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almond_veined
2 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 06:00:26 AM
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I've never had an organized practice, instead opting to throw myself blindly into energy work. In retrospect, this was idiotic.
This past week has been a spiritual roller coaster ride. It started while I was laying in bed planning to work on lucid dreaming. As I was settling into a deeper meditative state I started to pass the time by feeling out for blockages, primarily along my spine.
For some reason, I've always had a strong root chakra and I've never had a problem raising arcs of sensation along my lower spine that make orgasms feel like chaste kisses in comparison. This night I easily sensed blockages along my spinal cord and removed them with ease all the way to the top of my head. Not knowing what to do with this enormous surge of energy, I stupidly connected it with my crown thinking that this was the logical place for it to go. Eventually I willed it to settle and went back to my lucid dreaming work. A few minutes afterward I felt a huge vortex of energy in my solar plexus. It settled down and intrigued I allowed it to happen again. This time I allowed it to work its course and to my eternal surprise I found myself inches away from my bedroom ceiling. I had an unexpected and brief out of body experience, the first of my "career," and drifted back to my body.
The next three days were largely uneventful. I reflected on the experiences but didn't dwell on them and didn't engage in as much meditative practice as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary happened until Tuesday afternoon when my heart started racing as soon as I laid down to take a nap. After a few minutes it felt as if my head was going to explode, as if I was going to die from a stroke. I've been to the emergency room three times in the past two days, sure that there was something seriously wrong with my brain. My CAT scan came up clean and the doctors diagnosed me with a panic disorder but the Xanax has done nothing to alleviate my symptoms. By a chance google search I came across Kundalini syndrome and Gopi Krishna's work which describes my experiences to a T, unfortunately.
So I'm absolutely terrified. I can't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time and this weight and pounding in my crown is agonizing. I've attempted the recommended spinal breathing but my technique must be flawed as it only seems to make the energies in my crown stronger. I feel like my entire being is being tested and reevaluated and I can hardly concentrate enough to write this. i don't know how I can handle another three days of this with my sanity intact, much less the weeks and years that people describe. I'm tempted to run to the local Hindu temple and plead for help at the feet of random people if that wouldn't get me thrown into a psych ward. Another week of this and that likely won't matter. |
Edited by - AYPforum on Jun 12 2012 08:40:04 AM |
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 07:53:52 AM
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| Dear Almond, welcome to AYP, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing such terrible energy conditions. You'll be getting a lot of support here for that kind of thing since it's fairly common on the forum. It seems that most everyone has the tendency to overdo, until they have a frightening experience like the one you're experiencing, and then they back way off. Unfortunately, when you go over as far as you've done, you're going to have to back WAY off from practices for a while. I don't recommend doing ANY practices until things have stabilized a lot. Seriously - no spinal breathing, no meditating or even listening to spiritual music. I'd recommend doing something completely 'unspiritual', like eating a heavy meal and going Christmas shopping in a crowded mall, or some heavy duty exercise where you sweat a lot and use a lot of energy. You need a break from anything that stirs up kundalini. But most of all, don't panic. It will pass. You can get a lot of encouragement/support here. Then once you're back to 'normal', consider using the AYP method, which is all about a slow & steady practice w/ a lot of self-pacing. Best of luck to you, and please keep us updated on your condition. |
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Scott
USA
969 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 08:50:11 AM
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| Meg gave the best advice. |
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julied
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 08:53:44 AM
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Hello Almond - sometimes I find that the sense of hugeness, the weight and pressure at a chakra can be eased by considering your previous state of being there is just too small. Like a cage, or container. The openings there, new energies, whatever are causing the area to be bigger - and the hurt of it is simply the bigger feeling pinned in by the walls of your former experience. What I do, and I mostly do this for heart and crown, is visualize as if I'm physically relaxing muscles around the chakra, and I allow for acceptance for a sense of more. ..
Finding it hard to describe actually. I'm terribly visual and kinesthetic, so for me, it was like imagining what I would tell a crying child who was being asked to jam her feet into too small shoes. How much rationalizing and patience is needed there?? Possibly none??? Just a new, bigger pair of shoes, as fast as possible?
Me, on the heart racing - I have it too without any resolution. I do agree with Meg though on the cessation of easing off the spinal breathing. Running the 'cooling' or water orbit seems more advised then running any increasing up-fire-spine work. (Water orbit breathes up the front, showers down the back.) Also a very strong sense of pouring EVERYTHING you've got going on into the ground would work wonders. These energies, they're yours and yet their not 'yours' in terms of needing to attach to them or carry around like luggage - dissolve your attachments to them, give everything, every moment into the Earth.
In my teacher-path and personal growth I've come to see and expect links from the solar plexus in some OBE work. It's not the best place to travel from, as it can leave a person feeling like they're in a place of non-power and 'not me' in terms of what happens. But it does happen. Considering calling back "All of you" back into you if you feel the same exodus, and then make an intention to snip that travel point. It's helpful for some people if they're doing solar plexus work, to borrow from qi-gong and visualize an intense white spark deep within them, in their dan tiens. Focusing on the intensity and brilliance of that spark, while other energies work their course, tend to keep one IBE (in body experience) rather than floating out. |
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Richard
United Kingdom
857 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 09:01:52 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Scott
Meg gave the best advice.
Yes she did ..excellent advice meg.
Stop everything yogic now and I mean everything as meg says don't even read spiritual texts just do things that ground you, heavy stodgy meals. walking..walking is really good. and don't panic you will get back to normal, your symptoms are extreme so back way way off.
Oh and welcome to the forum  |
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 09:02:34 AM
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Hi Almond, you will find lots of help here on the forums but I think you might benefit from emailing Yogani directly. The link is on the AYP homepage. I know a lot about "panic attacks" having experienced them many times. 
I agree with meg that you must stop all practices. Use DISTRACTION to ward off getting pulled into any energy stuff or panic stuff. For myself I found that sometimes the only and best way was to get angry. Yeah. And it works because anger takes you into a different place and is a big step up from panic. Sounds like the wrong thing but is works. Just have it be constructive anger so that you're motivated to work on this process. Hope this makes sense.
Do the grounding stuff. Be around children or puppies  . Stay away from caffeine. Eat ice cream. Scrub the toilet. Jog. Stay BUSY.
Hope this helps. Please keep us posted. |
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weaver
832 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 10:35:46 AM
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Dear Almond,
Much good advice given here. In your situation you need to find a way to ground yourself by doing physical and unspiritual activities. Meat and and lots of protein in the diet is said to have a grounding effect. Also, try to center your attention in your heart.
You may want to apply grounding techniques suggested in this topic:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=2395
For direct personal assistance, you can also contact kundalinisupport.com, and their support forum is at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Swami-G/
May you find relief soon!
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 12:59:13 PM
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I'm really really encouraged by the clear lucidity of your writing. I think you'll be fine.
Let me offer one big gigunda blanket suggestion: everything people are told to do to cultivate spiritual energy, do the opposite for a while.
Eat heavy (in terms of richness and in terms of portions).
Have sexual orgasm...but not to excess, and don't do any energy "work" with them...have porno orgasms, no holding back, let the energy go out, period (if you're completely reflexive in drawing upward energy upon orgasm, skip this whole idea)
lots of engagement with the world...talking, bustling around, etc. This is not the time to go monk-ish...the goal is to roll back spiritual energy, not cultivate it. And use worldly engagement as a distraction when you find yourself probing your pathways for a while. Not a good thing to do. Energy follows attention, so you're just going to keep stirring it up. i know it's tempting to explore, like new dental work. but instead, call your sister or rearrange your CD collection. Go EXTERNAL. I'd avoid "centering in your heart" for now, because with your power of attention, it could stir stuff up. If you experiment with centering in your heart, do it in tiny, tiny dabs and see what happens. And resist the urge to tinker around more widely inside. It's time to act like a dumb everyday cluck whose perspective is always external. Act like them...do as they do.
Avoid temples, art, incense, beauty, solitude, all the things that inspire. Avoid anything that might increase energy levels. I made the mistake of going to an art opening the week my kundalini awoke (not as blasty as you, but I was pretty toasty). My reaction to the beauty was not good.
Also: walk like crazy. Walk for miles. And if you have an asana practice, do standing asanas. Tai chi is good, too.
If the western doctors have ruled out underlying physical problems to your satisfaction, I'd get the heck out of the medical system. Also, I well understand the impulse to go find someone, e.g. in an ashram, who can "fix" you. It's not like that. You're lucid and smart. You are insightful enough to have hacked into a decent level of energetic awareness. Don't get overwhelmed....make this a do it yourself project. You can do it, don't worry.
And I'd wait a while (because his prose is itself energy-stirring), but eventually start reading Yogani's AYP lessons (at link above). Don't do it now, because my guess (based on your posting) is that it'd set you off again. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Dec 14 2007 11:00:59 PM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 1:16:10 PM
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Another thing, which it sounds like you've already "gotten", is to resist the impulse to get too religious about this experience. The problem with viewing it in that way is that it's conducive to expanding it further. View it neurologically: you've overloaded your nervous system, and are feeling burnt out and frenetic as a result.
Maybe kundalini IS the touch of God, but this is not the time to engage such metaphors, because (I learned this from Yogani) what God wants is more more more opening, and He's not real compassionate about your physical overload issues. The only one who can attend to those issues is you, so take control (re: suggestions above) and let God chill for a few weeks or months.
Also, try not to take too many substances....prescription, non-prescription, or recreational drugs (unless you and your doctors decide there is a definite physical problem that definitely requires meds). It's a sensitive time...you're pretty frayed, so they may have unpredictable results. Let walking be your medicine. I'd definitely get off those tranquilizers if it were me.
My impression is that your sanity is fine. There's a train of energy shooting by, and you can't hear yourself over the din. It'll pass. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Dec 14 2007 1:24:48 PM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 11:42:04 PM
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You find God compassionate? You must live in a different world than the rest of us do! :)
But regardless of that Larger Issue, re: the specific issue here (whether the forces that open you to What Is give a damn about the health and well-being of your physical body) the answer is a clear "no". That's important to bear in mind. That's why self pacing is so critical in AYP. The mind's sole role in AYP is to monitor and adjust the velocity. Because velocity is the one thing you can't just trust to go fine on its own. There is no natural self-pacing mechanism outside mind. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Dec 14 2007 11:44:10 PM |
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weaver
832 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2007 : 02:14:30 AM
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I don't see much reason to bring in here the issue of whether God is compassionate or not. If we choose to believe in God, we can see that God has set certain laws in motion, when dealing with purely physical energies, as well as when it comes to energies that are not so physical, like kundalini. After these laws are created, God doesn't change them, they work like they do, and it is up to us to learn to use them wisely.
One such law is that if we open up our nervous system by Yoga practices, kundalini will flow in a similar way as water will flow in a pipe that we remove obstructions from. If we are only ready for a limited flow, we have to self-pace the cleaning process. Therefore we have to learn to self-pace in Yoga, just like we once had to learn not to jump from buildings because of the law of gravity. |
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Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2007 : 03:19:19 AM
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Hey almond,
What kind of energy work are you doing?
It sounds like you experienced something new and that gets us really excited. As long as it isn't too new, or too much. But some times we pass a point of no return. We open up a pathway or generate a great deal of energy, and then we experience things that are unpleasant to our constitution. When you lift weights, you don't start out with a large amount. You work into it, otherwise you'll be so sore you'll have to call off exorcising all together for a while. But you said you aren't doing any consistent practices, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. You just felt the body in a new way, and it seems to have yielded insight for you.
Watch out for red flags, but I doubt these experiences will harm you. Our reactions of fear and anxiety cause us more trouble. Personally, I think a migraine headache or a bad cold are more uncomfortable than even a strong kundalini surge. This isn't to say that such a surge couldn't immobilize you or remove your ability to fulfill your responsibilities for a few days or even more. I just wouldn't pay much attention to it, if it is in fact an overload of energy. By that statement I specifically mean, don't make too many judgments or labels about what is occurring for the time being. Other than for practical purposes to keep yourself healthy.
It is very difficult to characterize what exactly is happening to your body, so you just have to observe without expectations of good or bad. Expectations not only lead to disappointment, but many many kundalini headaches. The act of concentrating on anything, while past the point of no return, only builds up more energy, more discomfort.
This phase will pass, if you catch everyone's drift here about self-pacing/or doing anything but meditation for a couple days. I doubt there is any need to feel terrified. Just respect your influence over your body, respect your body's reaction to your influence. |
Edited by - Kyman on Dec 15 2007 03:41:23 AM |
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almond_veined
2 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2007 : 06:14:50 AM
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I just want to quickly thank everyone for all of their suggestions. Reflecting too much on this just serves to bring everything back to a peak so until I can get more control over the situation I'll just say that eating way more than I want seems to be the best way to keep the energy at bay for a couple of hours. My mom has come to town to stay with me, and she was recently diagnosed with MS. While it's not hereditary, she says her symptoms matched mine and myelin damage is common to both MS and Kundalini awakenings.
Aside from the obvious physical problems, the pressure and weight, the random spasms and tremors and vertigo, the racing heartbeat and throbbing in my head... the most worrisome part for me is whenever I close my eyes and even slightly relax I have absolutely confusing visions accompanied by a semantic definition of what's presented. I can't readily remember any of them except for one, and then only in part. It was of a coffee cup on a saucer with a slice removed from one side, yet the coffee remained in the cup as if it was still solid. Along with this were three words which I assume to be connected to this image as part of a language, which I can't recall. And they're probably not important anyway... Here's the part where my sanity comes into question. Whenever these flashes of "language" come in my mind they're accompanied by the idea that my mind is being rewritten, and that what I thought I knew was completely wrong... I don't think I have the language or framework to express everything involved. Let's try again...
I'm a snarky person with a lot of repressed negativity inside me. My approach to the occult is basically Chaos magick, and my tool kit reflects bits of quite a few traditions. No matter how odd things get, I try to stay grounded and a touch skeptical about the objective nature of what I'm dealing with. Now I feel as if I'm being taken over by something that's going to change me at my core without giving a damn about whatever ideas of personal sovreignity that I feel I should have. It doesn't feel "evil," per se, but it is determined to make me over in its loving and empathic image whether I can handle the change or not. So the reason for my fears of ending up a wild eyed homeless drooling burnout. :/
I've never really sought enlightenment. I'm content with having a degree of control over my own life and emotions and increasing my intuition. This was never in my plan but now that it's here I don't think that it will go away. Thoughts like that are not the kind I'm used to.
I suppose I should have found a teacher or a group to work with at some point in my twenty years of practice instead of exploring my soul madly like a 12 year old with ADD and a bag of pixy stix. Everything is unbalanced and now I feel like a sandbar floating on a river, to be subsumed and replaced with a speeding of the current.
Um. I wrote more than I should have. Time to go back to light TV shows and junk food. Thanks again, so much. It's nice to find a spiritually focused internet community that's both intelligent and kind.
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2007 : 09:07:45 AM
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You have a lot to contend with, Almond. As you can tell, all of us here care about each other's progress, so keep posting and keeping us up to date. I still think that this was (is) a major overload, and that relief will come in time. You could look at this as a blessing, as it may lead you to a more balanced approach to your practices.
It's interesting to me that you experience the energy as benevolent, in spite of the fact that it's wreaking havoc on you mercilessly. That's very encouraging. It's also interesting to me that the blocks, knots, or whatever you called them that you felt along your spine, and that you were able to move, were protecting you from the very thing that's now happening. I think that it's sometimes questionable when people do all kinds of spiritual gymnastics to move the blockages. Sometimes they're there for a reason. Unfortunately you found out the hard way, but I think it's worth noting that some blocks - the persistent ones - are there for good reason.
Wishing you peace... |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2007 : 10:29:25 AM
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A lot of the unpleasant symptoms are the result not of what's happening, but of your resistance. If you play tug-of-war with the universe, the universe generally wins, and the friction of the fight can be pretty fatiguing.
Are you willing to entertain the notion, nauseating and alarming though it might feel at first, that what's feeling flushed away is all stuff like hair and fingernails and epidermis and clothing and eyeglasses and hats and baggage, and that what you are, at your core, is still utterly calm and intact, and can never be touched? That you are not your hair, fingernails, epidermis, clothing, eyeglasses, hats, and baggage, though you once thought yourself to be those things? Can you float and permit yourself to be stripped naked? Your naked self is not a wild eyed homeless drooling burnout. It's just a lot less snarky and a lot less convinced it's in control. You've never have been in control. It was just a delusion. You're now being blessed with a visceral understanding of this, and are mistakenly interpreting it as your losing the control you once had, rather than as a new, deep awareness of what's always been, anyway. If you can open to it, a new level of objectivity will open. But you can't get new objectivity without letting go of your old assumptions. And if you cling, that letting go feels violent. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Dec 15 2007 10:31:53 AM |
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LittleTurtle
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2007 : 7:04:57 PM
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| Almond, some of what you discribe is to me what I call "bleed-through". Whenever I've practised a lot and not grounded myself afterward and allow myself to get "in my head" or spacy, I get this experience of dream fragments and they come as sort of visions and as if I'm remembering something. I think in my case what happens is that I'm recalling something from a previous dream but my mind wants to use it as a current thing and then I get totally confused. It's sort of like 'dream emesis'. So I ignore and get into my day. But while it's happening it's totally confusing, so I've learned not to go there. Does this make sense? hope so. |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2007 : 7:13:36 PM
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almond, if you're reading within a few days of Dec 15, buzz off and get back to your stodge!
almond_veined said:
Now I feel as if I'm being taken over by something that's going to change me at my core without giving a damn about whatever ideas of personal sovreignity that I feel I should have.
LOL. If it's any comfort to you, that's the way it always has been really, and the way it's always going to be. The reasons these overly-energetic K processes can be so terrifying is that everything can be happening so fast at times. When the processes are slowed down and stabilized, you may even become a jolly comfortable yogi, on an inner tube floating down Yoga river, but you're still being 'taken over by something that's going to change you at your core without giving a damn about whatever ideas of personal sovreignity that you feel you should have' --- albeit at a more comfortable pace.
Here's the part where my sanity comes into question. Whenever these flashes of "language" come in my mind they're accompanied by the idea that my mind is being rewritten,
Don't worry, again the only problem here is the speed. There's nothing wrong with the mind being re-written -- and if you are 'fortunate' enough to progress very significantly in yoga, your mind will certainly be rewritten even more -- though if the re-writing is slow and comfortable enough, you may never become directly conscious of it.
Enjoy AYP!
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I think I made a huge mistake.
