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Note: For the complete lessons,
with additions, see the AYP
Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.
Lesson T73 -
Possession and Sexual Exploitation
Date: January 28, 2010
New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive, as
previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"
Q: I have been involved with someone for some time who I
believe has possessed me internally and is using me for sexual exploitation.
He is using tantric principles and methods from your writings to do it,
claiming (believing himself) to be a pure channel of spiritual knowledge.
His sexual prowess is formidable, and I feel so much a victim in this. I
keep going back, trying recover the situation, thinking that if I can help
him with his control fixation, I can help myself. But it has not been
working for a long time. He has several other women on the string besides
me. Can you offer any advice?
A: You have touched on some fundamental questions. What are tantric
teachings for, and what are the AYP writings for? What is the role of
tantric sexual methods in the AYP system? Who can transmit this knowledge,
The AYP writings are an open resource on spiritual practices, designed for
direct use by self-directed practitioners. The key to successful application
is the practitioner taking responsibility for the practices undertaken in an
integrated fashion in their own life. Not taking control of how they will
work in someone elses life. Sharing with others is one thing. Controlling
others is something else.
The tantra writings are designed to be either an entry point into the broad
scope of integrated yoga practices for those who are sexually drawn, or to
be an additional component for yoga practitioners who would like to elevate
their normal sex life to the level of spiritual practice. Either way,
tantric sexual methods are not primary spiritual practice, and cannot be
without an integration of other practices into the daily routine, such as
deep meditation and spinal breathing pranayama.
These lessons are designed to be a direct resource for practitioners,
without an intermediary being necessary. This does not mean teachers cannot
teach, or that the knowledge cannot be integrated with other approaches. It
is happening all the time. It is also possible that tantric methods
described here could be used by those who seek power over others, though I
have to tell you, it is virtually unheard of. Abiding inner silence gained
through deep meditation is morally self-regulating (indeed, it is the source
of all morality), meaning nothing harmful can come from it. So anyone
engaged in daily deep meditation will avoid many traps. The methods we
utilize in AYP, and self-pacing in particular, are also designed to minimize
difficulties that can be caused by obsessive overdoing.
All of that said, if you feel this person has placed himself between the
teachings and you for his own purposes, with an undue fixation on tantric
sexual methods, then this is a distortion of what AYP is. Frankly, I don't
see how such a situation could persist while incorporating a full range of
practices, deep meditation in particular, because inner silence will
eventually purify the distortion. That kind of teaching role simply cannot
last. Nevertheless, if the situation is there, it
should be addressed by those who are finding the difficulty.
The AYP writings are what they are, and no one can change what they say.
When in doubt about the integrity of anyone professing to teach according to
the AYP writings, go directly to the books and the online support forums. If
the teachings are being distorted, then it is wise to remove yourself from
Neither you, nor anyone, has to wait around for a purer
external transmission to occur, because the relationship is between
you and the application of knowledge within you, and no one can step
in-between unless you permit it. Which brings us to the issue at hand - your
role in this situation that has been troubling you.
As far as AYP is concerned, you have no obligation to anyone (not even me)
to practice the methods in a certain way, or even use them at all. So, while
you may have been in the habit of looking to another person for inspiration
and guidance, that is not how it can continue if you are interested in your
long term spiritual development.
As it has been said, "It is good to be born in a church, but not good to die
in one." Likewise, it is good to learn spiritual practices from someone, but
not good to continue that reliance. All true spiritual progress depends on
our own commitment to our journey. Ultimately, it has nothing to do with
anyone else, even if we continue in relationships with other practitioners
to a greater or lesser degree throughout our life.
Consider that your relationship with this person is an overlay on all of
this, and is in the realm of the personal. If you feel that your spiritual
evolution is somehow dependent on him, or vise-versa, wanting to be with him
for that reason, then it will be good to see it for what it is - untrue. You
may then conclude it will be best to favor letting go of that kind of
relationship, because it isn't going to bring you much
progress or happiness. The entire set-up is
in you. The sooner you see that, the sooner you can move beyond it. There is
no one on earth who can give us enlightenment. It certainly cannot be done
through co-dependent relationships. We can only give it to ourselves.
Regarding possession, sexual exploitation, and feeling trapped in that,
there is no energy that can overtake our lives except one we are feeding. So
if you think you are trapped or possessed by someone, whether it be a person
or some other energy, it is because you are feeding that thought and that
energy relationship within yourself. If someone
seems to be trapped in a cycle of engaging in sexual exploitation, it is
because he is feeding that. If he is meditating daily, the
correct itself in time, and his life will eventually come into balance. But
is his journey yours to travel at the expense of your own progress? Only you
can know the answer to that.
Given your deep concerns, you may conclude it will be best to leave this
situation and move on with your life. There is no doubt you can find others
who can resonate with your spiritual desires who
will not present you with the conflict you have been experiencing. No one
wants to spend their life stuck in this way. The only way out is to make a
choice. No one else can make the choice for you. While change is
seldom easy, in the long run it is much easier to
work on ourselves than to try and work on others. The latter is impossible
anyway. So the suggestion from here is to let go and get on with your life
however you see fit.
Be sure to meditate daily. This will give you the inner strength to follow
through on your convictions. Also consider engaging in some light
self-inquiry, particularly the "Jnana-Releasing" kind discussed in
Lesson 350. This can help you see
your situation in a much clearer light. Consider taking your life in
a new direction that does not involve trying to recover what is in the past.
The past is gone, and we are here and now. Make the best of every day you
have, because the time we are here on this earth is a precious gift. Just
keep walking. There are wonderful new experiences just over the horizon. How
could it be otherwise?
The guru is in you.
Note: For detailed
instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga
practices and the enlightenment process, see the
AYP Tantra book.
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