable that this lame beggar, once healed, might make ill use of his recovered physical powers, that with his healthy limbs he might now rob and kill. Let us not forget that the beggar's paralysis was a result of his karma! His uncomfortable condition makes it possible for him to gather certain experience, to learn certain things, to develop spiritually, to discover what he must not do in order to avoid being struck by the same fate in the future.

Thru our healing him prematurely, we have taken from him the possibility of gaining this experience and opened up new possibilities for him to sin and fall back into wrong doing. Our act of healing him gave us a pleasant, happy feeling because we judged the matter from our own standpoint. We did not see into the beggar's heart. We did not see the beast dwelling within him. We did not see that it would be better for him to remain lame than to fall into wrong doing. We believed the lame beggar to be like ourself, thinking that once healed, he would live a life like ours.

Our basic mistake was to consider the beggar's paralysis from our own standpoint instead of from his. Had we been able to see the matter with complete objectivity and to know what was really good for the beggar, we would have recognized that he actually needs a temporary restriction on his freedom of movement. We would have seen clearly that, if prematurely healed, he would commit worse crimes than those which led to his condition of paralysis. Our unselfish intentions were quite useless! As long as we see things only from our own standpoint, we will always sin!

Let me emphasize that what I am saying here refers to healing thru magic. Medical science is developing parallel to the progress of the world, and the application of its discoveries thus corresponds to divine law. But let us never forget that the progress of science also demands its martyrs. Nature is merciless and blind. Nature pays no heed to intentions alone, however good they may be, and she will continue to punish a bungler, who is reaching out in search of unknown natural laws, until he has learnt these laws thoroughly. On the other hand, it is just as much a fact that a person who has not yet mastered the lesson he must learn thru a physical disorder or disability cannot be healed by medical science either.

Christ was able to heal the paralyzed with spiritual powers, that is by magic, because he saw who had learned his lesson, whose time was up, whose sins had been forgiven. And let us not forget that of all the many sick people at Bethesda, he said to only one: 'Arise and go....'

Certainly Jesus would just as gladly have healed the others, but he saw that their time had not yet come, that from their own spiritual standpoint they still needed to do penance and so he let them go on being sick. Let us take heart from this example. Whenever anything troubles us, we can always find our first consolation in remembering that it will go on troubling us until we have learned our lesson from it . So let us always try to find the lessons hidden within our sufferings, instead of ranting ignorantly at our fate. We can be certain that as soon as we have found the answer and learned our lesson, the time will be at hand for our suffering to end.

People of good-will who do not yet possess psychic sight should rejoice and be glad that they cannot yet perform high magic. They would merely do harm to their relatives, their friends and all others who turned to them in their need. In carrying out their will by means of magic, they would liberate them from their material needs, heal the dying, restore to the bereaved lover the object of their love, cause employees who have been passed over at promotion time to be named to executive positions, and so rob all the these people of their opportunity to overcome their sins, to become pure, and to develop."

Best, yb.

Edited by - yogibear on Mar 14 2008 08:50:43 AM
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Katrine

Norway
1813 Posts

Posted - Mar 13 2008 :  10:11:55 AM  Show Profile  Visit Katrine's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you so much Yogibear.

A lot of validation in your post....
It certainly underlines the fact that I will never know what to do....
And that there is a crucial difference between a heart-pull and a head-pull.

It also .....reminds me.....of the joy I feel because I am finally allowed to enjoy the relaxed state of being.

Much love to you.

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