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- The Quest for Infinite
Date: Wed Apr 21, 2004 5:01pm
It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive,
as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What
is tantra yoga?"
Q: Every so often I get this
feeling that no matter what sexual or tantric practices I attempt I will
never, in this body, be totally at union with my partner - never find
infinite intimacy. It seems like if I were to stare into my partner's eyes I
would never know exactly what they are thinking or feeling. I can't exactly
express why but this is sometimes a very depressing thought for me. It
sometimes makes me burn with passion as if I just keep trying to jump over
the final hurdle that is too
high to even see over, but it seems a useless/impossible passion. Is this a
misguided feeling? Am I misinterpreting my subconscious will or God's will?
I haven't as of yet had the chance to try tantric practices with a
partner but it seems as if no matter how divine the feeling is it will not
surmount the personality gap that feels to me more significant as an
obstacle. It doesn't even have to be a sexually related solution; though sex
seems the most intimately possible attempt. Maybe I should try practicing
clairvoyance of some sort? I'm not really sure. Any thoughts or words of
advice on bridging this chasm in lovemaking or otherwise would be well
A: True union is beyond thinking, feeling, clairvoyance, etc.
It is beyond the idea of "the other."
It is a paradox. The best way
to find true union with another person is by finding union in ourselves.
Then there is no personal agenda to get in the way. It is just Self in one
serving Self in the other. Infinite intimacy is 100% service to the other,
without expectation of receiving anything in return. Infinite intimacy isn't
something that can be obtained or hurdled into. It is known by letting go,
by surrendering, by giving everything. But more than that - it requires a
transformation in the functioning of our nervous system at the most
fundamental level. This can be accomplished through yoga.
desire for union is good. The frustration comes from pointing it outward to
obtain something instead of letting go inward. Even looking into another's
eyes is outward, unless we are looking from the perspective of inner silent
pure bliss consciousness cultivated in meditation. If you use your desire as
bhakti for motivation to do spiritual practices, then you will find what you
are seeking, both in yourself and in your lover.
The only true
infinite intimacy to be found is in our enlightenment. It is an internal
affair in each of us -- the divine union of our inner polarities. That is
how we come to it. Then when we make love, we become the loving, and there
is no question about someplace to get to, or hurdle to jump. It all melts
away, as we become the caressing. Through practices we become it.
yoga we don't surmount or overcome our obstacles. We dissolve them so the
inherent inner light can shine through. This is the secret. Everything is
changed by that one simple principle, and the practices that stimulate the
reality of it in our nervous system.
It is suggested that you
redirect your desire toward wanting to unfold your inner truth. Then things
will happen. You must be willing to act -- willing to engage in daily
practices. With daily practices, your experience of life will expand in
indescribable ways, and so will your lovemaking.
The guru is in you.
Related Lessons Topic Path
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detailed instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad
scope of yoga practices and the enlightenment process,
see the AYP Tantra book,
and AYP Plus.
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