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Late Bloomer
Canada
22 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 18 2017 : 5:00:58 PM
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Hi again, all. I currently seem to be going through my most intense case of overloading so far, and I was wondering if I could ask advice on how to proceed. I'll put my questions in bold.
I've practised AYP for about 4 months now. I have been most stable at 10 minutes of Deep Meditation + 6-8 minutes rest (usually at least the full 8 minutes in the morning since I'll also have done certain upa-yoga stretches beforehand). Past attempts to increase time (typically adding at increments of something like +2 minutes per week) were all failures; emotional overload symptoms within a few days. I honestly don't know if I just have loads of purification to do before I can hope to do 20 minutes, or if the fact of my sensitivity means 10 minutes is a permanent maximum for me. Should I just give up on one day being able to do a 20 minute meditation + 10 minutes SBP? I would be satisfied with this, except it seems I only experience stillness during the day and not during meditation (as far as I'm aware). I suspect stillness in meditation might be hard to achieve in only 10 minutes. I know we don't do this for the experience in meditation, but the lessons always reference "rising stillness" in meditation first, and THEN it becomes more noticeable in daily life. But then again perhaps I'm doing it wrong. (Please see below.)
From April 1st-14th I successfully introduced 3 minutes of SBP (accordingly increasing rest time). Everything smooth and no problems during that time. (Usually if I'm going to overload, it happens within a few days.) April 15th-16th, I increased my meditation time to 12 minutes and that seems to have thrown everything haywire. I've been experiencing my most intense overload symptoms ever, since yesterday. Needless to say I cut everything back. No SBP since yesterday evening and DM is 5-7 minutes for now. Thankfully I'm back down to only the mildest symptom at this time, light burning mostly in my spine, but yesterday things got pretty wild (for me at least).
I've read every relevant lesson/thread I know of on how to do DM properly, but I suppose it's possible I'm still doing it wrong. Can I get advice on this? I know I'm not the only one who can't stop controlling my breathing in meditation, but that's part of a problem I've had since childhood (as soon as somebody mentions breathing or a thought of it pops into my head, my automatic breathing stops) and I've never been able to shake (I'm 39). I just try to keep my focus on the mantra anyway. Usually it aligns with breathing/heartbeat/both (not on purpose) and tends to become more of a "yam-yam-yam" chant in my head than "I am" or "ayam." (I can't really tell if the "a-" is there before the "yam" part or not, tbh.) Lately I've been trying to see if I can nudge more of an "ayam" out of that pattern, at least, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea to mess with it. Help?
(note: currently my plan is to keep self-pacing at under 10 minutes DM until things smooth out, then I'll try going back to the 10 minute DM and then that + 3 minute SBP and give up on adding more time to either for at least a few months if not longer.) |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2017 : 6:37:12 PM
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HI Late Bloomer
It sounds like you're doing pretty well, especially in recognising your overload early and finding the right level of practice for you.
quote:
Originally posted by Late Bloomer
I honestly don't know if I just have loads of purification to do before I can hope to do 20 minutes, or if the fact of my sensitivity means 10 minutes is a permanent maximum for me. Should I just give up on one day being able to do a 20 minute meditation + 10 minutes SBP?
The fact that you do well on 10 minutes of meditation doesn't mean you have more purification to do that other people. All it means is that 10 minutes of meditation go a long way for you. Being sensitive to practices is not a fault. It's not a problem either, as long as you know where you stand and gauge your practice accordingly. Overdoing would be a problem. You are making progress as fast as it is practically possible. That is just right. No one ever said that sensitive practitioners make slower progress than everyone else. That would not be true. So relax and keep practicing at your level of comfort.
quote:
Originally posted by Late Bloomer
it seems I only experience stillness during the day and not during meditation (as far as I'm aware).
That is just right. What you experience in daily life should be your guide. What we experience in meditation changes over time. We approach our meditation sessions with no expectations that they would produce this or that state. Simply follow the procedure, that is all.
quote:
Originally posted by Late Bloomer
I know I'm not the only one who can't stop controlling my breathing in meditation
Breadth can compete with the mantra for many months after starting mantra meditation. It's early days for you after only 4 months of AYP. Threat the breath as you'd treat any other thought or sensation in meditation - let it be and easily return to paying attention to the mantra.
quote:
Originally posted by Late Bloomer
tends to become more of a "yam-yam-yam" chant in my head than "I am" or "ayam"
You might be losing the first sound of AYAM, but since you're not certain, I would suggest you carry on following the instructions as best you can while staying relaxed about it. It will become clearer and iron itself out over the next weeks and months of practice.
quote:
Originally posted by Late Bloomer
currently my plan is to keep self-pacing at under 10 minutes DM until things smooth out, then I'll try going back to the 10 minute DM and then that + 3 minute SBP and give up on adding more time to either for at least a few months if not longer.
Sounds good. If you find that going back to 10 minutes of mantra meditation takes a long time, you might want to read Yogani's suggestions for over-sensitive meditators, here: http://www.aypsite.org/367.html
Enjoy your practice You're making good progress.  |
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Late Bloomer
Canada
22 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2017 : 8:08:54 PM
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Hi BlueRaincoat.
Your response put some doubts to rest that have been hounding me for some time. Thanks so much. 
Maybe I will also try to reconnect with my own patience ( ), and ground myself better. |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2017 : 8:25:24 PM
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Hello LB,
The answers are all within your post. The ultimate goal is stillness in daily life. So turbulent times during the meditation is no problem in that sense. Having said that, modifying things in haste will only leave you confused and slow down your progress. The interval between any changes should be months/years rather than days/weeks. Maybe these symptoms will settle down over time. You may also experiment with a gap/rest between your upa-yoga and meditation and see if things are any better.
Anyway, keep us informed about your progress. Wishing you the very best. |
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Late Bloomer
Canada
22 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2017 : 10:55:45 PM
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Hello jusmail.
Yes, there certainly has been a lesson for me here in making changes too soon (), but thankfully the most extreme symptoms ended yesterday. Clearly weeks are not much better than days as "test" intervals, so I will be applying more patience, and not making major changes less than a month apart anymore for returning from self-pacing, and at least 2-3 months (if not way more) for adding anything completely new. 
Good night/day, all!
*edit* forgot to say, I am also trying your suggestion about splitting the upa-yoga away. I tried doing it before my morning shower (and the rest afterward) today. I'll try to keep that up. |
Edited by - Late Bloomer on Apr 19 2017 10:08:21 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2293 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2017 : 4:19:06 PM
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Look at the bright side: meditating for only ten minutes frees up twenty minutes of your day!  You are definitely purifying in those ten minutes, so don't fret about "falling behind", for you this seems to be the right pace. Over time, when feeling stabilized, you can always increase duration for minutes at a time, no more, so you don't overdo.
By the way "yam" is associated with the heart chakra, so if you are feeling particularly emotional after meditating using yam, this might be the cause. Try your best to stay with the AYAM as best as you are able. |
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Late Bloomer
Canada
22 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2017 : 08:49:47 AM
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I had indeed been hoping 10 minutes was all I needed ( ), but had doubts as mentioned above.
Previous times I've overloaded were definitely more emotional ones (particularly irritability), and maybe the "yam-yam-yam" thing is why. I've gradually been improving at "watching" upsurges of emotion though so maybe that's why this time it was much more of an energetic (and at one point even perceptual) surge. (Eventually, when the time comes that I'm ready to add SBP back in, I will start at two minutes instead of three!) |
Edited by - Late Bloomer on Apr 20 2017 7:09:30 PM |
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joseph
117 Posts |
Posted - May 15 2017 : 08:16:27 AM
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Hey Late Bloomer. I'm in the same boat. 10 minutes of DM is plenty for me. Something which I've added to the routine recently, right at the end, after rest even, is to 'pace' up and down on my yoga mat (where I meditate). I move my arms around as well and just loosen up and warm up a little bit. Gentle movement like this, for 2-5 minutes after rest, seems to smooth things out. Try it and see if it works for you. I also rest, sitting, for 10 minutes after DM. It used to be just 3 but that was insufficient.
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Late Bloomer
Canada
22 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2017 : 8:38:57 PM
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Hi joseph, sorry for the late reply! I appreciate the suggestions and I'll definitely try out your post-DM yoga mat exercises. I think I already get enough rest after meditation as long as I keep it up at least half as long as my time spent repeating the mantra, if not longer.
Currently I have Insight Timer set to alert me at the end of 1 minute (no mantra), 8 minutes (mantra), and 6 minutes (rest). I rest lying down now, and it feels more refreshing/rejuvenating to me than sitting (which I did used to do in the beginning to avoid falling asleep). It shouldn't be long now till I'm back at 10 minutes again. :) |
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Oversensitive? Doing it wrong? Both?
