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perksco
USA
1 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 18 2015 : 11:16:15 PM
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| Hi, I don't know how to start but here it is. Kundalini awakened spontaneously in me about 18 years ago. This happened after an earnest and heart felt prayer to God to awaken and not feel the pain that life was at that time. Little did I know what was going to happen. After many years of energetic changes and phenomenal experiences, seeing "Gurus" and other people on the path, I have found that this process has ultimately flattened all of my desires, fears, goals and any desire to live in this world anymore. I realize that is part of the process but I have no impetus behind me anymore to do anything, go to work, have a regular life...nothing. I asked for the biggie and it has been a wild ride and now I feel just complety lost and without direction and support. No Teacher here for my process now. My path has become very non-dual, I follow Adayshantis teachings and that is very helpful, it makes all the sense in the world to me. But it is so Alone...I am reaching out for some wise words right now. Any help is appreciated. I am in Ashalnd, Oregon, there are a variety of spiritual people here but I still feel so lost in this process. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 02:07:10 AM
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| Welcome to the forum. Don't feel let down. There is a higher purpose to all we go through. Restart practices and serve your community the best you can. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 03:10:39 AM
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Welcome perksco to the forum,
Yogani wrote some beautiful lessons, you received them from Sey.
Sorry, I do not have wise words, but your words resonate with me. We all are Alone....but at the same time sharing. Non duality is everything included.
Feel welcome and share your feelings, it helps.  
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 06:15:42 AM
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| Welcome Perkso, so sorry to hear of your condition. I second Jusmail, meditation and service are a good prescription; by helping others you lighten your dark night by expressing efforts and energy outwardly. The gratitude you receive, your interaction with others, the possibility of new friendships will certainly lighten your mood. This forum is also another opportunity for you to chime in with your experience to others in need, so stick around, friend |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 07:14:24 AM
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HI perksco
Sending prayers your way 
This too shall pass - you know it.
Do you have an Ishta?
Also what does is feel like when you do things for others?
And are you noticing that the barrier the ego used to put between you and the rest is now gone? One day you will notice it's not loneliness, but a different kind of togetherness. Could be any day now. |
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Omsat
Belgium
267 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 09:10:16 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by perksco
Hi, I don't know how to start but here it is. Kundalini awakened spontaneously in me about 18 years ago. This happened after an earnest and heart felt prayer to God to awaken and not feel the pain that life was at that time. Little did I know what was going to happen. After many years of energetic changes and phenomenal experiences, seeing "Gurus" and other people on the path, I have found that this process has ultimately flattened all of my desires, fears, goals and any desire to live in this world anymore. I realize that is part of the process but I have no impetus behind me anymore to do anything, go to work, have a regular life...nothing. I asked for the biggie and it has been a wild ride and now I feel just complety lost and without direction and support. No Teacher here for my process now. My path has become very non-dual, I follow Adayshantis teachings and that is very helpful, it makes all the sense in the world to me. But it is so Alone...I am reaching out for some wise words right now. Any help is appreciated. I am in Ashalnd, Oregon, there are a variety of spiritual people here but I still feel so lost in this process.
Hi percsco,
You have a choice in your approach to life.
The non-dual philosophy has probably made you enquire into anything you do, to the point of making you disinterested in any of your actions. You now may also feel a disinterest in the enquiry process itself.
It is possible to engage in regular activities without interest, but obviously as your energy is not invested there, you won't feel impetus.
Duality is part of non-duality. You can feel free to embrace it and feel more lively again, if you so wish.
Sports and goal-orientedness will bring the feeling of engagement back into your life, as they would redirect your energies to manipura and muladhara chakra.
My advice would be to just keep one goal, fitness related as this will contribute to your sanity and ground your energies, and continue on your elan, further releasing. Release the feeling of aloneness as you released your desires before.
It is common to experience what you go through when releasing desires one by one. With this approach, the hardest part comes in the later stages.
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 09:38:32 AM
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Hi perksco,
Welcome to the forums. I understand what you are going through. It's a phase. Service is a great way to divert the attention from your state. Just do the next thing that needs to be done. I'm not familiar with Adyashanti's formal teachings. If you are listening to his spiritual videos then I would stop for right now. Have you read AYP lessons? I cannot recommend it enough if you are striving for a balanced life.
Sunyata |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 09:40:44 AM
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Omsat makes a very good point about grounding.
Taking up a fitness routine has worked wonders for me too. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 12:12:48 PM
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Adyashanti is a recipe for non-relational self-inquiry, leading to excess detachment, leading to a stifling of a full flowering of enlightenment (ecstatic bliss, an outpouring of divine love, and relational inquiry).
AYP is a recipe for success on multiple levels due to the fact that AYP doesn't rely heavily on mental algorithms, but rather on tried-and-true methods that align body, mind, and spirit for optimal purification and opening of the nervous system.
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2015 : 1:06:02 PM
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Omsat,
Excellent reply. Yeah, what he said. |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2015 : 08:39:14 AM
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Hi Perksco
Sort of echoing BlueRaincoat and Omsat, the two things that imo will help most are grounding and having an Ishta. (Will go into more detail in a moment.) That said, I believe it is absolutely essential for you to accept what you call this flattening. You do realize that what you are describing is the highly prized state of equanimity? Which many, if not most, spiritual aspirants crave at some point in their spiritual path. I do anyway. However, in my case, it has been best to ignore the craving and get on with life, as the craving has merely kept it far away... and it is only through detachment (which is also evident in your path), that even a semblance of equanimity is approached. Therefore you might perhaps be rejoicing, as you have seemingly effortlessly reached the state for which so many of us are striving.
Now, if you can at least somewhat appreciate and accept the enviable stage to which you have arrived ...
There is much you can do to alleviate your distress and cultivate joy. That joy will lie in re-establishing a solid ground and loving gratitude for the miracle which is your body. imo. This is only my opinion. Any state of joy is at least partially and intricately rooted in caring for our physical vehicle - grounding and appreciating it. You needn't be obsessed with the body, but sometimes we can't take the body for granted anymore. Usually the places where we most feel suffering is in the body and emotions.
Having an Ishta, and being devoted to that One, will undoubtedly speed you beyond the illusion of a separate awareness. The above member contributions are indicative of the fact that several have picked up on something which could be described thusly: You have apparently become rather stuck in a separate awareness. Which means that the state of equanimity you have attained isn't serving you properly. That is because it is only half-baked at this point. You've reached an advanced stage and then stopped. As others have implied, please do keep on going. You can't stop and rest, not yet. Just a little further and then you can rest. The bottom line is that, at this point, either you have an Ishta or you don't. And if you don't, then that option for spiritual healing isn't available to you. At this time. Perhaps in future you will have one. Devotion to guru will suffice if there is no Ishta. Alternatively, you may derive benefit and comfort from deeply examining your concept of the divine. Do you have any role models?...i.e., is there anyone whom you admire and would like to emulate?
I have attempted all manner of grounding techniques. You should acquaint yourself with ALL of them, as some will provide more comfort than others. And different techniques work better at different times, so they should all be tried and evaluated for effectiveness. Personally my issue is with an overactive mind. Anything that slows down the mind serves me very well to alleviate most discomfort. And what works best in this regard is breath meditation. There is a routine, but I also resort to focusing on breathing whenever it is needed to induce calm and joy... and get me back in touch with my body. Paying attention to my breathing has caused me to go beyond taking my body for granted. The breath is deeply connected with life, and with remaining alive. Attending to the breath develops an appreciateion for the body. We must, of course, go beyond identifying with the body, but it is common sense to know that the body must be placated or it will cause problems. If we neglect it, or treat it poorly, we will pay the price in misery. And we must also realize the essential illusion of a separate consciousness. It is that illusory separate consciousness which causes terrible misery at the more advanced stages on the path. Where you are finding yourself now.
All the best to you dear friend, above all be patient with yourself.
love
parvati |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2015 : 11:28:25 AM
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Hi Parvati,
You have given such a detailed and lovely advice.
quote:
You do realize that what you are describing is the highly prized state of equanimity?
I disagree with this statement. The state he is describing in Vairagya (dispassion)Equanimity is a balanced state irrespective of what's going on the outside while being actively engaged in the world. Grounding, service and giving everything to the Istha like you mentioned may be the best course of action.
In the end it does not matter what words we use to describe our states. But for the sake of reference, this came through.
Sunyata
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2015 : 9:48:14 PM
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Thank you Sunyata
You have a loving and compassionate way of disagreeing. I think the term equanimity may generally refer to a mature, stable or warm and radiant form of non-attachment (vairagya). My lengthy explanation hopefully conveyed what I felt was a beginning stage of equanimity, and one which is only partially effective, until it is further refined.
Apparently the process of developing equanimity is not an easy one to articulate and it is incredibly sensitive. At some point it seems that one can make a wrong turn, so to speak. Which would be to embrace nihilism or an almost hypnotic apathy towards life. Essentially I think we're all trying to steer Perksco into a more positive, life affirming approach to his spirituality ... and I'm simultaneously acknowledging the advanced state of his difficulty. It's good to know about Vairagya. For what it's worth, wikipedia states - "The Hindu philosophers who advocated vairagya told their followers that it is a means to achieve moksha." According to my research, the terms equanimity and vairagya are very closely related. However equanimity has a slightly more positive connotation and implies a state of completion. Several websites advocated the cultivation of both, without indicating the difference.
love
parvati |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Nov 22 2015 : 10:08:29 AM
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Hi Parvati,
Thank You for such a kind note. You have such a gift of writing-Love reading through your posts.
I really don’t like to be the person debating on spiritual terms but here I am .We may be coming to the same thing from different angles.
Yes, you are right Vairagya and Equanimity have the same component of non attachment. And that Equanimity comes after Vairagya. However, the way of being in each stage is totally different.
In Vairagya you have no attachment and you are just done with the world. Like perksco implies there is no flavor to life
In Equanimity there is non attachment but Life is full and sweet. One sees the divinity in everything/every situation and can’t wait to see how life unfolds. Everyday/Everything is a miracle. You embrace life even the not so fun part and become like a little child in a playground. You don't have complaints or blame others for your suffering.It's full acceptance to what is. Not escaping in transcendence but being here and accepting ones humanness.
The ego is playing a different role in Vairagya and still has a hold on you. In Equanimity- you see your ego for what it is and become buddies.
Equanimity deepens everyday. I'm not sure if there is an end to it.
Looks like perksco understands that it’s a stage. We are all cheering him to move forward. It’s putting one step before the other. Sorry if I went on a tangent, I always end up doing that.
Sunyata
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Edited by - sunyata on Nov 22 2015 10:13:18 AM |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Nov 22 2015 : 12:44:13 PM
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Sunyata
It is not only I who deeply appreciate you taking the time to clarify. Your above comment is a rare gem Quite sure others will feel the same. I'm such a child in the playground. Didn't know that was a good thing..
From my child-like awareness comes a question and will respectfully understand if you don't have the inclination to reply. Being an artist, we acquaint ourselves with both warm and cool colors, their different qualities, and how to use both effectively. This may not be an appropriate analogy, however my question is this: Could it be that Vairagya is cool non-attachment and equanimity warm non-attachment? ... and that is perhaps why several times in research, the cultivation of both is found to be necessary and recommended?
With art, the artist may create from only warm colors (corresponding to equanimity) for a specific painting, but our palette wouldn't be complete without both. For example there is usually a warm red and a cool red to choose from in the color palette. I adore the cool red, but not so much the warm red. My use of the warm red is quite limited, usually for mixing other colors. But huge areas are spashed with the cool red which is lovely to me  .. Could it be that Vairagya is more aloof from life and equanimity more involved ... and both are necessary for balance? Or does one generally let go of Vairagya once the stage of equanimity is stabilized?
Also according to your explanation, people tending toward Vairagya may be refining aversion (moving away from the world) while people tending toward equanimity may be refining attachment (moving toward and into the world).
In gratitude,
love
parvati |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Nov 22 2015 : 10:37:16 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by sunyata
Equanimity deepens everyday. I'm not sure if there is an end to it.
Yesssss... |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2015 : 09:03:52 AM
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Hello parvati,
Just wanted to mention that these things are more beautiful when experienced. There is a part in me that hesitates to post because Being is so much fuller. When the intellect tries to put the knowing in words- Words do not do justice. But I realize we are here to share.
I'm not an artist but I'll try to take a stab at it. I would describe Vairagya as "cold" and Equanimity as "neutral". I'm not sure one can cultivate these stages at will. One continues the practices and everything happens on it's own time.
quote:
With art, the artist may create from only warm colors (corresponding to equanimity) for a specific painting
I feel that the artist in equanimity is the "canvas" and does not differentiate between the cool and warm colors. The artist sees the beauty in both and knows the painting would not be as beautiful if either of them were missing.
quote:
Or does one generally let go of Vairagya once the stage of equanimity is stabilized?
At the stage of Vairagya -the ego is still saying poor me . Equanimity is living in balance with the mind and heart. Seeing everything for what they are and also the hold of "I" starts dropping away slowly. Personally, when looking back at my experience of Vairagya- I realize how selfish I was- thinking of the everything the way I was. However, I cannot speak for everyone. It's not letting go but more of dropping away.
quote:
Also according to your explanation, people tending toward Vairagya may be refining aversion (moving away from the world) while people tending toward equanimity may be refining attachment (moving toward and into the world).
Yes. There is no where else to go after Vairagya only towards Equanimity.
One is not done at Equanimity. The purification continues- The only difference- it does not drag you down in the dumps like before. Or think you are special for whatever reason (visions, knowledge)
I hope this helps. English being my second language- I may not able to explain more clearly.
Sunyata |
Edited by - sunyata on Nov 23 2015 09:18:52 AM |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2015 : 09:58:04 AM
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quote:
I feel that the artist in equanimity is the "canvas" and does not differentiate between the cool and warm colors. The artist sees the beauty in both and knows the painting would not be as beautiful if either of them were missing.
Beautifully said Sunyata
When the artist paints, the colors melt into each other, the artist is gone.....
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2015 : 11:49:58 AM
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quote:
When the artist paints, the colors melt into each other, the artist is gone.....
Yes.. |
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Dark night of the soul
