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T42 - Equality of the Sexes in Tantra (Audio)
T42.1 - Tantric Husband and
Non-Tantric Wife (Audio)
Date: Sun May 22, 2005 11:54 am
It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive,
as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What
is tantra yoga?"
Q1: I happened to find your website
and read through your material on tantric yoga which I have always been
interested in practicing. I found your site so true to nature. Something
which I can relate to and practice. I try and study it as much as possible.
And found your work more connected to what I want than most other works.
A lot of what you say and all the techniques make a lot of sense, though
I would like you to clarify something for me.
You mention in your
lessons that women in many ways are superior and also that women in the sex
act especially are, since they call for the semen. They are the ones who
call it, as per your writing.
But then later when it got to the
multiple orgasm, you mentioned that it is harder for women to reach higher
levels of ecstasy or realms due to the fact they have multiple orgasms.
Isn't that contradictory? I was confused by that, since women are very
powerful in the sex act... then how can something like multiple orgasm get
in the way? I mean both the sentences seemed very
personally don't have an answer to whether women have multiple orgasms or
not as ... well I don't know what it is to be a man. Whatever I feel is
natural to me so I can't really understand the comparison of it or
understand what it is.
And most importantly I don't know whether it
is a cause of drain really. And even if it is, it can't be more than men's
drain of energy. Hence, how can it be harder for women to reach higher
levels ? It must be equal, as all your work shows nothing but equality in
both sexes ... hence, even loss must be equal. If it is hard for women it
must be equally hard for men as well. This is what I feel.
really appreciate your assistance with this.
A1: Thank you for
writing and sharing.
If there is any implication of unequal spiritual
opportunity between men and women in the lessons on matters of sexual
energy, it was certainly not intended. Both sexes have equal opportunity for
enlightenment. It is our destiny, equally shared.
However, there are
some differences in biological mechanics. A man will lose much more
lifeforce (prana) during orgasm (ejaculation) than a woman will, while a
woman will lose less in orgasm. Some say women actually gain from orgasm,
yet it has been shown that multiple female orgasms will eventually lead to a
depletion of lifeforce also. These are mechanics rooted in the biology of
reproductive function. That difference is what the lessons are speaking of.
But it is not an indication of spiritual inequality. Only a difference in
roles during the reproductive function.
The key to spiritual
advancement from the sexual angle is not much about orgasm anyway. Neither
is it about reproductive sex, except to modify the act (if it is occurring)
for spiritual purpose. It is about preservation and cultivation of sexual
energy (brahmacharya as described in lesson T9). Once
that is addressed via tantric methods, the differences in biological
mechanics of orgasm and lifeforce flow between the sexes become transparent,
and the opportunity for inner transformation is equal and mutually
supportive. The task at hand in spiritual sexual relations is "preorgasmic
cultivation." In this, both sexes are on the same playing field utilizing
the methods for achieving this, discussed in the lessons. Reproductive sexual
urges (the giving and receiving of the seed) are let go in favor of preorgasmic cultivation, which serves the spiritual transformation of both
sexes equally. Then both sexes are involved in an inner lovemaking as much
as an outer one. By transforming the love act to that for a substantial amount
of the time, both sexes are engaged equally in the process of transformation
going on in each person individually.
That is what these tantra
lessons are intending to convey, along with the specific means, and I hope
that clears it up.
As mentioned in the lessons, the sexual relations
aspects of practice (labeled "tantra") are in support of the broader range
of yoga practices, including deep meditation, spinal breathing, etc. There
is overlap between sitting practices and tantra when we get into mulabandha,
sambhavi, siddhasana and kechari, all which act on the sexual energy as
well. Dealing with sexual energy is inevitable in yoga, as it is the primary
energy of the ecstatic side of the enlightenment equation -- kundalini. The
other side is inner silence, pure bliss consciousness, cultivated mainly in
deep meditation and samyama. Together, inner silence and ecstatic
conductivity (kundalini) go to make the union of inner polarities in the
nervous system that is represented metaphorically by the union of shiva and
shakti. What we end up with is unending unshakable inner silence, ecstatic
bliss, and outpouring divine love. It is the same destination for both women
Q2: That cleared it up. Yes, of course you are right,
both sexes definitely lose some energy. I mean, after all, it is about
channeling the energy upwards rather than just letting it out and wasting
I read somewhere that when sexual energy goes to the crown and
exits the body it becomes divine energy, and that sexual energy is nothing
but divine energy, except much coarser. Am I right?
I guess I got
confused, as you mentioned at one point in the lessons that a woman might
not be able to reach higher realms because of multiple orgasms, and I am
sure you meant that for men too. But I guess I read only for the women's
part and wanted to clarify on it as I didn't read initially the men's part.
But now I understand what you meant that both in their own way have loss of
Also, are multiple orgasms natural or yogic in nature, as in
the process? You had asked the question and had said that in fact that had
grown to a debate over the years. Could you illustrate a bit on that? You
mentioned women have this naturally. Would that in a way make it yogic in
process considering it is natural, or the way nature intends it to be? In
that sense, everything in us is there as part of the plan, if that makes
The question is, how does one use the multiple orgasm to
benefit the yogic practice, and is it beneficial on its own?
love to hear more on this as that part interested me the most. I don't even
know whether I have multiple orgasms or if it's just one. I really wish I
knew the difference.
A2: Yes, both men and women have energy
drain from reproductive sex and orgasms. It is most often the man, because
he will usually reach climax first before the woman will be spent. For the
woman, "spent" would mean several more orgasms, or maybe what may seem like
one very long one. That greater staying power in a woman is natural for
reproduction -- the purpose being for the seed to be drawn into the womb.
This is why I said the woman is "superior" in the reproductive sex act,
meaning she will draw the seed from the man. "Superior" is only a relative
term, as applied to the ability to last a long time in the sex act. The
woman has the natural advantage in that in reproductive sex, because it is
the planting of the seed. Mother Earth won't stop until the seed is planted.
The survival of the species depends on it, yes?
Once the man has
control of his seed, then he can take the lead in lengthening the sex act.
That is when a woman will have much longer arousal and possible multiple
orgasms, or whatever it is that happens orgasmically in that situation. But,
just as it is not tantric for the man to be spent quickly, neither is it
tantric for the woman to be spent orgasmically. The typical scenario for
developing tantra over time is:
1. Man masters his seed and can
eventually delay orgasm indefinitely.
2. Woman is then subject to longer
stimulation, which can yield
extended or multiple orgasms.
3. Man and
woman work together to both stay in front of orgasm for long periods. That
is tantric sex.
The goal is long preorgasmic cultivation, which means
lovemaking is conducted so both stay in front of orgasm. That is the
fundamental principle behind tantric sexual methods. It is also the
principle behind tantric masturbation, siddhasana and all methods relating
to cultivation of sexual energy. So, multiple orgasms for women are not
yogic, just as too many ejaculations for men are not yogic.
not mean that orgasm is taboo and can never be enjoyed. It only means that
the more time we spend cultivating in front of orgasm, the better it is for
spiritual development, in conjunction with our regular sitting yoga
practices -- meditation, spinal breathing, etc. There is no reason why a
woman cannot cultivate with her lover (or alone in masturbation) for a long
time preorgasmically, and then explore fully her multiple orgasms also.
Doing so would be for the joy of knowing what one can experience, but not a
good long-term yoga strategy, as it is energetically degenerative, just as
excessive male ejaculations are. Conversely, long preorgasmic sexual
stimulation is energetically regenerative, and desirable.
tantra practitioners may have little or no need for going to orgasm, and
forego it altogether, even in lovemaking, because the spiritual ecstasy and
fulfillment coming up become so much greater. Sex becomes internally
spiritualized and far exceeds genital orgasm in its scope and duration,
eventually becoming a permanent feature of daily life. That permanent state
of unwavering ecstatic bliss is the goal of both yoga and tantric sexual
practices. Yet, reproductive sex is never lost, and is always an option. It
becomes a matter of choice rather than necessity. That is a liberation for
both men and women.
Once our energy goes above the pelvis, it is no
longer in the sexual realm. It is spiritual in the middle and upper body,
even if it still feels sexual in the pelvic region at the same time, as it
usually will during tantric practices, including siddhasana, which is used
throughout sitting practices by advanced yogis and yoginis. So the energy
becomes spiritually ecstatic long before reaching the crown. The whole
concept and practice of sexual stimulation by any means becomes sacred in
that (preorgasmic) mode. Spiritual energy is sexual energy that has been
transformed to a higher purpose.
By the way, the crown is not
necessarily the best place to go with the energy until much later in yogic
development, due to the potential for instability from a premature crown
opening, which can lead to physical and/or emotional problems, unbalanced
energies, unwanted visions, etc. See the topic
paths for lessons on "crown opening (avoiding premature)." Spinal
breathing and other methods are for proper channeling of our inner energy to
be progressive and safe between root and third eye, rather than to crown.
The crown comes much later in the AYP approach, after a lot of prerequisite
purification has been achieved. This is effective for avoiding kundalini
imbalances and the resulting difficulties in most practitioners.
Wishing you the best on your chosen spiritual path. Enjoy!
The guru is in you.
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Note: For detailed
instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga
practices and the enlightenment process,
see the AYP Tantra book,
and AYP Plus.
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