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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 11:36:15 AM
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Why do things not flow?
I try so hard to center again…
So much energy…
So much being pulled to the surface….
I want to go back into my cocoon…
Can I?
Then there is a question…
"Does the energy speak to you? Have you inquired about what it is doing there?"
Why did I not think of this?
I ask....
Why are you here?
Why are you tearing me apart on the inside?
Why can I not move back to stillness?
“I am here to create” it says…
“why do you doubt me?”
“why don’t you just flow with me where I take you?”
"you tear apart within because you try to move in the opposite direction from where I take you..."
“why do you question?”
“have I ever let you down?”
“trust me… and come create with me”
~ Shweta (Feb 23rd 2012)
PS: This is going to fit my next painting soooooo perfectly. 
PPS: A few have read the word "Cocoon" in the words above and have concluded that I have used the word cocoon as somewhere we hide (I think) The cocoon is nothing but the "dispassion phase" that Yogani talks about here: "We call this the dispassion stage. It is the stage of being completely unruffled by anything that happens inside or outside us." A caterpillar enters the cocoon phase and shuts itself in this phase to heal and transform into a butterfly. I see no hiding in this phase. It is a phase just as any other. It comes to us naturally and it is to be treated like any other phase, neither get attached nor push it away. When it's time to move out of this phase it will happen. When I say I would like to move back into my cocoon, I mean I would like to be in a place where I am not ruffled by anything that happens inside or outside of me. But again, Krishna(inner guru, inner silence, whatever you want to call it) would not let that happen... the struggle that the butterfly has to go through in order to get out of the cocoon makes it's wings stronger.. but once a butterfly has left the cocoon, there is no going back into the cocoon. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 11:43:41 AM
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Splendid. Love the aspect of the energy powerfully tearing through you in a mysterious but purposeful direction. That is strong and resonates with my current condition deeply.
Thank you. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 12:03:15 PM
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Grateful it touched you Bodhi Tree.
_/\_
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 12:32:23 PM
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Hey that was useful. I'm learning some songs for a practice session and have been fretting over lack of progress and that just the antidote.
Thanks |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 1:24:33 PM
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Allah [img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
namaste |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 1:39:43 PM
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your beautiful poem Shanti reminded me of the following: when one is really exhausted from unsuccessfully fighting with the rip current, and in order to save his life one will surrender to the current ,just float with it and see where it takes him...it will always take him back to the shore
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mattb23
Australia
99 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 5:54:55 PM
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Both eloquent and penetrating as always Shanti! Thank you
Well, now I shall say 'farewell' again for at least awhile. It's been fun dipping into the creative writing essence of Spirit of late, and sharing in it with all of you as a writer 'and' as a viewer, but the focus is on other Devotional/Self-awareness practices at this time.
Rock on everyone!
Peace be with you.
Namaste |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 8:11:37 PM
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Glad it helped Karl
Ananda, thank you.
Maheswari, yes, very similar to the story you quoted. Thank you my dear.
Thanks for stopping by Matt... do drop in and share again .
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2012 : 3:07:17 PM
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Dear Shanti
Thanks for your open sharing. Hope you don't mind me having a dialogue with your poem...
This is what it stirred in me:
quote:
Why do things not flow?
I try so hard to center again…
So much energy…
So much being pulled to the surface….
Things always flow.....in an endless changing pattern. I can feel stuck though. Walled in or out.
Trying hard never worked for me when it comes to being still.
So much energy....is always too much energy here. I need to self pace. I need grounding when it is like this. I also cannot sit in meditation.
What is pulled to the surface together with all that "comes up" is always my attention. Only that. If my attention is being pulled to the surface, it can also mean that I left that surface for some reason. Otherwise my attention would be with it as well as the silence. Not one to the exclusion of the other. Either way this is true for me. Is there something on the surface (thoughts/emotions/sensations) that I do not want to be with?
quote:
I want to go back into my cocoon…
Can I?
I don´t know.
quote:
Then there is a question…
"Does the energy speak to you? Have you inquired about what it is doing there?"
The energy speaks very loudly here. It is always about volume - never about peace. What actions did I or did I not take (and with what posture), that resulted in all this movement through this nervous system?
quote:
Why are you tearing me apart on the inside?
Why can I not move back to stillness?
When I am in the hands of the energy, then that is the end of the still walk here. Balance is always lost if I let the energy have its way with me. I cannot move back into stillness....I can only let go exactly where I am. So I turn my attention away from the energy. After grounding, that is the next important measure. The energy: Mind it not. Feed it not. Resist it not. I look away from it .....in the sence that I favour getting on with daily living. There is always enough duties lying around.
quote:
“I am here to create” it says…
“why do you doubt me?”
I do not doubt the energy. I doubt myself. That is the truth when I am confused.
quote:
“why don’t you just flow with me where I take you?”
Because there is not two of us. I can only be where I am at all times. Flowing with the energy means leaving myself and the body, and that is not a good idea here. Not at all. Something in me knows this. And wisely tries to tell me so. I resist because my idea of what it is supposed to be like clashes with what is happening. So in the end - the tearing has to happen....it often takes that much yelling before I get the point (I am stubborn)
quote:
“why do you question?”
“have I ever let you down?”
When in conflict it is good to question my take on reality. Very good.
I can always trust that you (the energy) will come my way if I call you. You have never let me down. But wisdom happens through its own dynamic. And balance is of utmost importance here. I cannot trust you to provide balance. For that I need myself. And a willingness to honestly look at all my tendencies. How can I look if I am touring creation with you?
quote:
“trust me… and come create with me”
Creation is not-two.
So it does not need help from me.
quote:
I want to go back into my cocoon…
Can I?
I thank you for daring to be outside your cocoon Shanti. Thank you for touching me.
Much love to you.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 12:34:54 PM
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Thanks for your awesome reply Katrine.
It's beautiful to see how words from stillness can touch people in different ways.
I would like to comment on a few things, I hope you don't mind.
quote:
I thank you for daring to be outside your cocoon Shanti.
He he... it's not a choice... I believe in being authentic to what is going on... neither push it away, nor cling to it... accept it with an open attitude that this is what I need right now and a trust that inner silence will tell me when to move on. I lived in a cocoon for 9 months and that is what I needed then. In this cocoon, I healed without being pulled around by the heart strings called conditioning that were attached to so many things in my life. Once this phase passed, my inner guru let me know it was time to step out of it... and I accepted that. I went into a phase of purification to let go many childhood traumas... this helped me get a human connection with people around me. Now I am in a phase of a different kind of energy. This is new to me. I am still settling into this. There are times when I feel a lot of confusion... there is a lot of inner rearranging happening and as with any phase of purification and opening, it takes a bit of time to settle down. When the confusion becomes too much I wish I could move back into my cocoon so I can see what is going on... but it does not work like that... I follow my inner guru and if that is what is to happen it will. For now I trust I will know what this is all about.
I had talked to Yogani about this...
And this line was a question from him.
quote:
"Does the energy speak to you? Have you inquired about what it is doing there?"
And I asked the energy.
The answer was:
quote:
“I am here to create” it says…
“why do you doubt me?”
“why don’t you just flow with me where I take you?”
"you tear apart within because you try to move in the opposite direction from where I take you..."
“why do you question?”
“have I ever let you down?”
“trust me… and come create with me”
I had never heard of asking energy why it was there, and Yogani told me "It is a form of inquiry and active surrender, utilizing the principle of samyama."
He also said another thing that touched me...
"Maybe when it was all silence with the view so clear, that was before the mountains were seriously crumbing with rocks rolling down, which are now blocking your view a bit from time to time. You know those particular rocks will not be rolling back up the hill again. They are gone. It is a process, and you know it will change again as it advances. So be patient. "
I dont understand duality and non-duality... Never have. They seem like concepts. I only know what I experience and I put what I experience here.
quote:
Creation is not-two.
Absolutely... and that is why my art and poetry are called creations from stillness... I dont believe "I" create anything... stillness creates through me... True or not? Like I said, I dont know, I only write what I experience.
Chatting with you yesterday was very helpful... I had a beautiful night of harmonizing and balancing the heart and head. I feel much better, more clear and centered this morning. Will it stay? Don't know and dont really care... living happens moment by moment right?
Love you Katrine.
And thank you for your beautiful presence in my life. Feel really blessed.  _/\_ |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 12:59:29 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
“trust me… and come create with me”
Creation is not-two.
Absolutely... and that is why my art and poetry are called creations from stillness... I dont believe "I" create anything... stillness creates through me... True or not.. Like I said, I dont know, I only write what I experience.
And just to add to the "come create with me"...
My next painting is a painting of Krishna, and as I sketched it, it took me a while to get the face, and I let it go... and a face emerged, nothing like I had imagined it to be. Then I started painting it, I did not like how it turned out so I decided to change it... whited it out and redid the face and at the end of it, it looked exactly the same as the first time I painted it... so made another attempt... guess what? It looked the exact same as the first one. So either I am terrible at painting, or Krishna wishes to look like he does in that painting and is showing me to move out of my mind and accept it... he wants that face, I have to let him have it. |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2012 : 03:44:54 AM
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Dear Shanti
I am very grateful for our friendship - so many beautiful encounters and interactions over the years [img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
To be an open ended circuit for a universal energy is a great challenge, and when the input does not "equal" the output in the sense that too much is coming in, I lose my calm stand. Some say I am not "supposed to believe this because reality is always One and ladidadida", but to me clarity and presence is everything. And so when it is lost, it does matter here. I do care about that. I should have refrained from the "reality is not-two comment" - since in fact my experience counts much more than that dictum. My experience as it is..... is at all times real - for me.
Authenticity is such a wonderful tool. I can always trust the effect of being honest with myself. It reveals where the gap is between my beliefs and my actual motivations. If I am willing to take to heart what I see inside myself - then that expression always carries the stamp of silence. And I find it very moving that it does not matter where we are on any kind of "evaluation scale" or what our expression is in detail.......every time that authenticity is expressed, there is no copy of it anywhere. It also carries the fragrance of the real. And our surroundings are harmonized by it in the very same instant it happens. So what each and one of us finds to be true each moment is the most important thing to find out. Since integrity is to act on it. And through acting on it we find out about any misconceptions. And so on...
So in addition to the beauty of your words Shanti, I am always very touched by your willingness to share from a vulnerable place. I always learn from being exposed to that honesty. You are a very courageous woman and it is a joy to know you.
Anyway....enough of my rambles.
Thanks again Shanti, and wishing you long lasting balance [img]icon_heart.gif[/img]
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 08:26:47 AM
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Here is the painting I had just started working on when the above words came to me.
http://www.creationsfromstillness.c...ings/look-up
There is a story behind this painting...
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I had asked a friend of mine to tell me something that inspires her.
She told me about the story from the Bhagavad Gita where Krishna asked Arjuna and Duryodhana to choose between the army and him. Duryodhana chose his army and Arjuna chose Krishna. (Read the full story here: http://www.writespirit.net/stories_...e/index.html).
She wrote:
"For the longest time, I had always wondered what I would've done.. I was listening to the kirtan when I had a vision that I was standing by Krishna's feet; I could only see the feet clearly, with the rest of Him kind of out of focus - I knew without a doubt I would have picked him.. "
Her story ended there, but my thoughts continued: what would Krishna say to her?
He would say "Look up".
Always look up at your Ishta with surrender... why keep your focus narrow at his feet, he is all-loving and always happy when we look up at him in surrender; then we let ourselves know the joy that opening in surrender brings.
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Everything about this painting has been taken care of by the divine. I have always thought of my paintings as creations from stillness... but this one is at a level beyond... it has been a creation with Krishna. Maybe you will see it in the painting.
I feel very blessed.
I hope you enjoy this painting as much as I enjoyed it was creating it with Krishna. |
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gatito
United Kingdom
179 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 1:29:01 PM
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Beautiful
Thanks for the heads-up. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 4:43:09 PM
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Thanks a bunch, Gatito.
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2012 : 07:19:50 AM
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beautiful painting Shanti...
no doubt i will choose Krishna |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2012 : 10:21:56 AM
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| Thank you, Maheswari. |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2012 : 10:16:08 AM
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Hi Shanti,
Lovely paintings... "Melting heart" was that you in the painting? |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2012 : 11:21:20 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by sivasambho
Hi Shanti,
Lovely paintings... "Melting heart" was that you in the painting?
Thanks Sivasambho!
Melting heart was a vision I had when I discover a heart cave where i meditated for a while from.
It was not intended to be me, but maybe it has an impression of me? Dunno!
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2012 : 1:44:10 PM
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Hi Shweta
thanks for sharing this! I like this type of inquiry, based off of acceptance. The question for me recently is "What if everything was totally ok, exactly as it is, with no need to change anything?" Which just makes me look at the belief structure which is saying that things have to be different to be ok.
You said:
quote:
I dont understand duality and non-duality... Never have. They seem like concepts.
I don't think there's much need to understand these in much detail, because the answer is that duality is just 'feeling a sense of separation' (and the unhappiness that comes from this). It's the belief system "I am a separate person, living inside a physical body, in an external world, who can die and be hurt". From this belief comes fear. And from the sense of separation comes emotions like being angry at other people.
Non-duality is just when the 'feeling of separation' goes, and you're totally engaged in things, in a happy or loving way. Like forgetting yourself when painting a painting, or looking at your child with love, or just watching something like a leaf blowing in the wind. We all experience non-duality all the time, if we didn't, we'd go mad and become unhappy pretty quickly. I guess non-duality is just when instead of using entertainment, or relationships or some external means to forget ourselves, and be happy, we just question the idea - was this belief "I am a separate person, living inside a physical body, cut-off from things" ever true in the first place? When this belief goes, we find we gradually need less and less to feel love, and be happy and satisfied. The the tendency to be afraid of anything at all dissolves more and more, and all experience is just welcomed as it is.
From what I can tell, you're pretty far along into living in this happiness non-dual experience as it is!
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Edited by - mr_anderson on Sep 16 2012 1:45:43 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2012 : 2:43:46 PM
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Thanks Josh!
I like how you put it... very simple and sweet!
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Come create with me...
