Note: For the complete lessons, with additions, see the AYP Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.

Lesson T73 – Possession and Sexual Exploitation

From: Yogani
Date: January 28, 2010

New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"


Q: I have been involved with someone for some time who I believe has possessed me internally and is using me for sexual exploitation. He is using tantric principles and methods from your writings to do it, claiming (believing himself) to be a pure channel of spiritual knowledge. His sexual prowess is formidable, and I feel so much a victim in this. I keep going back, trying recover the situation, thinking that if I can help him with his control fixation, I can help myself. But it has not been working for a long time. He has several other women on the string besides me. Can you offer any advice?


A: You have touched on some fundamental questions. What are tantric teachings for, and what are the AYP writings for? What is the role of tantric sexual methods in the AYP system? Who can transmit this knowledge, and how?

The AYP writings are an open resource on spiritual practices, designed for direct use by self-directed practitioners. The key to successful application is the practitioner taking responsibility for the practices undertaken in an integrated fashion in their own life. Not taking control of how they will work in someone else’s life. Sharing with others is one thing. Controlling others is something else.

The tantra writings are designed to be either an entry point into the broad scope of integrated yoga practices for those who are sexually drawn, or to be an additional component for yoga practitioners who would like to elevate their normal sex life to the level of spiritual practice. Either way, tantric sexual methods are not primary spiritual practice, and cannot be without an integration of other practices into the daily routine, such as deep meditation and spinal breathing pranayama.

These lessons are designed to be a direct resource for practitioners, without an intermediary being necessary. This does not mean teachers cannot teach, or that the knowledge cannot be integrated with other approaches. It is happening all the time. It is also possible that tantric methods described here could be used by those who seek power over others, though I have to tell you, it is virtually unheard of. Abiding inner silence gained through deep meditation is morally self-regulating (indeed, it is the source of all morality), meaning nothing harmful can come from it. So anyone engaged in daily deep meditation will avoid many traps. The methods we utilize in AYP, and self-pacing in particular, are also designed to minimize difficulties that can be caused by obsessive overdoing.

All of that said, if you feel this person has placed himself between the teachings and you for his own purposes, with an undue fixation on tantric sexual methods, then this is a distortion of what AYP is. Frankly, I don't see how such a situation could persist while incorporating a full range of practices, deep meditation in particular, because inner silence will eventually purify the distortion. That kind of teaching role simply cannot last. Nevertheless, if the situation is there, it should be addressed by those who are finding the difficulty.

The AYP writings are what they are, and no one can change what they say. When in doubt about the integrity of anyone professing to teach according to the AYP writings, go directly to the books and the online support forums. If the teachings are being distorted, then it is wise to remove yourself from that situation.

Neither you, nor anyone, has to wait around for a purer external transmission to occur, because the relationship is between you and the application of knowledge within you, and no one can step in-between unless you permit it. Which brings us to the issue at hand – your role in this situation that has been troubling you.

As far as AYP is concerned, you have no obligation to anyone (not even me) to practice the methods in a certain way, or even use them at all. So, while you may have been in the habit of looking to another person for inspiration and guidance, that is not how it can continue if you are interested in your long term spiritual development.

As it has been said, "It is good to be born in a church, but not good to die in one." Likewise, it is good to learn spiritual practices from someone, but not good to continue that reliance. All true spiritual progress depends on our own commitment to our journey. Ultimately, it has nothing to do with anyone else, even if we continue in relationships with other practitioners to a greater or lesser degree throughout our life.

Consider that your relationship with this person is an overlay on all of this, and is in the realm of the personal. If you feel that your spiritual evolution is somehow dependent on him, or vise-versa, wanting to be with him for that reason, then it will be good to see it for what it is – untrue. You may then conclude it will be best to favor letting go of that kind of relationship, because it isn't going to bring you much progress or happiness. The entire setup is in you. The sooner you see that, the sooner you can move beyond it. There is no one on earth who can give us enlightenment. It certainly cannot be done through co-dependent relationships. We can only give it to ourselves.

Regarding possession, sexual exploitation, and feeling trapped in that, there is no energy that can overtake our lives except one we are feeding. So if you think you are trapped or possessed by someone, whether it be a person or some other energy, it is because you are feeding that thought and that energy relationship within yourself. If someone seems to be trapped in a cycle of engaging in sexual exploitation, it is because he is feeding that. If he is meditating daily, the distortion should correct itself in time, and his life will eventually come into balance. But is his journey yours to travel at the expense of your own progress? Only you can know the answer to that.

Given your deep concerns, you may conclude it will be best to leave this situation and move on with your life. There is no doubt you can find others who can resonate with your spiritual desires who will not present you with the conflict you have been experiencing. No one wants to spend their life stuck in this way. The only way out is to make a choice. No one else can make the choice for you. While change is seldom easy, in the long run it is much easier to work on ourselves than to try and work on others. The latter is impossible anyway. So the suggestion from here is to let go and get on with your life however you see fit.

Be sure to meditate daily. This will give you the inner strength to follow through on your convictions. Also consider engaging in some light self-inquiry, particularly the "Jnana-Releasing" kind discussed in Lesson 350. This can help you see your situation in a much clearer light. Consider taking your life in a new direction that does not involve trying to recover what is in the past. The past is gone, and we are here and now. Make the best of every day you have, because the time we are here on this earth is a precious gift. Just keep walking. There are wonderful new experiences just over the horizon. How could it be otherwise?

The guru is in you.