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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 25 2007 : 11:35:25 AM
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this is a letter i wrote to yogani. if anyone here has any advice regarding this experience, id appreciate it :-)
Hello Yogani.
I have emailed you before and let me thank you again
for your Advanced Yogic Practices. You must truly be
engorged with will and compassion to dedicate so much
time to your work and to answering questions directly.
I know you are busy so feel free to answer this in
your own time.
My question regards an experience I had a couple days
ago and I would like some advice on what to do from
now on. It regards a drug-induced...or rather
drug-enabled kundalini experience. If you would like
to post this in the forum that is fine.
Basically, four days ago I smoked marijuana and
something very interesting occurred. Now, just for
background I have smoked marijuana very rarely every
now and then as somewhat of a sacrament as I find it
sometimes gives me the kick in the a** I need
sometimes spiritually. Since I began AYP a couple
months ago my usage has really dropped. I used to
smoke quite often until I had a bad first experience
with mushrooms in which I had sudden ego death and
felt cosmic loneliness on a crippling scale. Ever
since that day marijuana has completely changed and it
no longer was a fun drug...it became something much
deeper. I would and do experience slight ego-death,
hyperawareness, and I seem to receive interesting
information from an outside source, though I believe
it to be my subconscious "speaking" to me in this open
state. Anyway, I smoked for the first time in weeks
since I really rededicated myself to AYP and
immediately things turned into a dreamlike hyper-real
state and I experienced a lot of bad emotions and
thoughts for about an hour. Everything became
meaningless and I felt everything I do spiritually is
simply a means of escape and is fundamentally
pointless...though I tried to hold steady to my yoga.
I also at this time, and have ever since my mushrooms
trip, experienced muscle twitching as if electrical
and also feel a nice warmth going up through my neck
and back as well as a dramatic increase in breath
sensitivity. I began belly breathing and found it to
be very pleasurable. Anyway, after an hour or so of
this the bad emotions subsided (and I assume the drug
as well) and out of nowhere it hit me that I am meant
to do yoga right now. It simply felt like the right
thing to do. I went inside and began AYP asanas and
immediately realized it was what I needed all along to
divert the energy gone wild in my limbs. Every
movement felt great and I felt every stretch in deep
ways. I also for the first time did a couple bhandas
and mudras and couldn't believe that those things
actually did something! It felt great to do, and
kumbhaka felt great as well. I then did pranayama and
felt energy sensations and had visions when I would
perform sambhavi. Then I had a very long meditation
during which I believe I achieved nearly whole
blissful silence. I couldn’t get enough so then I did
more asanas but found my legs were like jelly. I
wasn’t sure what exactly this was all about until I
remember a website a fellow AYP member sent me called
www.biologyofkundalini.com. I read it and I realized
every symptom was what I was experiencing. I read it
for hours, and felt compelled to lay flat on my bed
for a while and was simply "high" on the feelings I
would get when I would breathe into my solar plexus,
and I felt my heart and chest was expanding. I would
feel a wonderful sensation go up into my face and my
eyes would feel like they want to cry. Mentally, I
also felt very existential and very similar to an acid
trip. I feel like I can’t explain it well enough, but
I'm sure you get the idea. This all ended eventually
when I ate that night, but I still felt vague
sensation.
The next day, the sensation was less, and then the
next day it basically disappeared. Even though I don't
"feel" anything anymore, my bhakti is very much
increased and I feel I finally got the first-hand
verification I had been hoping forever since I began
on ayp. I was always frustrated at my lack of palpable
sensations and phenomena and I feel I was allowed a
sneak-peak of at least considerable fidelity to the
real thing. The interesting thing about that day was
that I felt a strong sense of synchronicity and
realized that everything that has happened has lead up
and cultivated THAT moment in time. That everything
has happened in such a way, seemingly good or bad, so
that this moment may come.
I am timid to discuss this with ayp members because I
do not want my experienced to be invalidated as some
sort of delusion of grandeur simply because it was
enabled by a plant. It is interesting to note that
marijuana only lasts about 45-60 minutes and the whole
experience lasted over 4 hours.
I prepared myself for the idea that the kundalini will
probably become dormant again once it is over, but as
each day went by I nevertheless found myself wanting
it back and becoming somewhat distressed that it is
gone now. I realize that the experience was probably
much too extreme, but I did enjoy it. I have continued
with my practice with increased vigor and dedication
since, but wonder of the nature of the experience I
had and it's relationship to ayp in the present and
future.
Ever since by bad mushroom experience I have acquired
somewhat of an anxiety and fear about ego-death since
I experienced it very harshly and prematurely. When I
heard about Kundalini I always had a “whoa…I don’t
thing I’m gonna go there…” attitude, but during the
experienced I realized what Kundalini really was and
that it is a part of me that cannot be denied, and
that it is beyond good or bad.
I guess it's hard to give one simple question. I’m
sure you can gather that I am kind of confused right
now about the whole thing so any guidance you can give
would be much appreciated.
Thanks again for your time, Yogani. God bless.
--Anthony
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yogani
USA
5201 Posts |
Posted - Jun 25 2007 : 12:06:45 PM
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...and a reply from email. 
Others, please do chime in...
----------------------
Hi Anthony:
Glad to hear things are moving along for you.
Only to remind that drugs do not produce lasting spiritual change beyond initial glimpses and inspiration to engage in spiritual practices. Beyond that, they can be obstructions, both psychological and biological. Our nervous system knows this inside, and that is why the desire for chemical additives goes down as purification goes up with effective practices.
All the best on your path. It takes time, and you have it all in front of you. Practice wisely, and enjoy!
The guru is in you.
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