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Lesson T10 - Q&A Sexual healing
Date: Sun Feb 15, 2004 4:25pm
New Visitors: It is recommended you read from the beginning of the AdvancedYogaPractices
main group web archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson
is, "Why This Discussion?" It is also recommended you read
from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive. The first lesson is, "What is tantra?"
Q: The spiritual aspirations of tantric
sex are noble as you describe them, but I find it hard to tackle the problem
of developing male "staying power" without more down to earth rewards. If I
go through all this will it help my marriage? Specifically, will my wife
become more interested in having intimate relations with me?
human race is in quite a fix when it comes to sex. We are the custodians of
this great power that has been given to us by God, yet we are still to find
the maturity to manage it responsibly. Hence, sex is at the heart of much of
the debilitating karma we carry around with us through life after life.
Sex isn't really the problem though. It is the immaturity of our human
nervous system. We are an in-between species on the evolutionary scale.
In-between the animal kingdoms and the divine being kingdoms. We are a
species in transition. This transition is intimately tied in with the
knowledge of yoga, the knowledge of human spiritual transformation.
The primordial force of sex rules the planet for the purpose of perpetuating
the many species. In the plant and animal kingdoms, it functions with
impressive harmony. In the human kingdom, where mind and free will reign
along with sex, it is not so harmonious.
What does all this have to
do with attracting a member of the opposite sex to the love chamber?
Sexually speaking, we are a race of the "walking
wounded," injured over and over again by the immature processes of
interaction between the pleasure-seeking mind and sex. Our sense of self is
wrapped up in it, and 99% of it is lodged beneath the surface of our
conscious awareness in the so-called subconscious mind. Many of the
obstructions we talk about in the lessons in the main group are related to
these sexual dislocations that have occurred over the course of many lives.
There are other kinds of obstructions, but the obstructions created by
sexual misappropriation are a huge influence in all of us, as folks like
Sigmund Freud have pointed out.
So we need healing, sexual healing.
It comes with daily practice of yoga disciplines for sure. We barely have to
think about sex as the housecleaning is going on while doing the
"right-handed" disciplines of advanced yoga practices discussed in the main
group. It is a pretty luxurious approach to cleaning up all the subconscious
mess. If you don't need sex, and you have right-handed practices, then you
have it made.
For those who need sex, we have the "left-handed"
disciplines. That is a different story. It is for couples only, you know.
Only the brave need enter here.
How do you tell your wife you are
sorry for 100,000 years of abuse? Not that you are directly responsible. But
someone has to say, "I'm sorry." It may as well be you. And you need the
apology as much as she does. We have all been men and women over innumerable
lifetimes. We all have the divine masculine and feminine inside us right
now, wounded, divided, asleep, and not comfortable to come to the divine
bedchamber everywhere inside us. We are as blocked and dysfunctional in our
internal lovemaking as we are in our external lovemaking. The two
lovemakings are parallel. If one is healthy, the other will be healthy.
Everyone needs an apology for past wrongs. Millions and millions of past
wrongs spawned by our rising mental power and immature nervous system. No
one is to blame, but we all should be sorry for it, and comfort each other.
The hurting will end. We are growing up.
So, begin with soft
touching, not for sex, but for consoling eons of hurt, for love. That is a
good place to start. Dare to trust your sincere tantric lover. It takes a
lot of courage. That can only happen with benign sharing, and caring for the
other more than the sexual obsession we have. This is where the tantric
methods come in. If a man has become the master of his seed, he will not be
nearly so obsessed. He will have time to care about the goddess who loves
him and who needs his unconditional love.
Most often it will seem to
be she who needs the nurturing. But she is not alone in her need. Men are
wounded too. They cover it up, you know. Men are not allowed to feel
vulnerable in our society. Any sign of vulnerability is taken as weakness,
and then the instinctive protector role of the man is compromised. So both
the man and the woman need nurturing. You can count on it. Both need gentle
touching. Both need to sleep with someone who has no expectations. Can you
do that with your lover – sleep with them with no expectations in the gentle
spoon pose? Progress in the tantric sexual methods in these lessons will
enable you to do this, and not after draining your vitality first. Rather,
you can be together intimately with full sexual vitality, unspent sexually,
not expecting anything from your lover. This is the power of tantric sex,
the power to be vital with prana, without expectations, able to nurture. It
is a higher functioning of the nervous system, and how we will travel beyond
the immature expressions of sex.
If we work with the methods and
principles, we can get on the road to sexual healing. What is sexual
healing? First, it is not creating more injury. That happens as our
behaviors toward the opposite sex become more mature – more nurturing.
Second, it is releasing the obstructions built up over ages past, and in
this lifetime. It all can be let go using the right-handed and left-handed
methods of tantra. Once we are underway, and it is clear to both partners
what the journey is, it is a new world. Then who will not be attracted to
the love chamber?
So you see, there is a down to earth benefit in
learning male staying power. It is the first step on a journey of healing,
sexual healing. It can dramatically change the quality of a relationship in
a short time. Just agreeing to work on it together will be a huge leap
forward in the relationship. That is the initial payoff. The long-term
payoff is even bigger - unending ecstatic bliss!
An American movie
came out a few years ago that is recommended for more perspective on the
subject of sexual healing. It is called, "Bliss," with actors Craig Sheffer,
Sheryl Lee and Terence Stamp. It is a contemporary story about the
relationship of a young married couple. It is entertaining, erotic, and also
a serious study of relationships, sexual healing, and healing of the psyche.
You can probably find it at your local video rental store. It is not
everything that we discuss here in advanced yoga practices, but it
illustrates very well some of the key points about sexual relations we have
The guru is in you.
detailed instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad
scope of yoga practices and the enlightenment process,
see the AYP Tantra book,
and AYP Plus.
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