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Possession and Sexual Exploitation
January 28, 2010
It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive,
as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What
is tantra yoga?"
Q: I have been involved with someone for some time
who I believe has possessed me internally and is using me for sexual
exploitation. He is using tantric principles and methods from your writings
to do it, claiming (believing himself) to be a pure channel of spiritual
knowledge. His sexual prowess is formidable, and I feel so much a victim in
this. I keep going back, trying recover the situation, thinking that if I
can help him with his control fixation, I can help myself. But it has not
been working for a long time. He has several other women on the string
besides me. Can you offer any advice?
A: You have touched on
some fundamental questions. What are tantric teachings for, and what are the
AYP writings for? What is the role of tantric sexual methods in the AYP
system? Who can transmit this knowledge, and how?
The AYP writings
are an open resource on spiritual practices, designed for direct use by
self-directed practitioners. The key to successful application is the
practitioner taking responsibility for the practices undertaken in an
integrated fashion in their own life. Not taking control of how they will
work in someone elses life. Sharing with others is one thing. Controlling
others is something else.
The tantra writings are designed to be
either an entry point into the broad scope of integrated yoga practices for
those who are sexually drawn, or to be an additional component for yoga
practitioners who would like to elevate their normal sex life to the level
of spiritual practice. Either way, tantric sexual methods are not primary
spiritual practice, and cannot be without an integration of other practices
into the daily routine, such as deep meditation and spinal breathing
These lessons are designed to be a direct resource for
practitioners, without an intermediary being necessary. This does not mean
teachers cannot teach, or that the knowledge cannot be integrated with other
approaches. It is happening all the time. It is also possible that tantric
methods described here could be used by those who seek power over others,
though I have to tell you, it is virtually unheard of. Abiding inner silence
gained through deep meditation is morally self-regulating (indeed, it is the
source of all morality), meaning nothing harmful can come from it. So anyone
engaged in daily deep meditation will avoid many traps. The methods we
utilize in AYP, and self-pacing in particular, are also designed to minimize
difficulties that can be caused by obsessive overdoing.
All of that
said, if you feel this person has placed himself between the teachings and
you for his own purposes, with an undue fixation on tantric sexual methods,
then this is a distortion of what AYP is. Frankly, I don't see how such a
situation could persist while incorporating a full range of practices, deep
meditation in particular, because inner silence will eventually purify the
distortion. That kind of teaching role simply cannot last. Nevertheless, if
the situation is there, it should be addressed by those who are finding the
The AYP writings are what they are, and no one can
change what they say. When in doubt about the integrity of anyone professing
to teach according to the AYP writings, go directly to the books and the
online support forums. If the teachings are being distorted, then it is wise
to remove yourself from that situation.
Neither you, nor anyone, has
to wait around for a purer external
to occur, because the relationship is between you and the application of
knowledge within you, and no one can step in-between unless you permit it.
Which brings us to the issue at hand - your role in this situation that has
been troubling you.
As far as AYP is concerned, you have no
obligation to anyone (not even me) to practice the methods in a certain way,
or even use them at all. So, while you may have been in the habit of looking
to another person for inspiration and guidance, that is not how it can
continue if you are interested in your long term spiritual development.
As it has been said, "It is good to be born in a church, but not good to
die in one." Likewise, it is good to learn spiritual practices from someone,
but not good to continue that reliance. All true spiritual progress depends
on our own commitment to our journey. Ultimately, it
has nothing to do with anyone else, even if we continue in relationships
with other practitioners to a greater or lesser degree throughout our life.
Consider that your relationship with this person is an overlay on all of
this, and is in the realm of the personal. If you feel that your spiritual
evolution is somehow dependent on him, or vise-versa, wanting to be with him
for that reason, then it will be good to see it for what it is - untrue. You
may then conclude it will be best to favor letting go of that kind of
relationship, because it isn't going to bring you
or happiness. The entire set-up is
in you. The sooner you see that, the sooner you can move beyond it. There is
no one on earth who can give us enlightenment. It certainly cannot be done
through co-dependent relationships. We can only give it to ourselves.
Regarding possession, sexual exploitation, and feeling trapped in that,
there is no energy that can overtake our lives except one we are feeding. So
if you think you are trapped or possessed by someone, whether it be a person
or some other energy, it is because you are feeding that thought and that
energy relationship within yourself. If someone
seems to be trapped in a cycle of engaging in sexual exploitation, it is
because he is feeding that. If he is meditating daily, the
distortion should correct itself in time, and his
life will eventually come into balance. But is his journey yours to travel
at the expense of your own progress? Only you can know
the answer to that.
Given your deep concerns, you may conclude
it will be best to leave this situation and move on with your life. There is
no doubt you can find others who can resonate with your spiritual
desires who will not present you with the conflict
you have been experiencing. No one wants to spend their life stuck in this
way. The only way out is to make a choice. No one else can make the choice
for you. While change is seldom easy, in the long
run it is much easier to work on ourselves than to try and work on others.
The latter is impossible anyway. So the suggestion from here is to let go
and get on with your life however you see fit.
Be sure to meditate
daily. This will give you the inner strength to follow through on your
convictions. Also consider engaging in some light self-inquiry, particularly
the "Jnana-Releasing" kind discussed in Lesson 350.
This can help you see your situation in a much clearer light.
Consider taking your life in a new direction that does not involve trying to
recover what is in the past. The past is gone, and we are here and now. Make
the best of every day you have, because the time we are here on this earth
is a precious gift. Just keep walking. There are wonderful new experiences
just over the horizon. How could it be otherwise?
The guru is in you.
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Note: For detailed
instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga
practices and the enlightenment process, see the
AYP Tantra book,
and AYP Plus.