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Note: For the complete lessons,
with additions, see the AYP
Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.
Lesson T42 - Equality of the Sexes in Tantra
Date: Sun May 22, 2005 11:54 am
New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive, as
previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"
Q1: I happened to find your website and read through your material on tantric yoga which I
have always been interested in practicing. I found your site so true to nature. Something
which I can relate to and practice. I try and study it as much as possible. And found your
work more connected to what I want than most other works.
A lot of what you say and all the techniques make a lot of sense, though I would like you
to clarify something for me.
You mention in your lessons that women in many ways are superior and also that women in
the sex act especially are, since they call for the semen. They are the ones who call it,
as per your writing.
But then later when it got to the multiple orgasm, you mentioned that it is harder for
women to reach higher levels of ecstasy or realms due to the fact they have multiple
orgasms. Isn't that contradictory? I was confused by that, since women are very powerful
in the sex act... then how can something like multiple orgasm get in the way? I mean both
the sentences seemed very
I personally don't have an answer to whether women have multiple orgasms or not as ...
well I don't know what it is to be a man. Whatever I feel is natural to me so I can't
really understand the comparison of it or understand what it is.
And most importantly I don't know whether it is a cause of drain really. And even if it
is, it can't be more than men's drain of energy. Hence, how can it be harder for women to
reach higher levels ? It must be equal, as all your work shows nothing but equality in
both sexes ... hence, even loss must be equal. If it is hard for women it must be equally
hard for men as well. This is what I feel.
Would really appreciate your assistance with this.
A1: Thank you for writing and sharing.
If there is any implication of unequal spiritual opportunity between men and women in the
lessons on matters of sexual energy, it was certainly not intended. Both sexes have equal
opportunity for enlightenment. It is our destiny, equally shared.
However, there are some differences in biological mechanics. A man will lose much more
lifeforce (prana) during orgasm (ejaculation) than a woman will, while a woman will lose
less in orgasm. Some say women actually gain from orgasm, yet it has been shown that
multiple female orgasms will eventually lead to a depletion of lifeforce also. These are
mechanics rooted in the biology of reproductive function. That difference is what the
lessons are speaking of. But it is not an indication of spiritual inequality. Only a
difference in roles during the reproductive function.
The key to spiritual advancement from the sexual angle is not much about orgasm anyway.
Neither is it about reproductive sex, except to modify the act (if it is occurring) for
spiritual purpose. It is about preservation and cultivation of sexual energy (brahmacharya
as described in lesson T9). Once that is addressed
via tantric methods, the differences in biological mechanics of orgasm and lifeforce flow
between the sexes become transparent, and the opportunity for inner transformation is
equal and mutually supportive. The task at hand in spiritual sexual relations is
"preorgasmic cultivation." In this, both sexes are on the same playing field
utilizing the methods for achieving this discussed in the lessons. Reproductive sexual
urges (the giving and receiving of the seed) are let go in favor of preorgasmic
cultivation, which serves the spiritual transformation of both sexes equally. Then both
sexes are involved in an inner lovemaking as much as an outer one. By transforming the
love act to that a substantial amount of the time, both sexes are engaged equally in the
process of transformation going on in each person individually.
That is what these tantra lessons are intending to convey, along with the specific means,
and I hope that clears it up.
As mentioned in the lessons, the sexual relations aspects of practice (labeled
"tantra") are in support of the broader range of yoga practices, including deep
meditation, spinal breathing, etc. There is overlap between sitting practices and tantra
when we get into mulabandha, sambhavi, siddhasana and kechari, all which act on the sexual
energy as well. Dealing with sexual energy is inevitable in yoga, as it is the primary
energy of the ecstatic side of the enlightenment equation -- kundalini. The other side is
inner silence, pure bliss consciousness, cultivated mainly in deep meditation and samyama.
Together, inner silence and ecstatic conductivity (kundalini) go to make the union of
inner polarities in the nervous system that is represented metaphorically by the union of
shiva and shakti. What we end up with is unending unshakable inner silence, ecstatic
bliss, and outpouring divine love. It is the same destination for both women and men.
Q2: That cleared it up. Yes, of course you are right, both sexes definitely lose some
energy. I mean, after all, it is about channeling the energy upwards rather than just
letting it out and wasting it.
I read somewhere that when sexual energy goes to the crown and exits the body it becomes
divine energy, and that sexual energy is nothing but divine energy, except much coarser.
Am I right?
I guess I got confused, as you mentioned at one point in the lessons that a woman might
not be able to reach higher realms because of multiple orgasms, and I am sure you meant
that for men too. But I guess I read only for the women's part and wanted to clarify on it
as I didn't read initially the men's part. But now I understand what you meant that both
in their own way have loss of energy.
Also, are multiple orgasms natural or yogic in nature, as in the process? You had asked
the question and had said that in fact that had grown to a debate over the years. Could
you illustrate a bit on that? You mentioned women have this naturally. Would that in a way
make it yogic in process considering it is natural, or the way nature intends it to be? In
that sense, everything in us is there as part of the plan, if that makes sense.
The question is, how does one use the multiple orgasm to benefit the yogic practice, and
is it beneficial on its own?
Would love to hear more on this as that part interested me the most. I don't even know
whether I have multiple orgasms or if it's just one. I really wish I knew the difference.
A2: Yes, both men and women have energy drain from reproductive sex and orgasms. It is
most often the man, because he will usually reach climax first before the woman will be
spent. For the woman, "spent" would mean several more orgasms, or maybe what may
seem like one very long one. That greater staying power in a woman is natural for
reproduction -- the purpose being for the seed to be drawn into the womb. This is why I
said the woman is "superior" in the reproductive sex act, meaning she will draw
the seed from the man. "Superior" is only a relative term, as applied to the
ability to last a long time in the sex act. The woman has the natural advantage in that in
reproductive sex, because it is the planting of the seed. Mother Earth won't stop until
the seed is planted. The survival of the species depends on it, yes?
Once the man has control of his seed, then he can take the lead in lengthening the sex
act. That is when a woman will have much longer arousal and possible multiple orgasms, or
whatever it is that happens orgasmically in that situation. But, just as it is not tantric
for the man to be spent quickly, neither is it tantric for the woman to be spent
orgasmically. The typical scenario for developing tantra
over time is:
1. Man masters his seed and can eventually delay orgasm indefinitely.
2. Woman is then subject to longer stimulation, which can yield
extended or multiple orgasms.
3. Man and woman work together to both stay in front of orgasm for long periods. That is
The goal is long preorgasmic cultivation, which means lovemaking is conducted so both stay
in front of orgasm. That is the fundamental principle behind tantric sexual methods. It is
also the principle behind tantric masturbation, siddhasana and all methods relating to
cultivation of sexual energy. So, multiple orgasms for women are not yogic, just as too
many ejaculations for men are not yogic.
This does not mean that orgasm is taboo and can never be enjoyed. It only means that the
more time we spend cultivating in front of orgasm, the better it is for spiritual
development, in conjunction with our regular sitting yoga practices -- meditation, spinal
breathing, etc. There is no reason why a woman cannot cultivate with her lover (or alone
in masturbation) for a long time preorgasmically, and then explore fully her multiple
orgasms also. Doing so would be for the joy of knowing what one can experience, but not a
good long-term yoga strategy, as it is energetically degenerative, just as excessive male
ejaculations are. Conversely, long preorgasmic sexual stimulation is energetically
regenerative, and desirable.
Advanced tantra practitioners may have little or no need for going to orgasm, and forego
it altogether, even in lovemaking, because the spiritual ecstasy and fulfillment coming up
become so much greater. Sex becomes internally spiritualized and far exceeds genital
orgasm in its scope and duration, eventually becoming a permanent feature of daily life.
That permanent state of unwavering ecstatic bliss is the goal of both yoga and tantric
sexual practices. Yet, reproductive sex is never lost, and is always an option. It becomes
a matter of choice rather than necessity. That is a liberation for both men and women.
Once our energy goes above the pelvis, it is no longer in the sexual realm. It is
spiritual in the middle and upper body, even if it still feels sexual in the pelvic region
at the same time, as it usually will during tantric practices, including siddhasana, which
is used throughout sitting practices by advanced yogis and yoginis. So the energy becomes
spiritually ecstatic long before reaching the crown. The whole concept and practice of
sexual stimulation by any means becomes sacred in that (preorgasmic) mode. Spiritual
energy is sexual energy that has been transformed to a higher purpose.
By the way, the crown is not necessarily the best place to go with the energy until much
later in yogic development, due to the potential for instability from a premature crown
opening, which can lead to physical and/or emotional problems, unbalanced energies,
unwanted visions, etc. See the topic index for lessons on
"crown opening (avoiding premature)." Spinal breathing and other methods are for
proper channeling of our inner energy to be progressive and safe between root and third
eye, rather than to crown. The crown comes much later in the AYP approach, after a lot of
prerequisite purification has been achieved. This is effective for avoiding kundalini
imbalances and the resulting difficulties in most practitioners.
Wishing you the best on your chosen spiritual path. Enjoy!
The guru is in you.
instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga
practices and the enlightenment process,
see the AYP Tantra book.
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