|
|
 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
VIL
USA
586 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 09 2007 : 4:32:58 PM
|
I haven't posted in some time, due to my brother passing on from a terminal illness a few weeks ago. I know that the soul never dies, but despite this, I still miss him, as we all do when we lose someone close.
I'm having a difficult time with forgiving my mother for her cruel treatment of my brother at the last stages of his life - To the point that she kicked him out two weeks before he passed away, he chose to live with me and my sister, and we were the ones who took care of him at the end of his life.
I'm not sure if he knew where he stood with my mother, who was constantly playing minipulative mind games, didn't bother calling or visiting him until the day he died (a fifteen minute visit) - and actually left him and a half hour later he died in the hospital. Myself and my sister were the ones holding his hand when he passed on and I think that my brother got to the point that he couldn't "fix" my mother who fed off the sympathy of others and was jealous of the attention that my brother got (sadly enough) when ill, and went out of her way to create family rifts and tension months before he passed on.
Anyway, I just want to comment on the word "forgiveness". I know that this topic was brought up by meg a while back and I'm not sure of the details, but I just wanted to say this:
Forgiveness isn't about forgetting. It's not about overlooking an abusive person's behavior and being okay with it, or even making excuses for the behavior. To me, forgiveness is about looking within yourself and loving yourself enough to see things and people how they are and not allowing yourself or others to be victimized by another human being, regardless of your relationship to the individual. It's about self-love and self-respect.
VIL
|
Edited by - VIL on Jun 09 2007 4:42:50 PM |
|
|
Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2007 : 5:31:26 PM
|
| Beautiful post, VIL. The deeper I look into forgiveness, the more clearly I see that it has to do with the condition of one's heart. The ability to forgive is the ability to let go of control...it's all fear-based and ego-oriented. I'm really sorry for your loss. |
 |
|
|
Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2007 : 5:58:25 PM
|
When people are in pain they often don't want to accept their part in the cause, so they externalize or project it out in the form of blame. They attack who they blame to protect what they think is under attack. They only think it because they are attributing their pain to something outside their own chemistry.
It is tempting for us to look outside ourselves for a source of pain. Most times our perception of life is hurting our heart. It is something we are doing and we have to address our outlook.
People can lose touch with themselves, unable to see how they are acting in the eyes of others.
Forgiveness is the dissolution of an illusory relationship.
Hopefully things process smoothly for you. It is good that you have an arsenal of technique to help you stay in your place of stillness.
|
Edited by - Kyman on Jun 09 2007 6:06:13 PM |
|
|
|
Balance
USA
967 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2007 : 6:56:17 PM
|
Thanks for sharing your experience and your great insight into forgiveness.
Peace and love,
Alan |
|
|
|
NagoyaSea
424 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2007 : 12:51:49 AM
|
Vil, I am so sorry. I'm glad that you and your sister were able to be with your brother and care for him. May you and your sister find peace and healing in the days that come.
light and love,
Kathy |
|
|
|
Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2007 : 07:44:14 AM
|
Hi Vil
I am sorry for your loss.
Bless you for being here for him, when your mother couldn't.
Through this you gave both him, your family (including your mother) and yourself the love and care needed for his passing.
Thank you for sharing this. |
|
|
|
Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2007 : 10:29:18 AM
|
What Kyman said is very pertinent. The emotional pain your mother feels inside probably IS as bad as what your brother went through. She is probably angry at everyone for not seeing that, while at the same time thinking everyone else is causing it.
So she does have an illness of her own. A pain that can only get worse because the ones causing it are unaware of what they are doing. Or so she believes.
The most difficult people to give unconditional love to are those that can't receive it. |
|
|
|
Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2007 : 11:17:43 AM
|
Thank you for your sharing Vil, glad to have you back.
Wise words from Kyman and others, forgiveness will mean something different for each of us, but we are doing ourselves the greatest help by finding it within us. To me forgiveness is realizing there was nothing to forgive in the first place, the situation seemed to work out in a wonderful way with your brother receiving the love and care from you and your sister.
Best wishes to you and your family.
|
|
|
|
Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2007 : 10:52:30 PM
|
Try this (and, btw, add my condolences to the chorus)
You are probably aware that "namaste" means "I salute the light [aka silence] within you". You don't salute the personality, the behavior, the accomplishments, the decisionmaking, the strengths or weaknesses. You salute the part of someone that is divine: the silent awareness which is identical within each of us. It is self saluting self, a cosmic dance within unity.
Try applying the same perspective to the concept of forgiveness. Look way past the tangle of human drives and neuroses and baggage that makes people seem to behave poorly. Find your way to your mom's basic common denominator - silence - and love and resonate with that. At that level, there's really nothing to forgive anyway! From silence we stagger into the conditional world, where we feel ourselves to be nakedly, tragically separate from the love and awareness that are really all we are. We are naked grubs, recoiling and grasping 24/7, wriggling desperately to find our way to wholeness when that's all we've ever been. And behaving weirdly as a result.
With an attitude of namaste from silence (I'd say "your" silence or "your mother's silence", but, again, they are one and the same), where no forgiveness is required, work outward through the branchings, witnessing the myriad reasons for our actions in the conditional world (most of them puny and comical). You'll find it takes only about .00001 calories of spiritual energy to find forgiveness for even horrendous misbehavior. If even that.
Grub-to-grub forgiveness, of course, is a whole different thing. But that's all just drama anyway. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Jun 11 2007 12:32:24 AM |
|
|
|
VIL
USA
586 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2007 : 11:26:19 AM
|
Thank you, all, for your kind words and words of wisdom.
quote:
Kyman: When people are in pain they often don't want to accept their part in the cause, so they externalize or project it out in the form of blame. They attack who they blame to protect what they think is under attack. They only think it because they are attributing their pain to something outside their own chemistry.
Kyman, I've recently discovered that this philosophy is held by many renown self-help authors, as a way of directing others toward the path to forgiveness.
Accepting responsibility for another person's actions is an erroneous perception shared among most victims of any type of abuse, is self-blame, creates guilt and a whole slew of other problems that need undoing - and is one of the worst things that a person can do to themselves.
The confusion with this concept has to do with a couple of things that need clarifying. One, our chemistry that is fundamentally the same within all, our Divinity, as Jim said, or true Self, is above cause and affect and free of the trappings of suffering. It is wrong to think that accepting part in a cause, or another's actions, will lead anyone to forgiveness. Two, within ourselves, we are all blameworthy when we purposefully hurt another person and are caught within the ego gratification of fulfilling an unmet desire at the expense of another person. Not in the sense of feeling anger or any of the other ego trappings, but understanding and seeing people's behaviors, not that that's who they are, at the core, but loving and respecting ourselves enough not to make excuses for, or subjecting ourselves to, any individual displaying the aforementioned negative behavior regardless of relation.
That's how I feel at the moment. It may change in time, I don't know, since I'm not realized and as Anthem11 stated that there are many aspects to forgiveness.
VIL
|
|
|
|
darrylc
Australia
9 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2007 : 8:48:14 PM
|
Hi Vil,
quote:
Originally posted by VIL
I'm having a difficult time with forgiving my mother for her cruel treatment of my brother at the last stages of his life
I heard some very wise words on just this topic the other day. Try thinking of it like this, there is an 'Actor' and an 'Action' in any wrong doing. We can still love the Actor of wrongdoing to us or others, it is just their erroneous Action we oppose. That is the meaning of forgiveness, we still care for the Actor and wish them all the happiness in the world, just that we do not agree with the Action that was taken. We oppose the Action not the Actor of that Action. Make sense?
quote:
Anyway, I just want to comment on the word "forgiveness". I know that this topic was brought up by meg a while back and I'm not sure of the details, but I just wanted to say this:
Forgiveness isn't about forgetting. It's not about overlooking an abusive person's behavior and being okay with it, or even making excuses for the behavior.
Right. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. If the Action does not agree with our moral values/ethics/harms someone ...etc then we need to oppose the Action NOT the Actor of that action. We don't forget the Action taken, but we forgive the Actor for making a mistake with thier Actions. Sometimes we can educate the Actor to see the error of their ways, but it's tricky, they need to be ready to learn, you can't force it.
It sounds like your Mum has a whole mess of karmic problems to get through, she will be suffering in her own way as well.
Hope that helps somewhat,
Condolences and I sympathise with you,
all the best
darryl |
|
|
|
NagoyaSea
424 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2007 : 10:43:49 PM
|
Well said Darryl.
Kathy |
|
|
|
Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2007 : 12:37:42 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by VIL
To me, forgiveness is about looking within yourself and loving yourself enough to see things and people how they are and not allowing yourself or others to be victimized by another human being, regardless of your relationship to the individual. It's about self-love and self-respect.
VIL
Hi VIL,
My sincere condolences on your brother's passing. These types of situations are major in any family, especially when complicated by the kinds of relational issues you describe. My mother died less than two years ago, in the midst of family circumstances that seemingly had at least similar volatility to yours, so I do empathize very sincerely.
And I do appreciate your post; this thread is both powerful and important.
And you have my inherent respect and friendship as a fellow AYP Sangha member.
For all those reasons, I respectfully disagree with your definition of Forgiveness given above. I don't disagree with your comments concerning self-respect; I just don't see those attitudes or outlooks as describing true forgiveness, and its genuine power.
When properly understood, Forgiveness can be realized as the key which allows us to access the fundamental power of Life itself; of the Divine, itself - of this Divine Self in which we "live, and move and have our being" as the Christian teacher Paul says in the Bible.
Respected spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson goes as far as to say that Forgiveness is the very purpose of human life, itself. As does her co-teacher and fellow author connected with A Course in Miracles, Jerry Jampolsky, who gives the key to Forgiveness in the title of his first book, "Love is Letting Go of Fear".
Forgiveness is not actually something given by one ego, to another, in recognition that it (the first ego) has deemed that the second ego warrants an acknowledgement that the first ego's perception of the second ego's alleged wrongdoing may not warrant eternal hatred or contempt. This isn't actually forgiveness ... it's more of a mixed-up, pain-producing, exceptionally distorted bad dream, that most of us have been conditioned can be equated to the term "forgiveness". We've been taught that if our ego perceives something as wrong enough, that we can appoint ourselves as judge, jury and possibly executioner.
I am truly not judging this outlook or approach as bad in any way, though I will comment that in my experience, that if and when this approach is used, suffering and discomfort will likely ensue.
So, in circumstances where suffering and discomfort are the goals, this way of perceiving "forgiveness" can be very, very useful.
If peace, healing and harmony with reality are the goals, I would humbly recommend another approach. Granted, it's one that I have only seen work 100% of the time ... but maybe it's worth a try.
Forgiveness is nothing more nor less than letting yourself out of prison by accepting life as it is.
All it involves is releasing one's life-cramping grip on the constricted thoughts and emotions which are the ego's active statement of resistance to the way things are.
Just let go.
That's all.
Just let go.
Really let go.
This is just a guess - but I'd say it's possible - even likely, that more Peace, Love and Light than you've ever dared dream possible will present themselves as yours for the taking ... right in the very heart of your current circumstances (for in Reality, they can be found nowhere else).
And VIL, I'm not preaching from "on high" - I know it can be tough; unspeakably so. All kinds of deep psychological and emotional stuff can be messily intermingled with genuine grief, and a desperate hope for things to be different and better than your ego perceives them to be. It wasn't so long (couple of years, as noted above) that I felt some or all of these things myself.
No, I'm not preaching; I'm simply recommending a different view of Forgiveness for one reason and one reason alone:
Because it works.
It may not give your ego what it thinks it wants, but it will enable an experience of Peace that is likely more vast, real and pervasive than you have previously imagined possible.
Constriction Deepens the Dream.
Release Enables Awareness of Reality.
And please don't misunderstand; I'm not claiming that this is a law, or a principle, as guaranteed as gravity, for instance.
I'm stating that true Forgiveness is a law and a principle that is infinitely more guaranteed than gravity.
If you want to give it a try, here are a couple of pointers:
1. If constriction or discomfort returns, Forgive (Let Go, Allow Things to Be As They Are) again in that moment.
2. If constriction or discomfort does not return, Forgive (Let Go, Allow Things to Be As They Are) again in that moment.
The only caution, of course, is: this approach can be habit-forming, and then, well ... all hope for uphill battles in your life will be gone forever.
Practicing yoga, we realize that there is a Self.
And we realize that this Self is our essential nature.
This Self has certain facets to its essential nature.
Peace is one of them.
Love is another.
Ever-New Forgiveness is another.
Did I mention, by the way, that there is one Self, and it has only one essential facet?
Once we get even a glimpse of this, it's all over but the happy tears of gratitude and contended little laughs at the reality that life is infinitely more fun, wonderful and precious than those thought-tangles we call our egos could ever dare dream.
And by the way, some members of my family don't even speak to me; and as far as I know, never intend to again. I've shed many tears of grief, frustration and anger, not all that long ago.
Can I honestly say that these circumstances, and fractured relationships cause no disturbance in my peace? Can I say that I hold no sense of judgment toward these family members? Can I say that I have no wish whatsoever for things to be even the slightest bit different than they are?
Yes.
Absolutely.
Honestly, I can't even remember what those feelings were really like.
In yogic literature, it is called "Santosha" - contentment; and is written of as being the highest boon and blessing possible. A couple of years ago, I couldn't conceive of this (either having it, or that simple contenment could be that great). It's not that great, really - it's better. Infinitely.
Jesus calls it "the peace which passes all understanding".
There is actually a single truth which summarizes all the great teachings of the world's saints and sages:
They're not kidding.
Holding back from the release of pure forgiveness (letting go, allowing things to be as they are) is akin to remaining in a dark, dank prison cell, when the door is wide open. And there's no guard. And the whole Universe is singing a rousing chorus of, "Yo. Hey you! You're Free! You're Free!"
Best wishes, VIL, very sincerely.
I know it's not easy; truly.
Right up until the instant it becomes easier than we ever dared dream possible.
Did this happen for me right away? Not even close. How long did it take? Don't remember exactly. Some aspects were pretty brutal (seeming, to my ego at the time); there was much stress and suffering.
Forgiveness (Letting Go, Allowing) was but a distant objective, which I knew and understood to work, but which I just couldn't seem to manage to manifest in my own life, do to my ego's misperception concerning the injustice of apparent others.
Thankfully (far beyond words), I had a far deeper motivation (than the desire to continue ongoing suffering for myself and those around me) to realize peace, healing, and the uplifting of all involved.
And I kept up daily yoga practices.
This apparently made roughly all the difference.
Sometime between then and now, Forgiveness did indeed unlock the key to the awareness of the changeless peace which is the source and essence of everything.
I've had minor peace disruptions since then, in various ways.
However, for some strange reason, I can't exactly remember the last time this happened.
And, I've got to tell you, it's not like this peace remains constantly; not at all.
No.
It keeps getting better.
Even when you're sure it's not possible.
Especially when you're sure it's not possible.
Yogananda called it "Ever New Joy".
Why am I going on and on about this?
Because Forgiveness was mentioned.
And true forgiveness is the key, which opens the door ... to ever new joy.
VIL, you've got a circumstance that almost anyone would find challenging.
You've also got the opportunity of many, many lifetimes to realize peace, healing and wholeness far beyond your deepest dreams.
May your inner guru light your way.
Aum Shanti,
Kirtanman |
|
|
|
Chiron
Russia
397 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2007 : 12:48:00 AM
|
| I think deep down your mother loved your brother very much and still does. She loves you and your sister as well. But she can't express it properly because of psychological obstructions. |
|
|
|
VIL
USA
586 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2007 : 08:58:52 AM
|
Thank you, darryl, Kirtanman and Chiron. I really appreciate the words of wisdom.
Kirtanman, my friend, there is so much truth to your post that I'm going to have to refer back to it. It's going to take some time to be more objective and to work on myself and learn more about forgiveness. As you said, it's going to take time, but I'm willing to try to look at it from all perspectives.
Thanks again,
VIL |
|
|
|
Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2007 : 11:33:31 AM
|
Hi VIL,
I am sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you and your brother.
Everyone here has given great advice on how to forgive. I will add my own 2 bits if you don't mind....
Forgiveness IMO is a very egoic word.. when I say I forgive you.. my ego is happy.. "I am above you.. that even though you hurt me.. I am better than you and I will pardon your misgivings".. Or when I say.. "I can never forgive you".. my ego is again sitting there with pride.. "I am above you.. and you cannot get away with treating me the way you did"... So in both cases.. forgive or not forgive is very ego driven. The real release will come when you are at a place (that can be reached with meditation and self inquiry) from where you look at the situation and say.. "There really is nothing to forgive or not forgive. It is what it is."
With Yoga and self inquiry.. you come to realize.. that karma is going to unfold.. it is upto us how we want to live through it. We can resist and hold on to our illusions of control.. or let go and accept things as they come. We learn to see a situation .. and accept it and move on.. or cling onto it and suffer. Any situation.. good or bad, that comes our way, when accepted from a central/neutral place.. where .. you don't have to love it (if it is not a good situation).. and yet you don't have to hate it. It is just there.. it is what it is.. and it is your choice to accept and let go.. or resist and let the negative feelings build.
Yoga will not change the world.. that is not what it is there for (although it may.. not sure..).. but it will change YOU.. your perspectives on life.. the way you see the world.. And now I am going to say the words you really dislike (sorry!!).. "Everything is perfect as it is"... How? Because it "is".. Reality of all the bad in the world is just "there".. and like I said.. yoga will teach you to be at a place where you don't have to love it.. and yet don't have to hate it.. be centered.. and from this place.. where you look at things without either extreme feelings attached.. you can take action and do things that are not affected by attachment or aversion.
So how does it fit into forgiveness.. or lack of.. well.. when you can see what happened between your brother and mother.. for what it is.. something between your brother and mother.. you can free yourself of the guilt that you should have been able to change the situation or she should have handled the situation differently.... Your mother is living through her karma.. your brother lived through his.. you are living your own.. and you have a choice of accepting it and moving on.. or clinging onto it and hoping and wishing you could have somehow changed things so your mother could have shown more love and care.. Remember, it is not our job to change anyone else.. we do have the choice of introducing people to the tools.. but it is their choice what they want to do with it.. Our responsibility is towards improving ourselves.. and when we are centered.. we will automatically be making decisions that will help others around us.
Not sure if this helps at all. But this has helped me a lot.. There were times I have said I forgive so-and-so.. but I realized.. every time I thought of all the wrongs that happened.. it still got back feelings of hate, sorrow, hurt, "why me?".. Well then, that was not forgiveness.. till I came to a point when I realized everyone is doing the best they can with their life, including me.. and the situation is what it is.. and I have a choice of opening, accepting, letting go and moving on.. or clinging on.. I chose the first.. wasn't easy.. but once you "get it" .... there is no turning back.. it becomes second nature.. (Try it with small things that annoy you at first..)
PS: This in no way means you sit and let the world abuse you and walk all over you.. You still take action.. but when you do it without attachment or aversion.. you just make decisions from your inner silence... and your silence always knows .. it's just a matter of staying centered.. and trusting this truth that comes up, accepting and letting go. Inner silence can be a deadly weapon.. when you learn how to use it... or better still.. let go and let it(inner silence) do it's thing :). |
Edited by - Shanti on Jun 22 2007 11:40:38 AM |
|
|
|
clk1710
92 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2007 : 12:18:32 PM
|
VIL, this is the first time i'm reading this thread...
i just wanted to say that i'm sorry for your loss... be sure to take good care of yourself and be kind to yourself during this difficult time. i wish you and your family much healing and hope during this time... God bless |
|
|
|
Kyman
530 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2007 : 12:56:20 PM
|
Hi Vil,
Check out a book called, Love Poems from God. If reading relaxes you and you want an extra book to check to read along with your all time fav's, you can get an idea of this book by checking out this link. I highly recommend it.
The ultimate goal is to stay close to our center and I think this collection of poems captures that vibration. Whatever is right for you to heal should be revealed in that place.
Warm Wishes.
|
Edited by - Kyman on Jun 22 2007 1:06:47 PM |
|
|
|
VIL
USA
586 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2007 : 12:13:22 PM
|
Thank you, clk1710.
Kyman, thanks for the heads up on the book of poems. I'll have to check it out.
Shanti,
Wow, awsome post.
I guess I have a problem with the whole karma from another lifetime thing that I am reassesing, but it would make sense that if I let go of trying to control the situation, whether internally or externally, and let it be, knowing that this is how things are supposed to be, I'd feel better.
I was wondering if you or anyone else has any links about reincarnation and karma that I could look over, or was wondering what your view of reincarnation is?
Thank you, all, again, for your kind words and help:
VIL |
|
|
|
yogibear
409 Posts |
|
|
Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2007 : 10:23:34 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by VIL
I guess I have a problem with the whole karma from another lifetime thing that I am reassesing, but it would make sense that if I let go of trying to control the situation, whether internally or externally, and let it be, knowing that this is how things are supposed to be, I'd feel better.
When someone is born in a family that believes in God.. and majority of the community s/he grows up in believes in God.. then chances are really high that they will believe in God.. and if someone asks them.."why do you believe in God?" Chances are high they will say "Because I just do." .. kinda faith.. right? Well me believing in re-incarnation is something like that.. born in a family and grew up in a community where majority of people believe in re-incarnation.. so it is like a faith thing for me. But I rarely, consciously think of it..
In my post above.. I was not thinking of re-incarnation when I said "karma unfold".. actually I wasn't even thinking of "karma" really.. the better word to describe what I was thinking would be to say "life unfolds".
I think you have got it by this one statement.. "if I let go of trying to control the situation, whether internally or externally, and let it be, knowing that this is how things are supposed to be".. that is what I believe in too. Things that will happen, will happen. There is little control we have over that. Sorry.. there is no control we have over that.. So that is where the accepting and letting go comes in. Trying to control a life that is really not under our control is like the kid trying to drive the car with a toy steering wheel.. Ref: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....D=2202#18649
quote:
Originally posted by Jim and His Karma
Our ego is like a toddler steering his toy steering wheel with great attention in the passenger seat as daddy drives. We feel disoriented, angry, and disappointed that the car keeps turning when we don't, and that our turns often have no effect. It's a nauseating disconnection. But there are enough random coincidences (I steer my toy wheel and the car really does go that way) to keep us hooked to the delusion for our entire bloody lives.
Let go of the chintzy little plastic toy steering wheel, already.
Couple of things that helped me with this:
Tolle and people at the forum say.. "Live in the Now".. it was a challenge.. and I went through a period of frustration trying to do that. Till I realized.. (and this is my understanding of the "Now".. I may be wrong.. but it has helped me.).. living in the present did not mean "Lock" your mind to the present. You can still think of the past.. good and bad.. but don't live in the past. Think about the future.. plan for the future.. but I don't build castles in the air.. Future includes later this afternoon, tomorrow, a week from today, your retirement.. make a list of to-dos, a plan... but don't get attached to that list.. If things don't go as planned.. accept and let go.
Katie's statement.. "When you argue with reality, you lose 100 percent of the time".
I have never managed to change the reality of things (and believe me I tried).. good or bad.. and if I ever did succeed in changing something.. it was my false sense of control (like when the child with the toy steering wheel turns left and his father happens the turn the car left at the same time.. he thinks he is controlling the car). Resisting/clinging/arguing/closing up(in fear of being hurt)/fighting reality, has never helped.. and never will.
So the best you can do is (I hope you are not tired of hearing the same thing again and again).. watch life unfold, allow, accept and let go...
Thanks VIL for listening:)
|
|
|
|
VIL
USA
586 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2007 : 3:44:11 PM
|
Thanks, yogibear, I appreciate the links:
Okay, Shanti, I get your point. Thanks for clarifying:
VIL |
|
|
|
Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2007 : 6:09:54 PM
|
Great Posts Shanti,
quote:
Resisting/clinging/arguing/closing up(in fear of being hurt)/fighting reality, has never helped.. and never will.
So the best you can do is (I hope you are not tired of hearing the same thing again and again).. watch life unfold, allow, accept and let go...
This kind of approach certainly helped me when my brother died. I think it is the key to many things in life, not just dealing with death.
Christi
|
|
|
|
VIL
USA
586 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2007 : 12:09:35 PM
|
I've since reconciled with my mother and decided to let what happened just be and to listen to her perspective on the situation. It wasn't easy, but I wanted to make sure that it was something that I wanted, was ready, to do, from my heart, and not from the attitude that it would be good for karma or spiritual growth, but because I love her and needed to do some soul searching and let go of the need to rationalize every nuiance, of what happened, or expect an explanation.
I dunno, it's a start. We're working on it.
VIL
P.S. - Thanks for everyone's help/feedback. |
Edited by - VIL on Jul 18 2007 12:22:33 PM |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
| AYP Public Forum |
© Contributing Authors (opinions and advice belong to the respective authors) |
|
|
|
|
Death
