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T50 - If the Goddess Cannot Withhold Orgasm (Audio)
Date: Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:28 pm
It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive,
as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What
is tantra yoga?"
Q1: First I would like to thank you
for your wonderfully organized and informational website. Your thoughts and
teachings are easy to understand and very consistent, without using so much
traditional language as to be confusing.
Me and my wife have found
tantric techniques to bring great pleasure into our lives. For almost two
years, we have been using the holdback technique as well as yoni massage and
sacred spot massage to create a deeper and stronger bond during our sexual
experiences. I truly enjoy staying in front of my orgasm and worshipping her
as a divine goddess while she enjoys incredible multiple orgasms. Our union
is so strong, it is as if we are one being in total bliss. We do not so much
feel a sense of pranic drain from her orgasm, but more of a sense of total
and complete mutual satisfaction due to our close coupling. Is there
anything wrong with following a path where the man stays in front of his
orgasm so that both lovers can enjoy the greatly increased capacity for
orgasm in her?
A1: Thank you for your kind note and sharing. I am
very happy that you are finding the AYP lessons to be helpful.
tantric sex, the experience of the man having good ability in holdback and
the woman having multiple orgasms is an interim step on the path of tantra.
You may both enjoy it as long as you wish. But know that your bhakti will
eventually take you beyond that to preorgasmic sex for both partners. Which
is not to say orgasms will not happen. It is only that the neurobiology
higher up will become much more enjoyable than orgasm for your partner and
she will eventually want to go higher with her energy, just as you are.
Of course all of this is predicated on a good routine of sitting
practices including deep meditation, spinal breathing and so on. With
steady-state inner silence and ecstatic conductivity coming up, the
expansion of sexual function to become increasing spiritual will occur
If you read the
Secrets of Wilder novel,
you will find one scenario of how this can evolve over the years. It is also
discussed in the AYP tantra lessons on the website and in the
You might like to surface this question in the
AYP forums also, where you can receive other opinions. It is a great place
to discuss practices.
Q2: Thank you for your answer, it seems our
bhakti will eventually lead us to the right path for us.
and more of your site, I was quite amazed to find I had already instictively
discovered Mulabandha, and, partially, Sambhavi without knowing what they
I do have one last question - I have realized that for me,
orgasm is something from which I must abstain completely - the drain of my
prana is far too great, and I don't feel my energy anywhere close to before
for even two weeks or more. Will this ever be the case for my wife? I would
not want her to have to give this pleasure up forever, and I confess I take
great enjoyment in helping her to achieve intense and extended orgasms. Will
she still be able to enjoy this pleasure occasionally, or even regularly,
without harming our yoga?
Thank you again for your wisdom. There are
many "false prophets" out there, and it is clear you are not one of them.
A2: I don't think it is a matter of your wife giving anything up. When
the shift happens, she will be going to more via direct perception of that.
It can happen gradually over a long period of time, or be a sudden
inspiration. It is really up to (and within) her. Of course you can help a
lot with that by being open to what is happening and encouraging her toward
more lasting ecstatic bliss. And yes, women generally are less depleted by
orgasm, though there are exceptions. In the lessons I say that multiple
female orgasms can lead to depletion similar to a single orgasm for a man. A
number of woman have told me this. But I am not a woman, so direct
experience will be the best guide for women in this matter. For some
feminine inspiration on this subject, check out the book The
Sexual Ecstasy by Margot
Anand. You can
find it and other books on sexology on the
AYP book list.
One thing is for sure -- there is much more to be found in front of orgasm
than behind it for both men and women. To this end, a new AYP book is out called:
Tantra - Discovering the Power of
It will be a companion to the new book,
Deep Meditation, and others that
are coming out on a wide range of practices, comprising the "AYP Enlightenment
Q3: Thanks again. Clearly the shift will be up to her, and
when and if she choses that, I will support her fully. To be honest, this
point seems far off for us. We have yet to embrace a truly guided approach;
until now, we've picked up some useful information here and there, but some
of our practices are confused, some are missing, and some are
underdeveloped. She has yet to embrace meditation and breathing practices.
To that end, I bought the AYP book today - the online lessons are great and
well organized, but it would be much nicer to be able to read and study them
together in a book. I see my yoga as starting over from the beginning, and
hers truly beginning as we work first on basic practices - any insight we
may have gained so far, and my already well conserved prana can only help
As far as not knowing if she feels the same energy drain as I do
in orgasm, surely this is something I can never know. But I think we both do
sense that it is far less (although she does find multiple orgasms to be
draining). One thing of which I suppose again, we may never know, but seems
to be the case, is that she seems to reach far greater pleasure in orgasm
now than I ever was able. If it truly is the case that her pleasure from it
is far greater, and her drain far less, this makes me wonder if she might
never need or want to stop having orgasms. On the other hand, if her
pleasure in pre-orgasm alone can top that, that would be a great delight for
both of us to share. Nevertheless, it is clear this must be a decision for
her to make when she is ready, and not something I would want to push her
towards unless she feels a natural drive for it. Perhaps this is part of the
reason why for a couple learning tantra, the man must take the first steps.
In any case, thanks for your time, and I look forward to sharing your
book with my wife!
A3: Don't know if you intended to give your wife
the new Deep Meditation book in addition to having the
AYP Easy Lessons book on hand (good idea). The former is a short but
thorough primer for folks who may have no prior interest in meditation or
spiritual practices, and is much easier to digest than the entire body of
The "more" that pre-orgasmic tantric practice aids in
cultivating is found in our 24 hour living. We go from a limited-duration
peak experience of orgasm to living in a state of ecstasy throughout our
daily life. It is a permanent transformation of the basic functioning of our
nervous system. That rise of ecstatic conductivity, combined with the rise
of inner silence via meditation is the foundation of enlightenment.
The guru is in you.
Related Lessons Topic Path
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Note: For detailed
instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga
practices and the enlightenment process,
see the AYP Tantra book,
and AYP Plus.
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