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delta33
Canada
100 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 10:38:19 AM
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i'm a generally calm person.. maybe repressed
i like to smoke weed to keep calm, but lately i've had to quit in order to find work as i'm running out of money
last night i decided to try the solar centering technique described here:
http://www.aypsite.org/368.html
initial thoughts:
- yes, i used to put the mantra in my crown without thinking about it
- had a very hard time localizing the solar plexus
- as if my solar plexus didn't exist or something
- finding emotions, no problem
- finding heart.. spacey and distant, but ok
- but where is solar plexus?
it was like a void there.. nothing to feel
but i kept at it for the 20 minutes of mantra meditation. i felt some little stabby pains here and there in my lower gut, but chalked that up to stress i've been feeling lately.. maybe coffee from earlier that day
this morning i woke up and felt tired as usual.. wishing i could sleep and sleep and sleep. but i got up and got the kids ready for school. all the usual bickering and laziness and handholding.. but i was patient
finally it was time to go, i went outside, scraped the ice off the car, shovelled the walk -- still no kids. checking back inside, they're still not ready, and suddenly i just lost it
don't worry, i didn't touch the kids, but my house is now a disaster. one of them couldn't find her homework even though we spent all weekend doing it and she had been told to put it in her pack by the door. regardless, it wasn't there (as usual) and i tore the house apart looking for it. and i shouted in a voice i haven't heard myself use before. the cat hid -- still haven't found him again an hour later. i punched a doorframe and think i broke a knuckle.. there's dried blood all over my hands as i type this. i want to cry or feel something, but all i feel is vacant, irritated, and..
warm
i feel warm |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 10:52:59 AM
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A clear sign of over-doing. The AYP suggestion would be to reduce meditation time and self-pace which may include backing off the solar plexus enhancement for the time being.
Also be sure to get at least 5 minutes of rest lying still after meditation practices.
When we over-do practices or get up too quickly without resting it can lead to some foul moods which is why self-pacing is so important.
Best of luck! |
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Clear White Light
USA
229 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 12:11:56 PM
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Hi Delta. I can really relate to how you are feeling; I have been there myself many times. I also agree that this is a sign of overloading yourself. Another factor could also be the reduction in your usage of marijuana, especially if you have used it for a long period of time. I also smoke marijuana, so I have experienced first hand the emotional upheaval that can result from suddenly stopping... and this is only intensified by the increase in mental clarity which naturally comes from meditation. Logically, one would think that spiritual practices are just the thing to help you through these kinds of situations, but I've found that they can sometimes just make them worse. This is why "self-pacing" is stressed so strongly. On the positive side, these stressful "out of control" kinds of feelings can actually serve as reminders of the work we have left to do on ourselves.
Sometimes self-pacing is something which we can do in the mind without actually having to change our physical practices. Last time I had an experience like you are describing, I did not actually reduce the time of my practices, I just changed my mental orientation towards them. I was holding on to this very aggressive, do-or-die sort of attitude towards my spirituality; I realized I had been trying to force myself to go someplace that I was not at all ready for. When I realized this, I became much kinder towards myself and my practices, and I no longer experience those out of control moments. Or at least, I haven't had one YET since then... |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 12:22:06 PM
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Hi Delta33.....
Unfortunately I don't have much time as I am back at work (Day 2 after a 4 week vacation [as you know already ]) and it is going to take me a good 6 weeks to catch up from the 4 I took off, (how that is possible I will never know ) but I thought it pertinent to chime in here as I know you, your personal situation and I truly care about you and how you are doing.....so.....
Obviously (for you and I) the "void" in the solar plexus is the same issue you have been dealing with since you and I became friends (and long before as well I believe I remembering you saying).... I think it is probably safe to say that "solar centering" very effectively targets that area and the emotions you have been storing there for some time. I'm pretty sure that you should either not do this technique and should allow the area to open by "proxy" (regular spinal breathing) or that you should really minimize the solar centering practice. As Anthem11 says, this is an obvious case of "over-doing" practices. As you know everyone's personal matrix of obstructions is totally different and for some this practice will not create "after-effects" like what you are experiencing. But for you, because you have been storing emotions in the solar plexus for some time now, this technique is probably one you should at least use very sparingly or be very very very very careful with. It obviously is going to bring these stored emotions to the surface....and obviously pretty quickly and with some potentially harmful results. At least you now know that there is a practice that can target this area effectively, and hopefully you can find a nice balance with it. Personally I would suggest that you use the solar centering at maximum for a couple of minutes per meditation....and rest for at least 10 minutes after.....and probably consider doing something fairly active and physical afterwards.
I hope things sort themselves out quickly and that the overload passes soon....would love to get together for a coffee this week if you have time....let me know.
Good luck and be safe my Brother.
Love Always,
Carson
P.S> Here's a big virtual hug for you ((((((())))))) |
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delta33
Canada
100 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 2:38:17 PM
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thx everyone
glad to see you back, mr. carson
tally:
five large garbage bags of rubble |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2009 : 4:41:07 PM
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hi delta, i agree with all the overloading symptoms and self pacing stuff and i don't wanna delve into the weed area bcz i really don't know what to give as a definitive answer to that.
all i can say to you is that we all go through these over whelming waves of anger every now and then (which we live to regret later) and everyone of us lies without intending to every now and then and a lot of that stuff do happen to everyone without any exception at one point or the other...
at one point you are an angel, all is good you are at peace and at the second you are Satan incarnated
i've been there myself many times and IMHO the best way to deal with such problems or to at least make them rare, is mindfulness of speech and action and in general being aware all the time and not so much caught up with the fanfare of the mind until this process by itself becomes a habit and AYP helps a lot in that btw.
i suggest reading books like "Sayings of the Buddha", "Awareness" by Anthony De Mello and "The Four agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz these are some pretty good darn books on being aware and conducting in a better manner.
take care bro and i sincerely do wish you better days...
namaste |
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