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emc
2072 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 16 2007 : 07:32:02 AM
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"I am so small I can barely be seen.
How can this great love be inside me?
Look at your eyes. They are small,
but they see enormous things." /Rumi
"The Earth sings I am thee
The Sun sings I am thee
The Moon sings I am thee
The Stars sing I am thee"
/Peru
I saw someone having a text like this on her profile page on an internet site a couple of years ago. Very funny at that moment... now I don't know how I find it... somehow... true?
I was the one who built the Zues canal, the pyramids and the Chinese wall, it was I who sank Titanic, I held the gun that started the first world war, I am the one the pope asks for advice, I have travelled the Seven Oceans, I have climbed the Mount Everest, I kicked England out of India, it was me who extinguished the dinosaures, I created the atom bomb and dropped it over Hiroshima, I invented the engine, dynamite and the wheel. I spread both the plague and the AIDS epidemy, I carried Jesus on my back on his way to Jerusalem, I haunted the jews during the second world war, I raised and destroyed the walls of Jericho, I fought the war in Troja, it was me who started the French Revolution, I went on the first trip to the moon, I killed JF Kennedy, it was I who crashed into the World Trade Center, I was the one who split the Read Sea, I came up with the idea of the General Theory of Relativity  , I discovered the penicillin, I have won the Olympic Games, it was actually me who composed Wagner's operas, I was Jack the Ripper but also Mother Theresa, I know the secret of Stonehenge, I have made love to Djingis Khan, I wrote the Mayan Calender...
I am a couple of hundred million Chinese male adolescents with bad acne, desperately surfing the internet for porn all evenings, since I have too few girls to mate with?!?!?
Nausea...  Where did that reference point go and how do I get it back???
Has this ever hit anyone of you in this way?
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Edited by - emc on Nov 16 2007 08:26:48 AM |
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glagbo
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2007 : 4:01:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
[brNausea... Where did that reference point go and how do I get it back???
Has this ever hit anyone of you in this way?
Emc:
Maybe these of late posts of yours should come with a (warming .. oops) warning
This one almost sent me onto one of those episodes of Awareness Watching Awareness. Luckily for me I was able to pull away from the computer screen just in time.
Deep stuff. Keep them coming.
Thank you.
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Edited by - glagbo on Nov 19 2007 2:41:29 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2007 : 5:21:40 PM
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Do they chill you out? 
Thanks for feed-back, glagbo.
*sending some heat*
(My God... I AM BUSH! I am the president of the United States of America. Good Lord, if he only knew... ) |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2007 : 03:39:37 AM
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About women's longing to be loved for being The Goddess, here's a song from Peru with wonderful lyrics illustrating that (www.peruthesingingwoman.com):
She is the very power manifesting the universe. She is the spirit of love.
She breathes in everybody's body. She created everybody's body
Pure sensitivity, pure sensuality
She is flow and undulation she is the cosmic celebration open surrender
Her pain is that she has been pushed into the underworld
She lost herself she lost her love
She followed her man up into the world of sexuality
Where she'll never be free where she's bought and sold for her feminine energy
Time for her to be fully on the earth fully in herself truly womanly
She is the mother your hugging she is the lover your loving
She is the beauty of love
She is the bowl from which everyone feeds regardless of wealth regardeless of greed
She will break you open when your heart has been broken
To take you deeper in love
She longs to be unveiled she longs to be demaled she longs to be hailed as herself
In her beautiful body in her beautiful heart in her beautiful womb in her beautiful beautiful |
Edited by - emc on Nov 17 2007 04:52:16 AM |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2007 : 4:37:06 PM
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quote:
emc wrote: Sparkle's recent post on HALT has been following me. What if I just stop... stop believing the thought of having things in front, in the future, ahead of me... What if I just stop here and now? Just had the question "what would happen if you stopped, just dropped it?"
Lizzard went into slow motion, stopped and then nausea came along with the blackness.
What's wrong with now?
What's wrong with now?
Why don't I want to be here now?
What am I afraid of?
The 'little me' has been very, very afraid the latest days. Associating again to one of Sparkle's posts - http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....ID=2949#2949 (Thank you Louis for all brilliant input lately.) That text can easily be interpreted by the mind-ego as directed to our self-esteem, that you should have a good self-confidence and not diminish yourself. But it is pointing to something much deeper than the personal ego with self-concerns. It's not about the ego's self-esteem. It's about being That.
"Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
The vastness of being is so mind boggling it scares the **** out of 'me'. The gap between the selfish self-centred little life I have been living and realizing the immense powers of the Universe that is inside of me, that I AM is freaking my mind out. When it's becoming real, it is terrifying... My flat, my house, my cats, my job... what is that compared to BEING the whole universe, all times, all of creation and beyond?
Thanks Emc.
Yes I find it very unsettling also. More from the point of view of looking at my everday life and seeing how it could be if I dropped the ego completely, this blows me away, it is radical, it is soft beyond imagination, it is unbounded love, humility beyond measure.
If we keep surrendering through the AYP practices we'll get there. I suppose getting these glimpses is natural and coming face to face with our fears is natural.
And as you say "what's wrong with right now". But in this statement we have an expectation, do we not?. The expectation is, that all is not as it should be right now. The expectation is that if we were fully present right now it would all be different.
We are looking at how it could be by projecting a future possibility onto us now.
Instead we can just continue with the daily practices and go with the flow. Ah yes, great advice for me right now
Cheers
Louis |
Edited by - Sparkle on Nov 19 2007 06:09:27 AM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2007 : 4:09:42 PM
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Hi Louis, I haven't commented on your post since I don't think I got your point.
"We are looking at how it could be by projecting a future possibility onto us now." To me, that's going one round extra and making it complicated. "What's wrong with right now?" is to me simply a self-inquiry question bringing me FROM the projections of future possibilites ahead of me TO presence, stillness, accepting what is.
Life has humour. While sitting in the bathroom the other day I bursted out in a huge laugh when another metaphore suddenly came to me. I get these cartoon like visions. This is Larson inspired:
We're like hairs on the back of a moose. Everybody claiming they're individuals and know how it is:
- Hey, did you hear some hairs say we're actually all one?
- Weirdos! I've always grown by myself. I have my closest ones here beside me, but I'm ME - I sure aint them!
And we fight about whose world view is right:
- Yeah! And some say we don't actually live on this soft ground, they say the ground is green and has stones on it etc...
- Hahaha! Ridiculous! Anyone can see we're living on soft ground, no?
- Yep! I think it's the hairs over there *pointing downward the moose* that has gone weird, claiming they get squeezed by that "real ground".
- Clear cut case of halucinations... *shaking the head*... can happen to anyone...
- Have you heard the rumour that we're actually a MOOSE!?! LOL!
- ROTFL! A moooooose! Hahahaha! Sure!
- I'm a hair! Always has been always will be..
- *serious tone* Oh, no... you know there's a time when we fall off this ground and is no more...
- Yeah, some of my closest dropped off yesterday...
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Anyway, they say the moose is moving. But it can't be so, can it, since we're so still here, aren't we? We don't move an inch!
- Come on now, quit that gibberish about mooses, being one and moving. Just be brown and hold that air around you for a while, will you?
Life is not very much more serious than that. We're just a moving moose...
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2007 : 6:03:00 PM
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Yeah!, I guess I thought I was being clever , so much for that
Why do angels have wings? - because they take things so lightly
Thanks Angel |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Dec 21 2007 : 01:38:39 AM
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quote:
Sparkle said: And as you say "what's wrong with right now". But in this statement we have an expectation, do we not?. The expectation is, that all is not as it should be right now. The expectation is that if we were fully present right now it would all be different.
We are looking at how it could be by projecting a future possibility onto us now.
Instead we can just continue with the daily practices and go with the flow. Ah yes, great advice for me right now
quote:
emc said:"We are looking at how it could be by projecting a future possibility onto us now." To me, that's going one round extra and making it complicated. "What's wrong with right now?" is to me simply a self-inquiry question bringing me FROM the projections of future possibilites ahead of me TO presence, stillness, accepting what is.
On refection, the space I was coming from was one where I had been on a retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh, where we had a two hour dharma talk each day. At the end of it I came away feeling wise.
Then shortly afterwards I attended another retreat with the Abbess, Sister Jina, from his community.
This one was so simple, continually bring us back to now-now-now-now, that I came away from this one with an experience of being totally disarmed of everything.
Two nice contrasts.
Disarmed of everything means, as you know, disarmed of self-inquiry, of understanding, of everything, just be. That's the point I was making - if that's a point
I hope we can laugh together in that space
Namaste
Louis |
Edited by - Sparkle on Dec 21 2007 01:48:03 AM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 2:18:27 PM
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"I hope we can laugh together in that space."
We are laughing together in that space all the time! It's just that we can't have a direct experience of it that often as we might wish yet...
I don't know if I have told you the s t o r y about the first realization I had of The Ocean? It was at the retreat. I was going home two days before it ended. Had to get back to work. Had already stretched my vacation outside of permission, and my colleagues were already doing my job on overtime. Big time to go home! So I told Bernie I was going later that day. He said "Oh, I didn't know that!" and blinked one eye...
I was standing at the veranda, telling a friend the sad news I had to go. She just looked at me and said. "No you don't have to go." And I insisted. She just kept looking at me and said "No, you don't." Then this tremendous flip happened.
You know the feeling when you look at yourself in a mirror? You totally recognize your own face, have seen it for a life time. It is SO familiar and so obvious it's "ME" watching myself. If it was anyone else looking back we would be very, very surprised and probably freak out!!! (Like in horror movies, when it's suddenly a demon looking back or something.) And I don't know about you guys, but I sometimes interact with myself in the mirror. Make a funny face and smile at myself or start playing theatre and make a character... you know, silly things one can do when being alone in the bathroom...
What happened to me at the veranda that moment was the reverse. I looked into her eyes and suddenly got that exact feeling as when I look at myself in the mirror. I saw "ME" looking at MYSELF! Just as natural suddenly as if I was looking in a mirror. She was the mirror! Then I looked at another person. I, me, myself looked back from her eyes too!!! Then I started to do funny faces towards the persons around me while laughing, laughing and laughing with that carbon acid bubbling joy bursting out everywhere. They laughed as well. The laugh was very contagious. Then the world suddenly made a total inside out twist. From being outside of me, it was inside. The world just melted together into a Matrix bubble inside of me. I realized my work is NOT important at the moment. My colleagues are also "ME". No catastrophe, bad feelings or disaster would come about if I didn't go back to work for two more days. I got the most funny vision of me being a body, and my colleagues being my toes, believing they were separate small beings, and I saw their frowning faces asking "Oh, is she not coming tomorrow?" "No, she isn't" "Oh dear, why not?" "Don't know" "Okay" etc etc discussing with eachother totally unaware of us being One and the same. That brought me to even greater laugh paroxysm.
I went to call my boss. I just sat there, knowing I was talking to myself and that I would allow myself to stay two more days at the retreat. I actually just said one or two sentences explaining "so much is happening, I have to stay" and then waited in silence. She had a conversation with herself, which was absolutely fantastic to listen to, going from being slightly upset to finding practical solutions to everything, and eventually congratulating me for having such a nice retreat! I had to keep myself from bursting out in laughter the whole call.
So, Louis, my love, we're laughing in that space all the time... whether we are consciously aware of it or not in any given moment. |
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brushjw
USA
191 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2008 : 12:00:17 PM
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I came out alone on my way to my tryst. But who is this that follows me in the silent dark?
I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not.
He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger; he adds his loud voice to every word that I utter.
He is my own little self, my lord, he knows no shame; but I am ashamed to come to your door in his company.
-- Rabindranath Tagore Gitanjali, Song Offerings
aum namaste,
Joe |
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brushjw
USA
191 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2008 : 10:52:29 PM
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Oops. emc, I was replying to your 'The "little me"' post from November 15. I didn't realize this topic had two pages. 
aum namaste,
Joe |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Mar 02 2008 : 04:09:45 AM
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| Thank you for the info! I wondered there for a moment what you meant, but now it's clear to me! A nice twist in that text you wrote - he knows no shame! Haha! That's so true! |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2008 : 10:26:58 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2008 : 1:19:24 PM
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Okidoki, so here we go again... I have been attending satsangs with Bernie Prior this week, and a few coins just dropped down... as they always do in the presence of a sage... Although I wrote this in a post not long ago, it always seems to be new ways of understanding it:
quote:
"Who would you be without that thought?" On a psychological level the answer would be: A more balanced, harmonic person etc etc... On a deeper level the answer would be: The Witness, the stillness, the supreme consciousness... So that's a constant reminder to identify not with your thoughts, but with your True nature...
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....page=3#34361
Who is identifying either with thoughts or Truth? It's not the mind having it wrong, having the misidentification, believing it's the controller/the doer/the ego/the little self or whatever we want to call it. It's the consciousness - what you ARE, always has been and always will be - not having it quite right!
I couldn't meditate properly this morning since I was interrupted by this urge to write down what came out, so I meditated and then wrote, got back into meditation and wrote etc:
Consciousness is not only the witness. It also has the ability to identify. The I of the consciousness is not only the eye - the witness - it is also constantly wondering "Who am I?" and seeks to identify itself. When it comes out through a baby and is presented to the world in the vehicle of a body-mind it gradually goes over from pure being to believing itself to be the body-mind (taught how to by others)! That's where the misidentification occurs. And it turns the consciousness into believing "I am the mind", which it's not!
So travelling on the spiritual journey has always FELT like it's the mind who has to realize what it REALLY is - consciousness... and as you hear, that's impossible. But what is the option? Consciousness believes it is the mind and is told to go seek who it really is... It's designed for a perpetuating annoying loop! That's why Yogani says that a mind questioning the mind is "non-relational inquiry", which is leading nowhere. Of course! It is not the mind that has to get it right - it's the consiousness! Not even I - consciousness identified as the mind - can get it right again without some help. It has to learn to identify with something else, and preferably with its true nature - it has to relearn to identify itself as consciousness. And that help is presenting consciousness to it's true nature so that it can feel the difference between what is misidentification and coming home to True identification as itself. That is done by buildning stillness inside. Meditation being the supreme tool! With a little stillness - self-inquiry suddenly becomes relational and the way is shown - we can start differentiating between false identity and true identity (And mind you, there's something being aware of all this all the time...)
That's why also The Work is brilliant! In fact, all the sages are NOT addressing the mind when they speak. They address the Consciousness since that is the one listening, the one who needs to listen and start moving towards true identification. Then it is Home.
As soon as we start building some stillness inside, consciousness identifying as the Mind will believe it gets to touch something divine, which is outside of it! And we believe, we as I - my body-mind - is experiencing something huge, fantastic and divine. The truth is... when that bit of stillness comes... we touch ourselves as ourselves for the first time in a very, very long time, and we recognize it immediately as peace, no conflict, no misunderstanding, relaxation... what a relief! We are finally True. But consciousness is still very unaccustomed to it, so it doesn't switch identity just like that... it will keep to the belief that it's touched by something spiritual that is outside of it! It will take some practice for this toddler to alter the identification. So it helps just to keep that knowing of what is "true identity" inside (even if it's not fully realized).
As soon as there are energetics, scenery or cool stuff going on they may be seen as constant reminders of who we really are. The consciousness (still perhaps identifying as body-mind) is being shown the doorway home! It's nothing else. Instead of interpreting it as "something great happened to me as a person/body-mind", it is "Oh, I, as consciousness, is offered an opportunity to get this misidentification right! I just touched myself as consciousness and it caused a tingleing or a vision or some other great scenery." (Yes, indeed a kind of self stimulation there... )
Somewhere along the road that flip will occur; the identification will no longer be with body-mind but with stillness/consciousness... BUT: All the thoughts and emotions will continue to show up as usual! (This is what has confused me a lot during the journey!!!) That's what we refer to as "the pendulum swings". It's because when stillness touches a conditioned pattern it will OPEN and get itself out there... to be KNOWN and SEEN for what it is. But we interpret it as "Oh, I lost it, I'm back in my mind again and now rough times are here, lots of pain, my patterns are still there... gahhh!" But... it has a purpose: The consciousness, now as a toddler, needs to get to know itself. It HAS to get lessons to SEE how conditioning, patterns and distortions have been able to fool it for so long! So all the patterns will arise, even though the knot holding it is loosened and on its way to dissolve it will arise only to display itself as what were formerly causing the misidentification to consciousness to learn from. After a while the thoughts and emotions will get more quiet. They will bow to Truth. So confronting old patterns causes discomfort for a while - they will be touched and stirred. It IS uncomfortable, and if we run away we will prolong the journey. If we put ourselves through that scrape and rub it will dissolve.
Consciousness identified as Mind goes: "So... I am to change identiy, am I? Ok... let's see... how do I do that?" If you notice, that when sages are asked questions like that they seldom answer. It's a question from the mind, and sages seldom answers questions from the mind. They always, always answer what the Consciousness needs to hear, not what the mind WANTS to hear. If they answered the mind, they would satisfy it and support the misidentification. That's why Yogani is not so much under the hood... that's where the mind loves to revel.
I don't do the change in identification. It happens. Only the mind is the doer. I am not - I am consciousness. |
Edited by - emc on Jun 14 2008 4:07:42 PM |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2008 : 11:20:14 PM
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Hi emc,
quote:
Somewhere along the road that flip will occur; the identification will no longer be with body-mind but with stillness/consciousness... BUT: All the thoughts and emotions will continue to show up as usual! (This is what has confused me a lot during the journey!!!) That's what we refer to as "the pendulum swings". It's because when stillness touches a conditioned pattern it will OPEN and get itself out there... to be KNOWN and SEEN for what it is. But we interpret it as "Oh, I lost it, I'm back in my mind again and now rough times are here, lots of pain, my patterns are still there... gahhh!" But... it has a purpose: The consciousness, now as a toddler, needs to get to know itself. It HAS to get lessons to SEE how conditioning, patterns and distortions have been able to fool it for so long! So all the patterns will arise, even though the knot holding it is loosened and on its way to dissolve it will arise only to display itself as what were formerly causing the misidentification to consciousness to learn from. After a while the thoughts and emotions will get more quiet. They will bow to Truth. So confronting old patterns causes discomfort for a while - they will be touched and stirred. It IS uncomfortable, and if we run away we will prolong the journey. If we put ourselves through that scrape and rub it will dissolve.
I like this part, this is the way I see it too.
quote:
It's because when stillness touches a conditioned pattern it will OPEN and get itself out there...
I see it as recovering itself. The energy is trapped in form and needs to be released from the conditioned patterns in order to return to oneness. Energy no longer opposing itself to experience duality, but accepting itself on all levels to transcend duality to oneness.
quote:
So confronting old patterns causes discomfort for a while - they will be touched and stirred. It IS uncomfortable, and if we run away we will prolong the journey. If we put ourselves through that scrape and rub it will dissolve.
I see it this way as well, I view this discomfort as the pain of dissipation (dying) of thought patterns (or ego). When our ego's receive a mortal blow, when we get "rocked" emotionally by life experiences, it softens us, it makes us vulnerable... it breaks down our many layers and reveals what is left...what it true. If we can stay with the pain and even love and be grateful for it, we can stay with what Is for a little while longer. |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2008 : 2:03:16 PM
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Hi Anthem,
Thanks for your comments.
quote:
Energy no longer opposing itself to experience duality, but accepting itself on all levels to transcend duality to oneness.
Beautiful! Yes. It's like... we are total beings. If we shut out ANY bit of pain - mental, emotional or physical - however tiny, we will be less than total... and close ourselves from that trancendence. It has to go all through.
What I found most interesting was that... the place I got to during the satsangs and practices... were nowhere else than where I go in meditation or what I name it: during my "flips" into the Now. When I first met Bernie I had just barely begun meditation and the boost the retreat gave me then lingered for a while and then faded. Now one more year of meditation after the retreat has brought me to a place where being in his presence no longer differs so much from where I'm already at - at least in deep meditation. It's more constant in his presence, and the flip-flopping doesn't occur, but it is becoming more and more obvious that the guru is truly within. Thank you, Yogani. Bernie only confirms what I already know to be True, and helps keeping the openness.
During one of the sessions I had this single flame in the darkness being there. Absolutely beautiful!!! Then the love started to spread like the silvery stuff on Neo when he touched the melting mirror, only that the love started in the deepest place of the heart and spread out as blackness pouring all over, but when it reached the throat it hit a blockage and terror came... but sprinkling through the terror was this wonderful love and my whole being just screamed YES - come and take me!!! I would have been overwhelmed by the strength of that before, and although I was now also terrified when it happened (everything this week has been about death, cancer, fear of death and terror of losing control) it was like this familiar feeling from my meditation sessions. Love is love and it is what it is. It's raging, roaring, mercyless and absolutely determined to engulf me totally. Just not quite yet. Just have to be a bit cleaner it seems... it stopped at the throat.
What was also interesting was that during the satsangs when he spoke about the living life as stillness in action... there was hardly no response. As soon as he touched on The Nothingness or The Absolute... I collapsed physically in total relaxation, going down into blackness, or got my arm up there in the air like an antenna, stopped breathing and tears streamed. Home. (As I write now... I start wriggle here... (!)) It is calling me home, and the calling is so strong... It feels as if I couldn't care less about stillness in action. I'm not even fully there yet living it in direct experience, still I feel that... also that will be a phase... also that will pass... and I can't wait to get over it...
It happened over and over again. Bernie sat with me yesterday with a plate in front of him with a cup on, showing how the cup was the World of Existence and as you realize you get to know yourself as Everything (I am all, as Nisargadatta would say), and that the plate is the consciousness around it, holding it, so then you realize yourself as Consciousness (I am, as Nisargadatta would say), and then.. (he pointed outside the plate) you spill over and realize what holds the consciousness... and I just got stirred into the deepest, deepest place... just knowing so deep that's where I'm going. I'm going all the way home.
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Edited by - emc on Jun 16 2008 5:41:11 PM |
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Tibetan_Ice
Canada
758 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2008 : 11:33:49 PM
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Hi emc
I just wanted to say that what you wrote in the initial post of The Ocean was very inspiring to me. Beautiful, clear, clean and crisp! Very simple and very deep. Thank you for writing that!
TI |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2008 : 01:45:41 AM
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| Hahaha! Thank you for your praise and for dismissing all the other posts! |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2008 : 4:07:09 PM
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Oh, I read my last long post above and just wanted to make clear that when I wrote
"Now one more year of meditation after the retreat has brought me to a place where being in his presence no longer differs so much from where I'm already at - at least in deep meditation."
I don't mean I'm very deeply realized. I only meant that I must have hit the "ceiling" of where I'm at. The system is just not ready to go further, even with the 'help' from a guide such as Bernie... Sorry if it sounded like something else... |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2008 : 07:32:21 AM
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Feels like this is the thread I want to use to report on where my journey takes me...
I was at a spiritual festival during the week. One week of intense workshops, heaps of more or less realized beings, great teachers and inspiring seekers gathered in one spot. Don't know really what to write, it was so much happening... but I think I'll go to what seemed very much to be the main theme of the week:
The Feminine, The Divine Mother, The Universal Womb, Mother Earth, Shakti, Kundalini... Blackness... The Dan Tien, Physical womb, Belly... The PHYSICAL part of life, The Tree of Life, The Manifested, The Existence, THIS!!! THIS!!! THIS!!!
It started off with a sweatlodge. I've done it once and then promised myself never to do it again. But I was about to do it again. I followed the procedure, went to a tree and asked what my issue/intention was today to work on. The tree whispered: accept the physical. I was the last person to enter, and it turned out it got so full I couldn't! I had to stay outside, and strangely it felt so right. For those of you who knows sweatlodges, my legs took me to stand on the straight line beyond the fire, facing the lodge (symbolizing the Womb of Mother Earth). So it was:
Earth womb - tree of life - sun - me
And mudras started waving, and insights just rained down... I suddenly realized I was very symbolically standing beyond the sun, watching the interplay between the male and female, the sun and the earth with Life sprouting up in between... and it came to me:
I AM THAT AS THIS
As if I was the whole Earth-Sun system and beyond. There's a huge shift going on where my bhakti driven by negative emotions and resistance to THIS is about to transform... It's painful, but unstoppable if I want to go deeper into the mystery... Massive earth energy came up through my body, loving me, loving me, loving me... and a coin just dropped... the circle must be closed to be WHOLE - it's not a one way usage of earth energies for ME... so I just gave it a try to send some love back to Earth... and there was this huge opening... in my womb... in my being... in the field of awareness... Finally this YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!
It was also meant for me to be outside. After a short while a woman came out in great pain and agony, screaming of anger and sorrow. All her emotions went straight through me and down to earth. I stood like a statue for ages it seemed, to just hold her, hold her and let everything pass through me back to Mother Earth, seeing how She takes everything back... dust to dust... and gives new life in return... the tree of life... It turned out that woman took part in my sharing group later - she had just lost her Mother...
Another day it was time to try sweatlodge again. I sat meditating first at the fire and tried to sense what my issue/intention was today. Heard a cow moo a lot and just knew she was delivering at the moment. Asked the tree for clarity on my issue but got no real answer this time... it was very muddy. Just knew it has something to do with giving life. I got inside this time. When the leader started to talk he mentioned that the sweatlodge is a symbol of getting reborn - and that's when the clarity came! I'm getting reborn. That's the issue.
I can't stand sweatlodges so I went out just before the first round was done. And I'm so glad I got out - it was so kind of me to take care of myself! It is possible to develop spiritually in comfortable ways also... But sweatlodges are so powerful even if you go out! So I laid down outside, and then my womb started to move... I laid there with convulsions in my womb for 1,5 hours.
Then I attended a satsang with Florian Thatagata, and he just looked at me and started taking us to a place of perceiving through the womb... Just like Adyashanti, he actually just spoke about how you can have a very enlightened mind and be out sailing in high freqencies meeting angels and fun stuff, and even a very open heart and love every person, but still not have your being dancing... until you get it down to your gut, your belly, your womb...
And... it all fell into place... that's where life springs from... The spiritual womb that we all have... which is the cosmic womb... which is the place where male consciousness seeds the female potential bringing vibration, movement, sound - OM, light - The Star, and out... from the now... springs every present moment of Life.... The Tree of Life grows there... ever exploding seeds of potential getting manifested... and if we have full body perception, sensing our field of awareness and sense the world from within our womb... we're fully human beings, embracing both mind, heart and the physical... Totality.
The whole week was just about this theme. I went out for a three hr session in the forest with a Russian Shaman... We were also to ask a tree about clarity. I asked "What do I need?" My beautiful, curvy, female tree whispered:
You want to make love!
And the picture continued to grow... Yes! I am love, the whole creation is making love all the time with itself. When being the love that I am... I make love all the time... the meeting between the forces is a gigantic lovemaking bringing form to this love by manifesting... All form is children of that constant lovemaking...
And that is perceivable particularly during... lovemaking... The unique opportunity here on earth is for man and woman to meet in flesh and close the circuit. That's the point of this whole life. To express lovemaking consciously - having the lotus flower by the third eye - with a bleedingly open heart, having the lotus flower by the heart chakra - and physically... having penis and vagina dance their dance and then... the lotus flowers in the womb and then I AM THAT AS THIS.......... and the whole cosmos celebrates the Union on All Levels!
So after the session in the forest where the shaman had my Kundalini raging in my spine for 1,5 hours, I land on another satsang with Peru, who starts off with saying: We want to make love! All the time... We are here to make love... And how easily the physical lovemaking goes into sex when there's only two minds meeting and letting the flesh bounce into eachother.
It was all about The Womb, which I have neglected for so long... Now it is open.
And... I asked Peru about the confusion I have about grounding. She said: Breathing in earth and the feminine and let it go up makes you fly... as a woman we dissolve into ourselves. If we let the energy go down instead, we ground ourselves, we give back to Earth. That's why the focus on the feet is there...
I had just mixed up the direction of the energies! Grounding is getting the energies DOWN, not getting more earth energy UP! Phew!
Otherwise, I was astonished to find how much stillness there was inside, bringing absolute calmness whatever happened. My wallet and cell phone was stolen the last evening. And I didn't feel a thing! Just smiled and said... oh, so they are not mine anylonger - someone else needed them more than I did. How exciting! Just like Byron Katie!
Oh, and one very interesting thing happened the last minutes on the festival, waiting to go home... I got to meet a 19 year old Indigo child. He came and it started to burn in the body, particularly the nose - such heavy stillness coming. He wanted to sell his music CD to a guy who said no. He then turned to me, held it up in front of him... and there was this picture of the Eye with the pupil being the hole in the middle of the CD... That's what I've experienced lately in my meditations... The eye suddenly having a clear black pupil that I'm being sucked into... exactly like a black hole in space!!! I told him about that and he just smiled and said "Then I think this record is for you!" And it was...
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Edited by - emc on Jul 12 2008 11:41:58 AM |
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Tibetan_Ice
Canada
758 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2008 : 01:05:22 AM
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Hi [emc]
It is so nice to hear about your interesting adventures. Thank you for posting them!
TI |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2008 : 05:22:44 AM
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| Thank you T_I! I know we are both fond of reporting our experiences! For me this forum serves as a kind of diary... If I ever would like to write something later about the journey, I will have the whole lot in chronological order here... |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2008 : 04:24:10 AM
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A post I wrote before in this topic turned out to be more significant than I could ever imagine. The retreat on Fiji became a beautiful follow up from the Festival described in the post above when my womb opened.
Quoting from this post: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....D=2891#26738
quote:
Originally posted by emc
The ring of time appeared again. But this time it zoomed in closer, and very, very rapidly thousands of years passed by - a skyline of houses from different eras flickered by. Suddenly there was a bright flame. A moment of stillness, and then all the houses on the horizontal timeline started to burn. A wild rampage fire ring of time whirling around me. Time existed no longer. Timeless beingness was left.
I have now gotten to know that this "ring of fire" is wellknown. It is the burning of all attachments during all past lives... The axis is... the eternal cosmic time... OM.
quote:
Then I saw my body floating in space. Pale, all transparent whiteness, like a corpse. I saw my veins, my heart, my bones, my calmly smiling face... Very peaceful, very tender and ethereal. Zooming in on it, it became obvious that it was just a hollow body full of space. Veins and bones were a molecule matrix of space. Very non solid. There was actually no real body there. It was nobody there.
Then this body was carried by six pygmies to its funeral. Very sad, very serious. Tears streamed down my face and I realized they were going to burn me to ashes. One person was arranging the fire ornaments and he was very sad and serious. Then it hit me: But who is being carried on that funeral march? Who are you burying? There's noone there, there's nobody there!!! It was like admitting the king had no clothes! I told the person arranging the ornaments - Hey, there's noone there to bury - it's all fake, it's a theater. He looked up with a twinkle in his eye and said "Oh, no, this is very serious and sad, don't disturb me." The twinkle in his eyes was so enormously kind and roguish, it made me giggle, giggle, giggle.
The funeral went on, but nothing went on. It was only the Sun and the Moon in the vast, vast, vast sky witnessing a pretence funeral.
One day I was in the pool, floating in the salt water, very relaxed. Arms streched out. Eyes suddenly opened and I saw the moon just above my left hand, and the sun just above my right hand... Powerful. And I thought "Hm... I recognize this."
At dinner I told about the experience and this vision from the sound journey came back to me... I started telling that I had seen that before, the sun and the moon... over a tropical island where ornaments were being made... In the vision it was a weaving of palm leaves, and... that's what all ornaments was at Fiji... and I just realized and shouted out loud with arms flying straight up in the air:
- IT'S HERE!!!!
And I just saw that the pygmees were actually Fijians, dark skinned with curly hair... and I had just held the moon and the sun in my hands in the pool...
And then the waiting game started... Haha! This journey is soooo tricky! Of course I then started to wait for the Big Bang! The realization all the way back to the Absolute, and you know what... it didn't happen! I was just struck by lightening on several occasions when Bernie mentioned the Absolute or some very deep Truth, I was litteraly knocked down on the floor with spasms when the crown chakra opened. The expectations was increased by Bernie saying "You are actually ready to take in all those energies now, you don't have to scream the house down." Jeeez... got my mind spinning! The ego came running, multiplying its forces like Agent Smith in Matrix!!!!
But what did happen was a series of deeper and deeper realizations of who this emc has believed to be HER all her life... deeper and deeper seeing of this woman's patterns... and eventually, the last day of the retreat... the toughest pattern I have carried: the denial of life, the hatred, the negativity, which has functioned as fuel to my bhakti... it has now served its purpose! The negativity is GONE. GONE! I have realized HER, The Goddess, and I have found the VALUE of Life. Along with that came the realization of all patterns influencing relationships.
I was priviliged to meet a man the night before the first day of the retreat and we went through ALL stages of a relationship in 21 days and broke up the night before the last day of the retreat... All patterns were discovered seen and dissolved.
The old emc is dead, indeed.
The ugly duckling has grown up to be a swan.
I was actually given a riddle from my innermost. I asked to be shown how patterns had functioned in my life. The voice said: You really don't have to know. It's enough to recognize patterns and you are free from them. I insisted. I want to understand the psychospiritual side of it. "Ok, I can show you, but it's gonna blow you away!" I said yes, please. I was shown three cards:
The planet Saturn
The Swan
The diamond weddingring
It took a few days during which I was given small pieces of info from several persons. It turned out that this lifetime I was given the most difficult masculine energies to understand. Planet Saturn has the most tricky energies, I was told. Male, structure, struggle, limitations... etc etc. It has been manifested as child sexual abuse with all its destructive consequences and a life dedicated to dive into the mud of the world through research to understand it. All this time I was identifying myself as the ugly duckling. It has given me enormous insights in the game of suffering in the world. I am very grateful for that! I was also taken away from my mother at birth. Didn't meet her until I was 2 months. She then actually left our family when I was 5, so there was a very early separation from Mother, thus a strong NO to Life and a great scepticism towards the Feminine.
But now it was time to turn into a beautiful swan... SHE is beautiful, she is powerful. With the majesty of a Queen, she IS Everything. She is generous beyond understanding, she has both the sword and the heart... the tenderness and softness, yet the firmness that entitles her Majesty...
Now... the marriage can take place. It's time to celebrate a wedding.
I have realized that realizations may come in whatever form, gradually. Sometimes we notice them more when they come with splendour and magic with beautiful scenery, sometimes they just drop in without notice and changes ones life forever.
In an unguarded moment, one might realize all the way to the Absolute, but it's nothing to wait for. It will happen when it happens. It will come and take me home all the way when it so pleases.
Until then... life is here to be fully enjoyed, and MY GOD! I'm SO ENJOYING LIFE for the FIRST TIME in this life time! Every being is a blessing to meet. Every heart is a heart to dissolve in for it is my own heart I sense through others. Every mirror is a joy to look into... to see myself... as beauty and wonder...
And the joy to move... oh... oh... To BE movement on the screen of Stillness... Nothing compares! |
Edited by - emc on Nov 03 2008 04:43:52 AM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2008 : 08:39:13 AM
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Hi emc
Welcome back
Great to hear that you enjoyed the retreat so.
quote:
In an unguarded moment, one might realize all the way to the Absolute, but it's nothing to wait for. It will happen when it happens. It will come and take me home all the way when it so pleases.
Until then... life is here to be fully enjoyed, and MY GOD! I'm SO ENJOYING LIFE for the FIRST TIME in this life time!
I am very happy to hear that!
Joy is the very core itself
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2008 : 12:32:06 PM
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Wow emc. Powerful post. Just wanted to say thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed the read.
Love,
Carson |
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