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kami
USA
921 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 20 2014 : 11:03:23 AM
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This post is to chronicle the ongoing process of discovering and submitting to the innate inner intelligence that presents Itself as the mind-body interface.
About two years ago, I had what might be called an "awakening" experience of simply resting in what is. This occurred while recovering from a significant emotional trauma (significant in retrospect) that brought up long-held issues of abandonment, self-worth, etc. Also in retrospect, it appears that this "awakening" was accompanied/precipitated by Kundalini awakening. The resting in awareness lasted for several weeks, where all the problems of the egoic self vanished.
It was after this that I began to notice severe pain in my legs, making asana practices painful. Nothing could explain the discomfort - no injuries, no outer signs, etc. Just a constant reminder that all was not well. This was a new development for someone who had practiced asanas for two decades, with great pride in their strength and flexibility. Even the quite simple Trikonasana (triangle pose) was torture, while beloved poses like the pigeon and wheel became impossible as the inner thighs and hips protested intensely. After several months of living with it, it became a part of my existence, activities/exercises modified to not exacerbate it. I thought I would have to accept that this would be my new norm.
In 2013, I was led to Tantra, as I've described here. Tantra, the way of Shakti, is represented by the downward pointing triangle, while Yoga, the way of Shiva is denoted by the upward pointing triangle. Tantra is the path of surrender to Grace while classical Yoga the path of self-effort. Eventually, they do cross over, the triangles coming together in the heart as the foundation of the Sri Yantra, or the six-pointed star. In tantric practices, I began to discover the sublimity of surrender, of submission, of the primal importance of listening. My life began to change in incredible ways, every aspect filled with light and love. Yet the pain in my legs continued..
Shortly before the holidays, I sat for my usual puja and what came up was unusual - a request for difficulties so I may see what lay behind the bliss and light. My beloved Ishta always answers my prayers, as I've recounted. Along with circumstantial stuff, the pain in my legs got worse, and finally I was led to research it. I had always suspected that the pain was a result of emotional issues/beliefs I was still holding, but "looking" for it did not yield much. Thus, I decided to work on it the other way around - to coax the muscles to show me.
With the intent to surrender and inquire into those presumed issues, I began to work the deep muscles of the torso (psoas, iliacus, etc) along with the deep tissues of the pelvis, hips and legs. This time, this work was not with the intent to achieve a pose or to regain what was lost, but simply to release. And the effects have been astounding. As those tissues are worked, images and associated feelings come up. Remaining still, with a relaxed and forgiving heart, they are noted and allowed, ignoring the accompanying thoughts and stories.. As they are allowed, the pose deepens; minor postural adjustments bring up stored stuff in incredible ways.
Within two weeks of working this way, the pent up prana in the gut has begun to move down into the legs - a warm, minty flow that was previously missing. As I moved in my own vinyasa from janu sirsasana to baddha konasana (leaning forward with chest and head to floor while holding soles of feet together close to the body, a pose I had given up on) this morning, instead of pain, there was a very pleasurable, luxurious stretch in all those muscles that previously screeched in pain.
This practice of reverential inquiry and surrender to what the body wants is another lesson in humility.. Another lesson in tantra.. Another lesson in bypassing - intuitive openings that do not become embodied but repress issues of the separate self deep within the subconscious mind and the body..
Would love to hear of others' experiences working with asanas in this way..
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2014 : 1:41:44 PM
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Kami
Thanks for the lesson; I was unaware of the triangles/ 6 pt star significance. Terrific you followed your heart and persevered with your healing! I have been using a foam roller to not only loosen knots in my legs but to practice single point awareness and surrendering to the pain discoveries, initiating a relationship them. You are an inspiration!
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kami
USA
921 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 09:44:34 AM
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Thank you Dogboy.
Haven't tried the foam roller, but came across the MELT method recently that uses it. Have you tried it?
It is quite amazing to surrender to the inner voice in asanas - just as I was feeling elated to note the pain in the adductors dissolve, I was gently nudged into the frog pose in my spontaneous vinyasa and bam! another surge of pain within the ligamentous insertion of the gracilis below the knees.. Softening into it brought up further cellular memories and emotional coloring associated with it..
The connection between the mind and body was always evident in indirect ways, in my work with people and within myself. But this direct connection is fascinating. Healing has taken on a different meaning altogether.
Love to you, and thank you for reading the long-winded post. |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 1:23:53 PM
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Hi kami and Dogboy
Although relatively stiff considering I've been practicing yoga for a long time, it is evident from my practice that one does not need to be hugely flexible to gain a lot from yoga.
The area that I've been working on mainly over the past couple of years has been the shoulder and chest area and that is mainly because my shoulders are quite stiff because of lots of certain types of work and sports in my early years, with no stretching.
Despite this stiffness my chest and heart can open quite well and this is often a surprise to yoga teachers. I put this down to my years of meditation practice.
There have been no "new" shifts over the past year but I have had the good fortune to have had very good teachings in Anasura Yoga which really opened my chest and heart during the summer.
I also practice Bikram Hot Yoga for three main reasons. I love the heat,there are no Downward Facing Dogs, which, because of my shoulders I find difficult and because of the many Savasanas in the series, which to me are like Samyama after each pose.
In camel pose within the Bikram series I often have a release of any anxiety I happen to be carrying. I might not realise there is anxiety untill I go into the pose, in the savasana after the camel pose there is a melting of the tension, which is felt in the upper chest. This has been very helpful for me over the past couple of years and is still ongoing at times.
Thanks for the thread kami
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2014 : 01:27:07 AM
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Thank you for posting this, Kami. This is very timely and in parallel to my experience. Since I was a young boy, I've struggled with "nervous legs" during sleep, and since kundalini became more active, there have been times when that particular symptom has become quite exacerbated.
In a similar way to you, I have been compelled to do free-form, improv sessions of asanas, where I don't try to conform to any posture I learned in a yoga class, but rather allow my intuition and the energy flow itself to guide my movements. The creative, physical self-inquiry has been helpful in unwinding constriction in the legs especially.
Also, what's helpful has been surrendering to spontaneous kriyas at night. And that modality is also beyond adhering to a pre-conceived format or shape. It's literally just "going with the flow".
It reminds me more than ever that my body is not my own--to paraphrase the Christian gospels. The spirit is moving. The spirit is grooving. The moment is Now, and God is alive.
Thank you again for this detailed share based on your direct experience. |
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kami
USA
921 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2014 : 06:40:26 AM
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Thank you Sparkle and Bodhi.
There's a commonality in all of our experiences - surrendering will happen, by hook or crook. 
For the first time in years, I am going through physical detox/purification, as a direct result of this type of asana practice - sore throat and cold-like symptoms along with rushes of tingly energy. This had not happened even with adding sitting practices, probably due to blocked prana..
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Inquiry in asana practice - lessons in surrender
