Note: For the complete lessons, with additions, see the AYP Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.

Lessons 7 - The woman’s role: Nothing less than “divine goddess”

From: Yogani
Date: Mon Feb 2, 2004 6:48pm

New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of the AdvancedYogaPractices main group web archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "Why This Discussion?" It is also recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive. The first lesson is, "What is tantra?"


Now that we have given the man the primary tools that will enable him to work toward having a strong role in tantric sexual relations, let's talk about the role of the woman.

The woman is everything in tantric sex, and in all of life. She is the divine goddess. Everything we see and everything we do is born of the divine feminine. That is why, in this world, she is called "mother nature." It is the divine feminine that attracts the masculine seed of pure bliss consciousness and manifests all. The cosmos and everything in it is born from Her.

When a man and woman engage in sexual relations, it is a microcosm of this great divine process. In tantric sex involving accomplished partners, it begins as a microcosm and rises toward the cosmic joining of the masculine seed and feminine womb. This joining occurs in both the man and the woman. This expanding ecstatic event fulfills itself inside each of the partners as they engage in tantric sex together, and also as each does their sitting advanced yoga practices in their meditation room. This joining of masculine and feminine energies occurs in many ways. It threads its way through all of our advanced yoga practices – meditation, spinal breathing, bandhas, mudras, asanas, and so on. Everything in yoga is about this spiritual joining that occurs on every level in the nervous system.

So, when a man and woman come together in tantric sex, this is the beginning of something much bigger in both of them, reaching far beyond the bodies present on the bed. The man's role is seed, whether he is giving it physically or not. If he does not give it physically, it is cultivated up in both partners spiritually.

The woman's role is divine goddess, the flower garden of bliss. She calls the seed from the man. If it does not come physically, it comes up and fertilizes from within both partners spiritually. The more she calls, the more the fertilizing will happen. If not physically, then spiritually. She is the inspiration of both physical and spiritual fertilization. This is the essence of the woman's role in tantric sex. She is the temptress of the physical seed, and the temptress of the spiritual seed. If the physical seed does not come, the spiritual seed will. Her lovely divine bliss and waves of beauty will bring the seed out. If the man is able to hold the physical seed back, then the spiritual seed rises in both the man and the woman, and this is the internal joining of masculine and feminine energies in both tantric partners.

Tantric sex is about that – about stimulating the internal divine union in both partners. It is the same purpose that is found in all advanced yoga practices. If both partners in tantric sex have been doing advanced yoga practices daily on their own, then there will be much purification in their nervous systems already, and tantric sex will be much more effective. The sexual essences will rise and penetrate their nervous systems deeply, and the experience will be like the deepest meditation, rich in pure silence, ecstatic bliss, and overflowing with love. This will carry over into daily activity and the regular routine of spiritual practices. So tantric sex can have this very positive and profound effect in life. For people who are sexually active, this is the beautiful silver lining in the dark cloud that sex can sometimes hang over spiritual life.

It takes discipline to get to such a wonderful stage of lovemaking. We talked about the challenges the man faces in learning to become the master of his semen, and what methods he can use. What can the woman do to help this evolution toward tantric sexual relations?

Obviously, her first responsibility is to understand the process of transformation to tantric sexual relations – understanding that it involves cultivating a change in the man's orgasmic response, and that this is not an overnight change. Her partner may not understand this at the start. She has the ability to educate him. Before a divine goddess will be able to engage in tantric sexual relations she may find herself becoming a teacher, a tantric priestess, if you will. This can be very helpful to a man trying to understand his sexuality. But she can only do so much, for it is he who must take up the challenge. A tantric woman cannot do the holdback method for a man. It won't work if he is not committed to take the lead for the benefit of both partners. If the woman takes the lead in the holdback method, it produces the same kind of escalating arousal in the man that occurs in the woman when the man is in the lead. The holdback method with the woman in the lead is not going to give the man the recharging of his staying power. Just the opposite. But, if a man chooses to take the lead in the holdback method, the woman can help by assisting him in taking the pauses necessary to recharge his staying power. She can refrain from egging him on too much in the sensitive early stages of tantric sex. She can remind him about what they are doing in tantric sex if he is wavering. This requires self-discipline in the woman, because instinctively she wants the semen inside her yoni, just as instinctively he wants to release it in her. If the man is consciously trying to practice the holdback method, the woman can help. In the beginning it will be challenging for both partners, like tiptoeing through a minefield. With persistence and practice by both the man and the woman, the sexual relations can be gradually changed to something much more.

In intimate relations where the woman is present while the man is masturbating, or if she is stimulating his lingam by means other than intercourse, she can help as he cultivates his staying power through cycles of stimulation and pauses. She can also learn to perform the ejaculation blocking method on her partner in such situations, though, if it gets to that point very often, her presence may be providing more stimulation than is necessary for his training purposes. So, there a question whether having the woman present while the man is doing self-training is a good idea. Never the less, if it is the nature of the relations between a man and woman to be together intimately like that, then it is certainly good for the woman to know the methods the man is working with, and to help him apply them as much as possible. It is in the best interest of both partners, and yoga, that the man continue improving his staying power, whatever the sexual situation may be. If she is aware of the process, there will always be opportunities for her to help him. This could be as simple as giving him the time necessary to do self-training alone.

So, just as it is a challenging period of adjustment for the man in the beginning stages of tantric sexual relations, it can be challenging for the woman too. While he is working to build staying power in front of orgasm, she may be curbing her natural abilities to draw the semen from him. It is a transition period that both the man and woman will go through – a time of training and readjustment.

As the man gradually comes into his own as the master of his seed, things will change. This is when the woman, our divine goddess, can really shine in all her beauty and glory. Then she can fully bloom as the beautiful lovemaker she is by nature. For when the man can manage his semen, lovemaking becomes an act of sexual equals, rather than the one-way flow of semen from man to woman that was the case before the transition to tantric sexual relations. Once the stage of self-sufficiency of staying power in the man is reached, then cultivation of sexual energy can proceed much more actively, creatively, and blissfully.

It should be mentioned that as a man becomes proficient in using the holdback method, it becomes possible for the woman to be stimulated to "multiple orgasms." Having multiple orgasms is a natural capability in the woman. It assures that no matter what happens, she will still still be soliciting the semen from her partner, and enjoying every minute of it. Is feminine orgasm a regenerative process, a yogic process, and are multiple orgasms spiritually healthy for women? There is some loss of prana in feminine orgasm, and some loss of ability to climb to successively higher levels of divine ecstasy as a woman has multiple orgasms in tantric sex. Clearly, feminine orgasm is much less of a pranic drain than masculine orgasm is. But are multiple orgasms in the woman part of tantric sex? Perhaps many feminine orgasms will eventually add up to the same pranic loss as one masculine orgasm. Maybe it is a stage the woman must go through when she finds herself with access to unlimited orgasms through the holdback method. Then, perhaps after a period of time, she will settle into preorgasmic sex with her partner with his cooperation and loving help. It is in her best interest spiritually to do so, just as it is the man's best interest to stay in front of his orgasm. So the pendulum can swing back and tantric lovemaking can evolve to become a means for both partners to stay in front of their orgasm, climbing the stairway to heaven together – higher, higher, higher…

In advanced tantric sex, the woman's role can flower fully to the natural and powerful coaxing of the seed that is her gift in sexual relations. No longer does she have to be so concerned about her partner developing his staying power. He has done it already. Of course, she remains mindful of the principles of tantra, making sure they are being applied. If her partner is in principle, preserving and cultivating sexual energy, the woman can use every means she has to draw the seed out. He will know how to dance with her while preserving the semen within himself. This balance enables the two lovers to dance the night away, climbing the stairway of ecstasy in a delightful and natural fashion. It is all about lovemaking then –  tantric lovemaking that leads them higher and higher as the cultivation of sexual essences goes upward within them.

Under these circumstances, the woman may find herself becoming motivated to strengthen her sexual charms with kegal exercises and other means that will enhance her abilities to stimulate her partner in tantric sexual relations. So, for the sexually active woman, enhancing her already formidable sexual capabilities may become more important as she enters into more advanced tantric sexual relations.

On the other hand, for tantric lovers who have been at it a long time, it can take another course. As progress in advanced yoga practices and tantric sexual relations reach maturity, the lovemaking never stops inside the two partners. Then, a glance, a smile, a touch, a kiss, a hug, is all it takes to keep the divine lovemaking moving inside. Then the partners may join in tantric sex only occasionally. Or maybe never. Ramakrishna was a married man, but it is believed he never made love physically to his wife. Instead, they worshipped each other as incarnations of the divine masculine and the divine feminine.

Whatever the style of lovemaking turns out to be in the end, advanced tantric sex is a very free state of relationship that is consistent with the spiritual goals of advanced yoga practices.

Before the state of advanced tantric sexual relations is achieved, there is an imbalance between the man and the woman that exists for the purpose of reproduction and the survival of the species. Before tantra comes in, sex is primordial, concerned only with assuring reproduction. After tantra comes in, sex becomes spiritualized to a higher state that is concerned with both reproduction, and the joining of pure bliss consciousness (the seed) and divine ecstasy (the womb).

The inherent imbalance in non-tantric sexual relations is at the root of the difficulties that have existed in the relationship between men and women for thousands of years. When men feel inferior sexually to woman (which they are before learning tantric methods) they tend to try and compensate by dominating women in other ways – trying to control their huge feminine sexual power. This is one reason why women have been held down in many societies over the centuries. Men harbor a deep subconscious fear of women. Men are not fundamentally to blame for this, and neither are women. It is a phenomenon that has its roots in immature biological and neurological processes. As the processes of the nervous system evolve to a higher level of functioning, more equality in sexual relations arises, and the subconscious fears and aggressions gradually disappear. This will be one of the fringe benefits of this new age of enlightenment – a balancing of the sexual energies that flow between men and women. There will be more honor, more integrity, more respect, and much more love. Women will receive much more of the deep reverence they deserve. It is happening already.

Shiva and shakti are neither superior nor inferior to each other. Both are equal polarities joining everywhere in the great expanse of life reaching from unmanifest pure bliss consciousness to the heights of divine ecstasy throughout creation. Through the union of these two polar energies, the birth of Oneness is occurring in us, and everywhere. When we directly experience the polarity of every atom as an ecstatic union of the omnipresent divine lovers, then we know the truth about life. We know that it is all bliss, all love, all Oneness.

The woman's role in this is on every level of existence – from the beautiful feminine being sitting in front of her man, to the dynamic force of creation constantly coaxing every atom in the cosmos outward in its ongoing existence.

What we see everywhere is the divine goddess at play, and that is the woman's role in tantra.

The guru is in you.

Note:  For detailed instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga practices and the enlightenment process, see the AYP Tantra book.

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